Californication

57. Fixing Things

"Um.. what?" Will answered, turning to you with wide eyes.

You immediately went red, not sure what to say next.

"I mean, like, how are you?"

You couldn't hide the embarrassment now, but it was only the two of you so you really had nothing to loose.

Will opened his mouth to answer but then shut it again. He shuffled uncomfortably but then leant back into his chair, still looking at you wearily but a little more relaxed.

It was weird that you were looking eye to eye now. It was so different. He looked more scared, more frightened, more anxious, more hurt, more cold.

"I'm better." He replied slowly, "I feel better for telling you I mean, it sort of... takes it off me, but then it feels wrong but right that you know... I don't know."

You nodded understandingly.

"You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to."

"No." He answered firmly, "I want to. I want to fix things with us. We can't be distant."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean your my best friend. I shouldn't have done that to you, I shouldn't have gotten so close. I'm sorry if it hurt you. I understand why you were a upset earlier and I hope I can fix us. I want you to be in the party, I want you to fight with us, I want you to be with us. Things just wouldn't be right without you."

You smiled at his words, grateful to see how much he cared and proud that he'd decided to tell you.

"You see," Will continued, "It's always been him. But that's made me forget how much you mean, and even if it's not in that way, I still want to be with you, do you understand?"

"I think so." You nodded, placing a hand on his shoulder.

His eyes awkwardly moved around the car, not wanting to make eye contact.

"You're not grossed out?"

You paused for a minute, unsure what he meant. Then it clicked.

"No, of course not. To me, you're no different than you were before." You tried to give him an encouraging smile, "I was only upset because it wasn't me."

You chuckled, and Will smiled in relief.

"But really," You looked at him seriously, "I'm glad we're okay again too."

"What about your feelings?"

"I'll get rid of them somehow."

"I guess I'll have to do the same for him."

"Maybe."

The two of you sunk back into your seats. Will looked tired, but his mind was still whizzing and his eyes were still darting around the car.

You didn't say anything for a moment. You just watched. It was obvious what was on his mind now.

"How bad has it got then?"

"What?" He gave you a puzzled look, resting his arm on the bench between you.

"You know exactly what I mean."

"Wh-" He paused halfway through his sentence and realisation shimmered in his eyes.

"So go on," You filled in the silence, "How bad?"

"Pretty bad."

"Explain."