drowning

26

Ava.

Monday morning the guys went back to work, I stayed home although Ashton wanting nothing more than for me to go to work with him.

I suddenly got lonesome.

So I grabbed my car keys, which I hadn't touched in over a month due to Ashton driving me almost everywhere.

I went to a flower shop first, grabbing four bouquets- all of their favorite colors.

Then I went to their graveyard.

It was easy to find the plots, they seemed to be the newest additions.

I placed each appropriate colored sets to the plot.

"Hey baby girl" I spoke to Eve first.

"I know you like pink and purple, I got them to put some butterfly stickers in there too." I explained slowly.

"I don't know if you can see them- or if you care" I continued slowly.

"I don't even know if you can honestly hear me." I spoke more to myself at this point.

"Miss you guys." I spoke towards each of them.

I looked at Jacobs.

I moved to it, squatting beside it.

"I'm sorry" I told him calmly.

"I'm sorry that I'm happy- I feel guilty about it everyday." I admitted.

"And I'm sorry that you didn't feel as if I was there for you enough-  I wish I would've just made you stay home that day." I adjusted his flowers, making sure they looked good.

"And I'm sorry- I know you hate flowers, it's just traditional." I ended up laughing, knowing he was probably talking shit about me.

"But yeah" I finished slowly, glancing to the four of them.

"I love you guys"

And shortly after that, I left.

I went back home, writing an essay and reading some chapters before deciding that I had done enough work today, checking my phone and seeing Ashton had text

Just took my lunch break, bringing some to you, hope you're hungry!

I loved how much he cared, but I so badly did not feel like eating.

But within minutes, he was walking through the door with a firm smile on his lips.

"I got us salads" he sang, going straight into the kitchen.

I joined him, being greeted with an immediate hug.

I held him back into the hug, before turning back to the salads.

As we ate, we talked about our days.

"Just saw a few patients and then did some paperwork- the normal" he spoke swiftly, making me nod.

"How's the essay going?" He asked, knowing I was writing one before he left.

"Good, I finished it" I told him.

"Then went and put flowers at the graveyard- all the necessary shit" I tried to glaze over it, knowing he told me many times he wanted to be with me the first few times I went there.

"How do you feel since that?" He asked, immediately making me aware that he went into doctor mode.

"Fine" I told him, seeing him immediately give me a look- as if saying 'I know you're lying'.

"I swear- I'm really okay." I told him slowly.

"But" she spoke, knowing it was coming.

"I just-" I exhaled, stabbing a piece of lettuce continuously on and off of my fork.

"I wish that I didn't feel extremely guilty for being happy and continuing life without them." I spoke calmly, making him slowly nod.

"I don't think they'd want you to feel guilty for that." He chimed in.

"I'm fact- I'd think they would be extremely happy for you and proud of your growth." He continued.

I dropped my fork, focusing to him.

He smiled towards me.

"I think what you're experiencing is a normal part of grieving, I don't think that anything you're doing is making your family mad or sad." He finished slowly, making me nod slowly, feeling him grab my hand.

"So I've been thinking" he then exhaled, making me smile to him

"How about just you and me- take a small vacation." He spoke.

"A vacation?" I laughed lightly.

"Yeah- like the beach or the mountains or vegas- whenever you want to go. Let's go on a vacation." He laughed back to me.

"You have to take off of work-" "and I have plenty of paid time off so don't even think about that." He told me firmly, making me roll my eyes.

"What is this random vacation about?" I laughed back.

"Just to get away from here for a while. I need a break from work- you could use a break from school and just this town in general- let's go on vacation." He continued, making me smile to him.

"Just me and you?" I reiterated, seeing him shake his head immediately

"Just me and you." He confirmed, making me smile.

"Let's go."