Before I Forget

Endgame

"What happened to your hands?" Mom asked, and Hawk looked up from his spaghetti.

He swallowed his mouthful and met Mom's eyes over the table where they were having dinner - just the two of them, like most nights. Dad was on a business trip - he had left the same day Mom had gotten back from her trip - which meant Mom hadn't seen Dad's cut lip or the bruises on his face.

She had, however, seen Hawk's healing bruises and asked about them. Hawk wasn't all that sure that she had believed his lies about a training accident, even if he was a pretty decent liar.

He glanced at his knuckles that were bruised and scraped and a memory of Rickenberger spitting blood to the floor tiles flashed through his mind, making him suddenly lose his appetite.

"Must've hit the punching bag a bit too hard, I guess," he said and shrugged.

"That looks really painful."

"It's nothing, Mom. I'm fine."

Hawk took another forkful of the spaghetti and flushed it down with lemonade, trying to act as if everything was okay, as if he wasn't dying inside, as if the tomato sauce on his plate didn't remind him of the bright red splatters of Rickenberger's blood.

He had avoided Mom the best he could lately - there were so many things he hadn't told her that it was hard to keep up with all the lies and the secrets. He hated the guilt it made him feel, the cold stone in his stomach, even if he knew that the lies were for Mom's own good. What she didn't know couldn't hurt her. Hawk could only imagine how upset she'd be if she knew what he had done to Rickenberger.

"I'm worried about you," Mom said softly, cradling a glass of red wine in her hands. "All these bruises you've gotten lately–"

"Mom, please–" Hawk muttered, his eyes on his food. "It's nothing. I told you, I'm just training hard, that's all."

"It's not just that. You're out almost every night, and I don't even know who you're with."

"I'm at the dojo, you know that. And I'm hanging out with the guys."

"Yes, but I don't know those guys. Your life is changing so fast that sometimes...  I feel like I can't keep up. I don't even know who you're friends with, nowadays. Why don't you invite them here so that I can meet them–?"

"Mom, come on–" Hawk groaned, trying really hard not to sound disrespectful. But seriously - what did Mom think? That he was still in pre-school and wanted to build Legos with Demetri in his room?

Mom seemed to understand his meaning, and she looked down, a faint, embarrassed blush rising to her cheeks. She sipped on her wine and stirred the spaghetti on her plate for a while, clearly deep in thought. Hawk decided not to care, and trying to ignore the knot of guilt that was forming in his gut, he took a forkful of spaghetti. He didn't really have an appetite tonight, but he didn't want Mom asking questions about that too. This conversation was awkward enough as it was.

"Eli, I haven't seen Sky in ages," Mom noted, making Hawk almost choke on his food. "Why don't you ask her for dinner one of these days? Maybe her Dad too? It would be so nice."

Fucking Hell—!

Hawk felt like the floor vanished under his feet and he was sucked into a black hole.

He should have told Mom ages ago, of course, but first Mom had been on her business trip, and he hadn't wanted to tell her over the phone, and then when Mom had returned home, it had never felt like the tight time, and now—-

Well, this was just another one of his secrets that came punching him right in the face.

He let out a long sigh and stuffed his fork in the pile of spaghetti on his plate. There was no way he could go on eating now that his guts were climbing up his throat.