drowning

50

one month later.

Ava.

We had agreed to meet

As soon as saw him, I broke down into tears.

I knew he hadn't been working.
I knew Luke had texted me paragraphs about how bad his mental health was and how bad he was struggling.

But I was too.

And I just couldn't stay with him, not knowing the truth, and no one- including the girl from the night- could tell me the truth.

"Ava" he spoke as I cried out, turning away from him.

"Baby, please talk to me"

I managed to take a deep breath, looking to him.

His grown out hair.
His dark circles.
The beard he always hated when he grew it out.
Visibly skinnier.
The sweet pants and white tee.

"Please, just sit with me- I just want to talk to you."

So I sat with him.

And I listened to him tell me the same story that he has told me thousands of times.

The remembers about his fifth drink
He doesn't know why he was drinking so much
He remembers waking up to Luke pouring water on him

And then he tells me about how Luke explained how I caught him- and the girl he was in bed with.

"And she even told me that she undressed me and we didn't have sex, so I seriously don't think we had sex, baby" he grabbed my hands.

"And I went and got tested to be sure- I'm still clean- there's nothing wrong with me" I swore he was going to cry as he held my hands, bringing them to his mouth to kiss.

"The girl- her name was Amanda- she told me two days after I moved out your house that she didn't remember if you guys had sex but that she was sore" I told him calmly.

"Baby- I swear to God- I would never purposefully do this to you." He started crying.

I let him continue to hold my hands.

"You need to get more sleep" I told him calmly.

"And you need to eat- you've lost weight," I mumbled quietly.

"Baby- I am not okay" he admitted to me.

"I'm not okay with the pain that I've caused you, I can't live without you and I especially can't live knowing I hurt you. I wish I could just go back in time and tell Calum to shove that party up his ass." He sobbed to me.

"If I come to your house, will you eat?" I asked him calmly.

He agreed.

So I let him take me to his house.

"I uh- I haven't really been cleaning-" "it's okay ash."

I followed him inside, it wasn't terribly dirty, but everything was just how I'd left it.

He stood in the kitchen with me as I made him a grilled cheese, seeing that he didn't have many food options.

I ordered him groceries to be delivered as he ate.

I cleaned for him, hearing him continually ask me not to, even beginning to cry as he did, but I did it.

I even shaved his beard for him.

I knew how bad depression was and how hard it was to take care of yourself when you feel as bad as he describes feeling.

He was the one who took care of me when I felt that way over losing my family.

So I wanted to be sure that he was okay.

I wiped his face gently, wiping a tear as it fell.

"Ava, please stay with me" he whispered, intertwining our fingers to pull me closer to him, making me let our foreheads touch.

I smelled his lavender shampoo.

I missed him so much.

I kissed his cheek gently

"I promise, i will never do anything to hurt you again. I will absolutely never even get drunk again if you don't want me to- I swear- I haven't touched alcohol since you left" he cried out

I hugged him, feeling him wrap his arms around me

I couldn't live happily without him

"I swear baby, I never even intended to hurt you and I will never let your heart feel this pain again." He spoke into my shoulder.

"Okay Ashton" I spoke into his shoulder, feeling him squeeze me tighter.

"Are you staying?" He sounded immediately hopeful.

I looked to him.

He wouldn't hurt me.
All the times he held me when I cried.
Him holding me through my parents and Eve's funeral.
Him holding me through Jacob's suicide and funeral.
Through the bad days that hurt too much to even talk about.
Through even the good days, when I felt bad for being happy without my family.
All the kisses, the random 'I love you's', the constant hugs and touches of assurance

He may not remember what happened that night and I may always have doubts that maybe the liquor made him do something stupid, or maybe the liquor out him to sleep and allowed worse things to happen.

We will never know, and I have to accept that.

I have no reason to believe Ashton when he tells me that he is sorry and he never intended to hurt me and will never hurt me again.

I kissed his lips gently

"I don't ever want to spend another minute of my life without you."

      

                                    The end.

Im beyond evil, I know, you don't have to tell me. Hope you guys liked it!