Before I Forget

A New Record

I'm sorry
I know I fucked up but I swear I didn't mean to hurt u
I was just talking shit with the guys, it didn't mean anything, they're not gonna even remember it tomorrow
I love u so much
Sky
Sky please say something
I'm worried
Just let me know that u r okay
Sky please, I love u
r u breaking up with me?
Please don't dump me Sky I'll do anything
Let me take u out after school tomorrow, I can skip Karate, I just wanna apologize to u
I'm sorry

Sky let out a long sigh as she scrolled through the messages Hawk had sent her last night and this morning. She laid her spoon back into the bowl of cereal and stirred her food absentmindedly - she had no appetite and even the smell of milk was making her nauseous.

The night had been a literal nightmare. She had woken up every half an hour or so, gasping for air as panic gripped her heart with claws of ice. She had been sure she was in Matt's living room again, she had seen him standing in the doorway, laughing as he ran his fingers through his blond hair. She had watched him shoot Kat, had tasted blood on her lips when she woke up screaming, covered in a cold sweat.

Dad had suggested she skipped school today and got some rest instead, but Sky was having none of that. After the horrors of last night, Sky desperately needed some normalcy - she needed her friends, she needed the distraction school offered. Besides—

Today they would hand the science project to the teacher, and Sky didn't want to miss it.

"Try to eat something," Dad's gentle voice said, bringing Sky back to the moment. "Or at least drink your coffee."

"I'm trying."

She picked up her mug and started sipping her latte - realizing Dad had put at least twice the normal amount of sugar in it. It was so sweet it made her grimace.

"Sky, about what you told me last night—"

She put the mug back down. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything—"

"No, I'm glad you did. And I just called Dr. Adams. She has time to see you today, Sky. After school."

"Dad—"

"It's good that you decided to open up," Dad said, his voice soft but stern. "But I can't— I can't help you, not properly. You need to talk to a professional about this, Sky."

Sky wrapped her cold fingers around the coffee mug to absorb some of its warmth. The scent of coffee, cardamon, and sweet vanilla filled her senses, but her stomach went tight with fear and anxiety. She knew dad was right, but it didn't make it any easier.

"Sky, it's important. You have to tell your therapist about this. She can't help you get better if you keep secrets like this from her."

"I know."

"I'll pick you up after school and take you to see her. Okay? Don't make any other plans."

Sky nodded but kept her eyes on the table. She didn't want to see the pity in Dad's eyes, the worry. She didn't want to see if Dad looked at her differently now that he knew what she was.

She hoped she could take back every word she had said last night.

With a sigh, she picked up her phone and read Hawk's messages again. The sharp suffocating hurt and anger she had felt towards him the day before had turned into a dull ache that weighed heavily on her chest.

She missed him, missed his arms around her, missed the sound of his heartbeat, his scent of cotton and boy, she missed everything about him and she wanted so very badly to believe that he was sorry, that he really hadn't meant to hurt her, that it didn't have to end, not now, not like this.