Hello, my fellow readers and writers.
Are you a writer, tired of messaging different people and telling them to read your book?
Or
Are you a reader looking for books written by new writers, hoping to see new ideas and concepts?
If you fall in either...
The blurb wasn't intriguing enough. It didn't really have that mysterious vibe. Plus, 'secret' was overused. I think you should find a better way of saying that. And don't tell us why Theo's pack is after him. Make us curious.
Introduction: 5/5
The first few lines of your book were very good. "Trust takes years to build, seconds to break, and an eternity to repair". That was solid wisdom right there. Loved this.
Writing style: 15/20
Good, good, but too much info dumping. Info dumping is when you write about things irrelevant to the plot. Like her friends' sexuality, which side of the family Ashley is from, etc... Readers don't really care about that stuff. Rather, slowly introduce the characters to us. Don't tell us their personal info in one paragraph. We'll soon forget. If you want more on this, read Edit Like An Editor by jgfairytales. It will help you a lot.
Secondly, you switched between past and present tense. When she's narrating especially, you use present tense sometimes. You have to stick with one.
Thirdly, you over-emphasis some words. You use too many italics. Most words didn't need it.
Mechanics 16/20:
There were a few mistakes regarding your punctuation. The comma especially. Again, there were too many dashes(–). There were some sentences that could have stood on their own, yet you still used the em dash. Please correct this...
Content 17/20:
It was a bit overloaded with unnecessary details so I found it boring. But, there were a few enjoyable moments.
Character development 8/10:
The beginning was a bit slow for me and it felt like it focused more on romance than on their challenges and the road left for them to travel. I thought things were going to jump straight into the action and all but it wasn't so.
Originality: 7/10:
I have honestly read a lot of this type of genre but it was a little different. Though I think you can make it more special than it already is.
Enjoyment 6/10:
Due to the info dumping, there was a lot of unnecessary information and it made me bored. But, I did enjoy it to some extent.
Total: 76/100
***Please take the criticism in a positive manner***
~LETICIA(THE REVIEWER)
~THE BOOK CAFE
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