✓ [BOOK 01] TOLERATE | JAYWON FF

Chapter 30

And there I lost my shit.

Week after week. No explanation from Jay and that's what I get. The issue with us disappeared and it was replaced by the dating rumor about him and Amari.

My mental health is so fucked up. Riki tried to comfort me, but I just can't. Is this how he fixed
things?

I don't want to jump to a conclusion because the company might have done it again to turn down the issue about us. But the photos... I don't know anymore. Each day, different photos were uploaded and each photo is killing me. At this moment, I just want to give up. I think I am done fighting alone. This is not the relationship I signed up for.

Beer cans are all over my place. I smell bad and I have a beard now. I forgot how to treat myself better. So, the consequence of giving too much love is losing myself? I wasn't informed, I might have dodged it.

I was on the floor drinking when I heard a knock on my door. I stood up weakly and opened the door. With no emotions, I stared at the person who had caused me pain.

Jay looked at me from head to toe. "W–Won."

"What are you doing here?" I ask, coldly.

Tears stream down Jay's cheeks. "Kitten. W–What happened to you?" He cupped my cheeks and cried as he checked my physical appearance. I slapped his hands away from me and stared at him blankly. "Are you seriously asking me that?"

"I—" He was about to say something but I cut him off.

"Let's break up."

Jay was shocked by what I said. He shook his head repeatedly and tried to hold my hand again. "No. No, Please... You don't mean that," He said but I just looked at him without any remorse.

"I mean it, Jay. There's no hope in this relationship."

Jay hugged me while repeatedly saying 'No' and 'Please'. He is sobbing hard and that feels like multiple knives stabbed me directly in the heart. I want to take what I said but I'm choosing myself this time. "I–I can't give up our relationship. I–I don't want to. Let's fight please." He put his hands on my shoulders while directly looking at me upon saying those words. When he saw that I already made my decision. He loosely removes his hands from me.

"Give me 10 reasons why I should stay, and 1 reason why I should leave," I told him.

Jay wiped his tears before giving me a weak smile. "I love you."

"You are the only reason why I am surviving this unfair world."

"We are each other's home."

"You are my rest."

"I can't function completely without you."

"I don't want to lose you or our relationship."

"You're my lifeline."

"You're my safe place, Won."

"You are the only valuable treasure that I got. Not the money nor the fame could replace that."

"You are my everything."

After that, Jay smiled while sobbing. "And... And the reason why you should... why you should l–leave me is because..." he sobs hard and choked between his words. "Y–You're tired, my love."

"I fucked us up. I can see that you are already done fighting and I am so sorry for letting you fight alone. My love was supposed to heal but... it ruined you," He cupped my face. I cried so hard that I could barely see him. "I–I will always love you remember that. I will continue to fight this battle alone, you have done enough baby and now it's my time." He continues to wipe my tears.

"Rest, Love," He kissed me on my lips. "I am now letting you go." I hugged him and we both cried in each other's arms.

"If God permits, I'd love to see you again."