ethereal : it oneshots

busted lip/broken heart

pairing: stozier 

okay, so i'm not good for you. 

but what is good, anyhow, stan? riddle me this, philosophy major: if i love you, and you love me, and we hurt sometimes, don't the pros outweigh the cons? i never said i was a good person. you knew that from the get go—a busted lip and broken glasses do wonders to demonstrate a guy's character. i was not worth your love, and you didn't deserve mine, but goddamnit, stan, we love each other either way. 

and i know, i know we promised. you told me you weren't any good of a person either; a dependent, needy leech who wouldn't let me go the moment you had me. it was crazy of you to assume i didn't want that. we promised we wouldn't love each other. i know, i know, jesus! but i do. and you do. and none of this is new to us. 

i will always be looking out for you. i will always hold all of your secrets. that's something you can't escape. did i ever tell you—who am i kidding. i know i haven't. i was going to take this to the grave, but that was conditional; you had to be here. you aren't. so, let me tell you something. and yeah, i talk too much, i know.

the night we met wasn't the first time i'd ever seen you. i don't think it was the first time we ever talked. i'm sure it was freshman year, at some party i inevitably got fresher's flu from. you were extremely intoxicated to some degree, as i believe, so i'm not sure you remember it. if you do, you've never brought it up. 

you walked up, and i decided you were the prettiest darn thing i'd ever seen. to make things worse, you started flirting with me. told me your name was stan, short for staniel. you snorted. i wanted you then and there. but someone dragged you away, some girl telling you that someone was throwing up, my memory isn't perfect. 

i started seeing you all over campus. if you knew who i was, you paid me no mind. if attention was currency, i'd made you rich by the end of the month. i became obsessed, i'll be honest. i knew the classes you had, and when; i knew the clubs you were in; i knew who your friends were. i never said hi. instead, i did what i do worst: blend in with the crowd around you. 

that's how i got my busted lip. i was only looking out for you, stan-short-for-staniel. i was outside the pub, and i knew you were inside. i wasn't planning on saying hello, i was just looking for a drink (and to maybe play a little trivia). i was outside, smoking, before i went in, and your friend bill came out, with audra. 

it was audra getting on my nerves, coughing on her cigarette like a little girl, talking about how you were being annoying. i saw this woman all the time—you had lectures with her, the two of you seemed to be thick as thieves. i couldn't believe she would badmouth you.

if i'm completely honest with you, i don't remember it very well. it's unlike me, even in my state of uncouth, to hurt a woman, so i imagine i only yelled something. i guess bill was her boyfriend, right? he didn't take it too kindly. 

i entered the bar with a swollen lip, bleeding down the middle, and i asked the bartender for some ice, and you walked up, in concern. you're so pretty, stan. how else does a love story start?

you never told me what your falling out with bill and audra was like, because you thought i never knew them. i wonder what bill thinks, sometimes. 

how could we be bad for each other? i have done nothing but protect you, stan. i love you. and i know you love me just the same. i think the two of us have found the grey area between good and bad: the sweet spot where pulling on a loose tooth feels nice. 

so we're not good. but you'll push and i'll pull and we'll go the same way until you're back on top of me and we're laughing again. we'll get away with it this time. let me in this time, stan. it might not go any different, but all of the good will feel just as good as it did before.

nothing ever changes.