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When the alarm goes off in the morning Renjun immediately clings tighter to Haechan.
"Good morning Junie." He says softly before kissing his cheek.
"Good morning." He says as he hugs him tighter.
"How will I work for you if you won't let me go?" He asks between soft kisses to his face and neck.
"Sorry. Now that I have you in my reach, I don't want to let go." He says softly.
"How about i call you every break and anytime there is no one there?" Renjun smiles widely.
"I appreciate your efforts but you don't have to spend all your free time concerning yourself with my abandonment issues." He says softly.
"I wouldn't be. I would be spending it talking to the man I love." Renjun gets shy and turns away.
"I'm going to shower. I love you." Renjun nods and kisses his lips once more. He lays there clutching his blankets and listening to the water come down. He pinches his arm as tears start to fall involuntarily. He tries but fails to stop them. He feels it coming back, the panic.
"Shit, not now. Stop. Go away, it's fine, everything is fine. He's safe, he's safe and he's here and everything is fine." He feels his breath getting shallower as he pinches his arm harder.
"Fuck. No, stop." He chants as he tries desperately to calm himself. After a few minutes he feels like it's working. His fingers and toes feel a little tingly and the rest of him is starting to feel lighter.
When Haechan walks out he quickly disrupts the peaceful feeling that has overcome the other.
"Junie? What the fuck?" He asks loudly, on the verge of yelling.
"Shh, it's ok. I'm better now. It's gone." Haechan is so confused and terrified. He runs back into the bathroom to wet a cloth and rushes back out to him. He gently peels Renjun's fingers from around his arm and wipes away the blood from his fingernails before he gently washes his arm. It's not as bad as it first looked but he was obviously pressing in hard with his nails. He silently goes back to get a clean washcloth and gently washes the tear stains from his face and wipe the sweat from his brow.
"Can you tell me what happened? Why were you hurting yourself Junie?" He asks on the verge of tears himself. Renjun looks away, ashamed. He didn't think he was doing it that hard. He didn't know there was any blood until he watched him clean his arm.
"I'm sorry." He whispers.
"I didn't think it would happen again." He says sadly.
"I guess i was afraid this wasn't real. I'm scared that when you leave to go to work, you will disappear." Haechan crawls over him and kisses his lips with a lot more passion than previous kisses. He then hands him his phone.
"Call someone to work for you. I'm staying here and before you even start to argue. I know they were all willing to help you before but you refused, so they will gladly do it now." He nods reluctantly but dials Mark who wasn't on the schedule for today and explains that he hurt his knee last night and would like him to open for him. He left the rest out, they will worry enough about his knee so he doesn't need them worrying about his mental state too.
"Of course. You rest up and I'll check on you later." He says without an ounce of hesitation and this makes him cry again. All this time, all of his friends were there for him and he didn't realize just how much they would do for him and he's feeling so overwhelmed. Haechan holds him tightly. He doesn't really know what these fresh tears are about but he's just letting him let it go.
"I have to pee." Renjun whispers after a few minutes into his neck where he's cuddled. Haechan smiles and looks at him before kissing him softly. He quickly gets off him and helps him to his feet. His knee is a bit stiff so it's more of a struggle but he gets upright. He doesn't want Haechan to carry him everywhere because he needs to figure out how to do it alone when he's not here. He gets his crutches and works on getting to the bathroom, Haechan stays right behind him the whole time just in case he tips over. Once he is safely in the bathroom he closes the door and waits outside. He sighs. His thoughts are all over the place and the worst part is, is that he knows he caused this. His leaving impacted him more than he ever thought it would and the guilt is eating him alive.
Since it's still really early he talks him into getting back into bed. He is the big spoon as he holds Renjun and kisses the back of his head and neck softly.
"I'm so sorry Junie. I'm sorry I did this to you. I will do anything to prove I won't ever leave again, just please stop hurting." Renjun hums and pulls his hand up and kisses it.
"I'm not going to lie and say that your leaving didn't tear me apart, but I think I played a big role in these panic attacks too. I was over working myself and I didn't eat well. I didn't take care of me physically and it took a toll mentally." Haechan shakes his head.
"It's still my fault, you wouldn't have done that if I didn't leave." He says sadly. Renjun pulls his arms around him tighter.
"You leaving was awful and made me sad but how I dealt with those feelings isn't on you. Please don't take blame for that. I want to be done with these bad feelings and I can't if you are running around here feeling guilty. Now let's cuddle and sleep until noon."

They did end up falling asleep again, Haechan's jet lag was more prevalent than he thought and Renjun was just enjoying being held in his arms.
When Renjun woke the second time he was a bit confused. He could still feel arms around him but he smelled good cooking. It took him a few minutes to realize what was going on. He slowly turns in Haechan's arms and kisses his face.
"Someone is here, wake up." He whispers onto his lips. Haechan groans happily at the sensation.
"I like waking up like this, it's so much better than your alarm." Renjun giggles and kisses all over his exposed skin making him laugh.
"Someone's here. We have to get up. They made food." Renjun says softly.
"Who?" He asks sleepily.
"Probably NoMin. They cook for me a lot." He says with a smile. Haechan swallows nervously.
"Jeno hates me and is probably going to kick my ass today, so I want you to know these past few hours with you have been the highlight of my life." Renjun giggles.
"Don't worry, I won't let him kill you." Haechan kisses him.
"Thanks." He says as he stands and helps him to his feet.
"I guess It's now or never right?" Haechan asks. Renjun just nods and allows him to lead the way.
Haechan opens the door for him and allows him out first and when he looks up it's to the blank stares of two of his other best friends.
"Hi." He says awkwardly. Renjun hobbles to the table on his crutches while everyone else is just frozen. When he struggles to get a chair pulled out they all seem to come too at the same time. Jaemin gets to him first and helps him sit.
"I think you have some explaining to do." Jeno says to Haechan while making eyes toward Renjun.
"I had nothing to do with that." He says, assuming he was referring to his injury. Jeno rolls his eyes.
"I know you're an asshole but you wouldn't hurt him. I'm not that fucking stupid." He pauses and walks closer making Haechan tense up.
"Hi." Jeno says before pulling him into his arms. Haechan hugs back, reluctantly at first but soon melts into it. Soon Jaemin joins the hug and Renjun sits with a small smile watching. He loves his friends so much.

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