Let Me Be Your Hero (Yato x OC)} Noragami fanfiction

Chapter 45 - I want to tell him

I sat at the shrine's entrance, leaning against a pillar. I took a deep breath as I closed my eyes. And in the darkness of my own eye lids, I almost saw everything. All the memories. Of what happened before I was reborn and after I was reborn.

As I opened my eyes once again, I streched my arm and reached out for the stars in the nightsky. As if I wanted to take a grip of them and never let go. I sighed as I slowly pulled back my arm and stared at my palm. No stars at all. Of course not. It was impossible to catch stars with a bare hand.

"So if I die... Yato also will... Huh?" As I looked back up at the sky.

That actually wouldn't be bad at all... Would it?

But as soon as that thought reached my mind, I shook my head. No... To think that it wouldn't be bad would just mean that I am selfish. It would mean that I would want him to die whenever I do... That I want us to die together...

How selfish...

"Akira!" As my head turned towards the direction from where the voice came from, I saw Yato. I forced a smile on my lips and waved as he slowly went up the stairs and finally reached the entrance on which I was waiting for him, leaning against the pillar of the big entrance gate. "Did you manage to make up some things with them, Yato?"

In my own surprise he didn't answer for a while. He just stared at me silently. "Yato...?" I suddendly felt how his arms wrapped around me. "Y-Yato? Did something happen? What is wrong?" "No... It's nothing..." As I tried to softly push him away, I felt how his grip tightened. "Please... Let's just stay like this... For a while..."

I stopped moving.

So I am supposed to end the contract with Yato... Isn't that so? For his own sake...

But...

I felt how Yato softly whispered something into my ear. I could barely hear it. But if I was right... It was a quiet "I am sorry." He repeated that sentence for so many times. And I wanted to tell him. To tell him that there is no need to be sorry. To tell him I was okay as he left me alone in the rain. To tell him that it was fine that he left me, since he just wanted to help me by doing that. To tell him that I was fine waiting all that time for him to come back. To tell him that it was okay for me to die.

Yet... That would just be a big lie. Wouldn't it...?

...After all I am selfish.

Maybe I shouldn't tell him at all.

Not only that... But also really... Really, really...

That's right... It would be better if I wouldn't tell him... I will stay silent. Like that I won't get hurt anymore. And if I end the contract... I probably will stop having contact with him, too. It wouldn't be only good for him but also for me... Right? But... Why am I not telling him about that? And why am I not even asking him if that what the girl with the short brown hair said, was true? Why am I just remaining like this... Not being able to accept reality?

...Lonely...

And yet... I wonder... What if I told him that I remember everything? What if I let him in on my charade? What if I told him what was really going on? What if I told him... That he still is my hero... And that I still love him...?

After a while he let go. "Yeah... I managed to make up with Hiyori and Yukine..." And as his eyes met mine, my lips softly parted. "Hiyori and Yukine... " I paused and stared at the ground. Suddendly I felt Yato's hand on my head. He patted it. "We should go to sleep, Akira. It's already late." I softly nodded.

A few hours passed. It was cold. Of course it was. After all we were outside. And it also was the end of autumn. Which means it would become winter, soon. Yet, there were no clouds in the sky, which made it easy to gaze at the stars.

Yato was leaning against the wall of the shrine, while I was at the other side of it. I was unable to sleep. And after a while of being lost in my thoughts, I stood up and sneaked to the other side of the holy building, on which Yato was. He seemed to be sleeping in piece. I sat down beside him, as I stared at his sleeping face. I softly chuckled. "You know, Yato... I am the one who should be sorry. Not you." I paused and stared back at the sky. "After all... I am the one who still has a lot of things which I haven't told you yet..." I just sat there for a while and looked back at Yato. He hasn't moved an inch. Of course he hasn't. After all he was sleeping.

And in the end...

And somehow... There still was this feeling of disappointment. Why? I don't know... Maybe because he really seemed to be asleep. But that didn't matter anymore. "There is so much I want to say to you. Yet... I am scared... That I only end up being hurt, once again... I am so selfish... Aren't I...?" I softly smiled.

I am the one who is the idiot... Not you...

But also at the same moment I felt relieved. As if something heavy fell from my heart, which finally made it easier to breathe. I stood up and went to the other side of the shrine again. I finally closed my eyes and somehow managed to find my sleep.

I am such a fool...