Back To You

26

TW- self harm

L E X I
G O N Z A L E S

Everything was going okay, actually it was going amazing. I felt that I was finally able to live my life and not feel suffocated constantly. I was with my friends all the time, I was doing good in school.

Everything was some kind of perfect.

But that's all gone to shits now.

I don't know how to explain all the negative emotions and feelings running through me but all I can say is it is a shit feeling and I may have finally hit rock bottom.

I thought I hit rock bottom and then more shit happened and I hit even lower rock bottom. If there is another layer of rock bottom that I am yet to meet, I have no idea if I'll make it out alive.

Lying on the floor of bathroom I stare up at my ceiling like I have been doing for the last couple hours with zero distractions or disturbances which I like as I've hit a whole all other level of overthinking. 

My arms and my legs sting from the feeling of the cuts on them.
I relapsed.
Pretty badly.

Probably the worst I've ever done.

But the physical pain works as a dilute from the mental pain.

I should probably get up and bandage up my arms and thighs but my bathroom is covered in broken glass because I threw my glass tray on the floor and it shattered all across my bathroom, some of the glass shards pierced my skin and are probably still stuck there now. I also smashed my mirror as I hated looking at myself with all the cuts up my arms after I promised myself to not do it anymore.

You can't make promises with self harm.
You'll break them every time.

To sum up my day.

I pushed Reece away to save myself and him from hurting each other more than we already have.

My naive self obviously thought he changed.

~Earlier that day~

"You know what I just realised?" Turning away from my phone like Ivy and Hannah we look at Sydney "we never got revenge on the guys for scaring us at the lake house back in September"

"Lucky bastards" Ivy grumbles.

"That's totally unfair, but how are we supposed to scare them like they did. They are five- probably four- boys with zero emotions. It would be easy to scare Max, he gets scared by Ki every time he comes over" Hannah says "she's so obsessed over him"

"They have soccer practice later so how about we just steal their kit and then they'll have to wear the lost and found kit that hasn't been washed in decades- more like centuries" I suggest and the girls agree with me.

"They are in detention now so that gives us a good amount of time to steal the kit and be nosey" Sydney adds as we stand up from our table and walk towards the cafeteria doors.

"Detention?"

"Yep, it's becoming a daily occurrence for them at the moment. They're boys, they are stupid" Sydney says.