Gone by Ghosts (Natasha Romanoff x OC)

~7~Running from your Problems

TRIGGER WARNING: There is a panic attack happening in paragraph two

Kate's POV

United States, New York City 07/14/2009:

She woke up covered in a thin, cool film of sweat and gasping for air as if she had really been breathing in smoke for the last 6 hours she spent in a hectic and bewildering haze of a dream. A memory to be exact.

Minutes pass by as Kate stared at the ceiling of her apartment, recalling the events of that night, about five years ago. Her heart beat faster and faster the more she tried to think of what happened to her after the blackout. The walls closed in on her as she tried to remember. She choked on the lump in her throat and heard her pulse pound in her ears. The light that filled the room burned in her eyes so bad that she shut them tightly. She curled up to get smaller. To hide away from her fear. She felt the walls closing in further and further like they were trying to crush her. Her arms were wrapped around her knees and her nails dug into her skin until eventually, one broke through. The nail pierced through the layers of skin and a stream of thick, dark-red blood ran down her arm. The pain she felt was like a relive. She could breathe. Just like minutes before she gasped for air but this time she actually felt the oxygen fill her lungs and wash through her veins.

Still curled up she took breath after breath, knowing that she had to wait till she was really back again. This wasn't the first time it had gotten so bad. This morning was bad enough but this right here, that was really fucking terrifying.

After a few more minutes went by until Kate let go of her knees and sat up. She stared at the cup in front of her. There was no more steam, no heat. The tea had gotten cold. How long had she been out? She checked the watch on her living room wall and was shocked when it read 15:48.

Her eyes scanned the room for an idea of what to do with herself. They stopped at the briefcase on her bed. Maria had given her the files for the mission before they left Fury's office and now they were in that briefcase. Slowly she stood up and checked if her muscles were ready for that kind of activity. They didn't even twitch, which for once was a pleasant surprise. She strolled over to her bed and pulled the documents out of the briefcase. She sat down at the end of the bed and held the files in her hands, yet she didn't open them. Her fingers tapped against their back, one of them leaving a spot of a bloody fingerprint, while she did her best to convince herself to open it and confront herself with the reality of the following days.

Her eyes started to wander again until she spotted her running shoes under her wardrobe. Quickly she put the file in one of the drawers, locked it, and put on her shoes. Running was exactly the thing she needed right now. It always helped her to get her mind off things or just run away from her problems for a while.

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Kate chose the same way she got in to get out and climbed down the fire escape. She looked around the corner to check for any of her neighbors and then started running. Soon she fell into a fast but calming rhythm. Her mind was empty and she could actually enjoy the rising heart rate this time. Her feet carried her through the streets of queens past people minding their business until her muscles burned. The rhythm of her feet and heart intertwined to a freeing melody taking her away from the past that haunted her and the future she dreaded until she was standing in front of the bar's entrance.

She entered and saw the bar owner cleaning up some table tops.

"Hello, there.", the woman greeted her.

"Hi, Mrs. Garcia.", Kate greeted her back and picked up the salt and pepper tray so she could wipe the table clean.

"Thank you, my dear.", she said and moved over to the next table where Kate repeated her action. "You're still doing part of the show tonight, right?"