Our Painted Love | EDITING

Chpt 47. | panic attack |

I woke up to a sharp sting on my arm and low cries. It didn't take long for me to process what was happening because it's not the first time.

I quickly woke up and shut on the light on the nightstand. Eliana sat there shaking tremendously and crying really fucking hard. Her lip quivered as she slurred on repeated words over and over again.

"No no no no no" she cried as she pulled herself into a little ball. She noticed that I had woken up and her crying got even harder. "I want to go home I want to go home I want to go home" she repeated crying.

"Eli" I whispered. Her sobs got even louder. "Calm down for me" I said tying her hair back.

"No no no no" she cried. "I'm scared" she whined. "I want to go home" she slurred. I grabbed her small body and placed her in my lap.

"Shhh" I rocked her. "Can you name five things you can see for me?" I soothingly questioned as I continuously brushed her hair back. She didn't respond. I felt the clawing on my arm again. One of her coping mechanisms, she tried to calm herself down by scratching things.

She buried her face into my white t shirt. She struggled to breathe. "Can you name five things you can see for me?" I whispered. She opened her mouth to try and say it, but nothing but silence came out. She then shook her head no. It fucking hurts to see her like this.

I nodded. "Eli" I whispered. "I love you" I said. "You're fine, you're okay, I'm here, we're a team" I said.

"I-" she stuttered once again. "I ca-n-t feel- anything" she cried. It only got louder, and she probably already woke someone up by now.

"Please say something for me" I begged feeling worst. She's struggling on her own and I can't even help.

I could feel my arms opening. If it gets worse, she could pass out. I felt the shaking get even worse. "I don't want to do it, I don't want to do it, I don't want to do it" she quickly shook her head. What is she even thinking about?

"I love you" I whispered. I laid us down on the bed and started rubbing her back. She put her head down and wrapped her arms around my neck. "You got to keep your head up so you can breathe" I reminded as she moved her head up.

She rolled over and started breathing. "In for six seconds" I whispered. I followed through it with her. "Out for twelve" she was cooperating perfectly. The shaking slightly slowed down.

~

We continued this process for about another ten minutes until she finally calmed down. She looked so worn out. Her eyes were very very puffy, and she looked so pale. Her lips looked slightly bruised, and her hair was also puffy.

She had the hiccups and she stared at the ceiling. "I'm sorry" she apologized. "I didn't mean to awake you" she apologized.

"No" I responded. "I'm glad you did, I never ever want you to handle anything like that on your own" I explained. "You don't deserve to be going through that" I said.

It was only a matter of time before she threw herself onto my body. She sank in as her dried out face fell on my bare chest. "I love you" she said with so much sympathy. "I love you more than anything" she replaced.

She started getting these really bad panic attacks right when she got home. It started off slight and it was something that I could control at first, but this isn't the worst one yet.

The worst one was the second one she had ever had. She passed out from not being able to breathe and I had to take her to the hospital again. She had ripped open four fractured bones again and the bruises got worse before they got better because of these wild attacks.