ethereal : it oneshots

meaning

"i love you, stan, i really do."

stanley sits down. he taps his fingers on the counter.

when he looks up at richie, a question stays unanswered.

he remembers the way that richie frowned.

they'd been dating since grade seven. a long time, especially considering they were very immature teenagers. of course, they knew each other long before that.

stanley had pined over richie for a long time. richie, who normally was very open about who he liked, stopped discussing stuff like that in sixth grade.

he later revealed it was because he had developed a crush on stanley and didn't know if it was right.

at first, they didn't label it. it was loving eye contact and hugs that lingered for too long. but richie wanted so bad to be able to call stanley his boyfriend.

richie wanted it so bad.

so stanley caved, and they started officially dating. they held hands, sat next to each other during classes, and spent lunch's joking around and flirting.

the losers all thought it was cute, although childish crushes may have been, well, crushed in the process.

their first official date was in the summer between grade seven and grade eight. richie took stanley out to sushi. they had a very nice time, but the whole time, stanley couldn't help but think negatively. surely this relationship wouldn't last forever. what would happen then? he didn't want to lose richie.

that night, after richie walked stanley home, stanley cried into his pillow.

as high school started, they still felt awkward and childish, but they were still together. rather weirdly to the rest of the losers club, they still hadn't kissed, even though they had been together for two years.

now it was more than hand holding. it was cuddling on theatre couches and sitting on laps during sleepovers. it was blushing cheeks and hugs that never ended.

their first kiss was about three months into high school. stanley had just performed in the school's 'talent show' with a skit with some of the other losers.

after the show, richie took stanley backstage, and after complimenting stanley so many time that he thought he might pass out, he kissed him. it was quick and simple, and when stanley looked back up at him, they kissed again. this time it lasted longer, and it meant more. richie put one hand on the side of stanley's cheek, and as they pulled away, he smiled softly, the way stanley normally did.

they didn't kiss in public, stan felt uncomfortable or like he was being rude to other people. of course, the losers knew that they had kissed, but not even they were an exception.

it was only when they were alone.

but that didn't mean that people couldn't see they were in love. sure, they didn't spend all their time making out in hallways, but they basically spent all their time leaning on each other. stanley was very affectionate and clingy, but richie didn't mind.

stanley had started speaking less, he didn't need words to communicate with richie, and that's all he did these days. of course, they were still friends with the losers, but his main focus was richie.

from then, when it was just them on the couch in the theatre, they would come back, stanley pulling his turtleneck just a bit higher than normal. occasionally, he'd let the lovesick bruises get exposed to fresh air, his friends smirking at each other in knowing.

they would spend hours with just each other, lying together, smothered in love and kisses. it never had any other intentions.

it never needed to be anything different.

the two of them watched together as their friend group progressed in life.

bill and beverly dated at some point, but eventually broke up. they were still great friends, you would never know they dated.

mike had dated this girl named betty, and she had been introduced to the group. they ended up breaking up when betty asked him to choose between her or the losers.

they watched eddie continuously get heartbroken, watching bill go from girl to girl to girl, never giving eddie a second glance.

they watched ben distance himself, only to come back one day, sobbing, not quite sure why.

they watched each other grow up as well.

richie watched stanley become quieter and quieter, finding no reason to speak. he watched as the sarcastic kid he once knew grew into a shell of who he was. a lovesick shell. was this love? was this what it meant to be in love?

stanley watched richie get increasingly sicker of his home life, yet do nothing. he watched as richie would spend longer and longer after school in the theatre, stretching out not going home for as long as he could.

he'd never forget the one day he stayed at richie's.

obviously, he'd been to richie's before. but richie's parents weren't home.

this time he wasn't so lucky.

when richie heard the front door click, he (almost out of instinct, it seemed) let go of stanley's hand. he walked to the door, looking back at stanley. (go stan, you can't be here) (why not?) (please, just trust me).

stanley was quickly outside of the house, looking in the back door, avoiding being seen by richie's father. he watched wentworth scream, hearing only muffled aggressions. stanley winced when he saw wentworth grab the end of the umbrella he was holding and swing it at richie.

a glass smashed against the ground, and suddenly everything was out of view. he could only hear a loud noise as something solid hit the ground. he heard what he might call a cry for help, and then he ran.

he never questioned richie about his family after that.

it took until richie was 21 to tell stanley about his family. the entire time, stanley held his hands and squeezed them everytime richie cried, reminding him he was still here.

that had only been last year.

it felt so far away to stanley now, sitting at his counter. richie felt so far away, even though he stood a few meters in front of stanley.

things were different now. they weren't kids anymore, they couldn't kiss and make up.

richie had messed up. it wasn't entirely his fault, as most things aren't, but the blame had fallen on him. again.

"i fucking love you! i swear..." richie reiterates his words, but it doesn't help.

stanley sighs. a swear word doesn't make it any less of a mistake.

sadly, richie watches stanley say the last words he will ever hear from his dirty blond bird boy.

"do you ever mean the words you say?"