THE FADING FALLEN ● Bucky Barnes X OC ● 18+ ● ENGLISH [COMPLETE]

Chapter 53

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"When Steve told me what he was planning, I don't think we were really assure what it felt like for a black man to be handed the shield. How could we? I owe you an apology. I'm sorry."

Bucky, who had picked up the shield, passed it to Sam with a glum expression.

"Whatever happend with Walker, it wasn't your fault. I get it. It's just, that shield's the closest thing I've got left to a family. So when you retired it, it made me feel like I had nothing left." 

Sam realized that he was still struggling with himself and especially with the actions of the Winter Soldier. Even more so since he had lost his best friend.Despite Bucky seeming to be more balanced than ever the last two days, he still hadn't found a way to come to terms with it. 

"I understand, man. But Steve's gone. And this might be a surprise, but it doesn't matter what Steve thought. You gotta stop looking to other people to tell you who you are." 

With a blast, the shield bounced back off one of the mat-protected tree trunks and then flew a loop toward Bucky.

"Funny you bring that up. Someone advised me something similar last night." His eyes fell on the small porch, where Emilia was staring intently at her notebook.

Without turning around, Sam knew who was responsible for the suddenly peaceful expression on his counterpart's face.

And the obvious fact that Bucky had found a way to live a more normal life, at least in this aspect, brought a certain curiosity to the surface.

"Let me ask you: you still having those nightmares?"

"All the time. But since she's been back, not as often." 

Taking his eyes off Emilia, Bucky again threw the shield once across the area, only for it to be caught again by Sam moments later.

"It means I remember. It means a part of me is still there. Which means a part of the Winter Soldier's still in me."

"You want to climb out of the hell you're in, do the work. Do it."

"I've been making amends."

You could literally hear Sam roll his eyes in criticism.

"Nah. You weren't amending, you were avenging. You were stopping all the wrongdoers you enabled as the Winter Soldier, because you thought it would bring you closure. You go to these people and say 'sorry', because you think it'll make you feel better, right? But you gotta make them feel better. You gotta go to hem and be of service. I'm sure there's at least one person in that book who needs closure about somethin and you're the only person, who can give it to'em."

Bucky pulled out the small notebook and flipped aimlessly through it for a few moments. Sighing, he shut it again and just held it in his hands.

"Probably a dozen..." 

"Start with one." 

There was a confident air in Sam's voice. Even more so when he looked toward his sister's house.

"And don't think that shield is the only thing you have left. If I were you, I wouldn't let her go again."

Almost as if Emilia realized he was talking about her, she looked up. For a few seconds, Bucky gazed directly at her. Until, smiling a little wryly, she gave them both a quick wave of her hand.

A bit irritated by the penetrating stares from him and Sam, she turned back to the research in front of her, shaking her head.

Her little quirk of pulling the corner of her mouth up so that the dimple was revealed sent a cozy feeling through the pit of Bucky's stomach.