[BL] I shouldn't have married the crown prince

Chapter 38

I wore my favorite pajamas to be comfortable. I was a little disappointed that I wouldn't wear the gorgeous dress but this pajama was way more comfy. I went to my room to read a book. It was a bit lonely without Cadmael but I knew I had to get used to it. I felt some melancholy thinking back to our friendship. We had really great times and I knew I would cherish them forever. This thought made me smile and I got more and more into the book I was holding. Suddenly I heard someone knock on my door. The sudden sound made me flinch and I put down the book in a hurry to continue. I thought it was a servant but was very surprised to see the new emperor before my door.

"Cadmael? What are you doing here?"

He looked me up and down with a frown. He was wearing the clothes of an emperor and I didn't know how this small change could make him look so much more imposing.

"I could ask you the same question. Why aren't you wearing the dress? Don't you like it?

-I... I didn't have to. My father and brothers are already attending. You should go back to the ball too. You can't be here.

-I won't leave without you. I asked for a few days. Now I will never leave you.

-What? You can't be here. You are the new emperor. You should attend the ball."

Cadmael seemed so sad hearing this that he bit his lips. I felt really bad for pushing him away but he should have forgotten about me. What was he doing here? I needed to keep my distance but why did I want to wear that dress so badly? I needed to press my lips really hard not to say anything I would regret later on.

Cadmael bowed his head and I could see tears falling down on his cheeks. Some things just didn't change no matter how mature we were.

"I don't know anyone there... They are supposed to be my family but I never got to know them."

Hearing him say this made me tear up. Poor Cadmael... He had been abandoned by everyone and now he had to do as if everything was fine just because he was emperor. Couldn't an emperor suffer as well? I couldn't imagine what it would feel like and I just wanted to give him a hug.

"How will you be the emperor with such a kind heart? Are you that scared in the Palace?

-I am very scared without you."

Cadmael looked just like a puppy and I stroked his hair without realizing it. Cadmael seemed more surprised than me and I quickly wanted to withdraw my hand but Cadmael put his hand on mine to prevent me from doing so.

"You can touch me."

I immediately blushed. There was something strange in his voice and I withdrew my hand even faster. Cadmael seemed disappointed but didn't say anything. I lowered my gaze to forget what just happened and signed. Seeing Cadmael so scared, I felt very bad. I was the only one Cadmael had for now. How could I start ignoring him all of a sudden? Maybe I should wait until Cadmael made more friends in the Palace before doing so.

"You have to be strong in the Palace. I'll help you as much as I can until you stand on your own two feet."

Cadmael straightened suddenly, seeming satisfied by my decision.

"Will you really help me?

-Yes. I will do everything I can.

-Will you do anything?

-Of course.

-Anything?

-Sure.

-Stay with me.

-What did you say?

-Come live in the Palace with me.

-Live in the Palace? But I have to stay here with my family.

-You are not the heir. You can leave and do anything you want. Besides..." (you're my future wife so be used to the castle)

Cadmael lowered his gaze again and when he did so he really looked like a little puppy.

"I got used to sleeping in the same mansion as you. I will feel very scared if you are far away."

I thought about it for a second. I really didn't know what to do. Was this okay? I really wanted to help Cadmael and I didn't want to see him so sad. I knew that I would regret this decision later on but accepted anyway.

"Really?"

Cadmael showed a huge smile.

"I will live in the Palace but only until you can stand on your own two feet.

-Deal."

Cadmael lowered his head and hid a terrifying smile:

"I won't let you leave even after that."

I didn't hear him so I asked if he said something:

"You should get ready to leave.

-Do I have to pack now?

-I will send people to get your things tonight. Now you have to get ready for the ball.

-Am I going to the ball as well? Isn't living in the palace enough for now?

-I need you."

I signed. A ball infested with nobles who looked down on Cadmael a few days ago would surely be a terrifying place.

"Give me a few minutes.

-Do you want me to help?"

Cadmael seems really serious and I turned very red and denied the help offered. However, the dress was harder to put on than I would have thought. I was almost ready but had a hard time with the zipper on my back that I couldn't reach. I slightly opened my door and called for a maid. However it was Cadmael who appeared in front of the door:

"Do you need help?"

I almost closed the door in surprise but Cadmael prevented me from doing so.

"Could you call a maid, please?

-Why bother when I'm here?

-But..."

I really didn't know what to say. Cadmael wasn't wrong and there was nothing weird in asking him for help. I slowly opened the door and turned around my cheeks flushed:

"Could you help me? I can't reach the zipper?"

Cadmael didn't waste a second and helped me close the dress. He did it really slowly and I could feel his palms graze my skin all along which made me shudder. Once ready, Cadmael made me turn around and licked his lips satisfied:

"You are gorgeous."

I didn't know what to say or where to look so I just ignored it. I followed Cadmael to the carriage and he extended me a hand to help me get on. I accepted the hand without realizing it and didn't see how happy that made Cadmael. We got on the carriage and I felt the emperor's gaze on me during the whole ride.

"Do I have something on my face?

-You look really handsome. I am happy that I chose that color.

-You chose the outfit?

-Of course. Did you think I had some servant do it?

-Well, I know that you are quite busy.

-I always have time for you."

I looked out the window to ease my embarrassment. Wasn't this something he was supposed to say to Diana? Why was he here with me and not with her? I was very touched that we were such close friends but he needed to stay with his wife. I wouldn't have been offended.

Soon we arrived and Cadmael extended another hand to help me get down from the carriage. I accepted it but hesitated a few seconds before getting out.

"What is wrong?

-Nothing."

I couldn't tell him how scared I was of people as well. especially since what happened. Cadmael grew up but deep down he was still frightened and weak. I couldn't worry him. I should show a good example. Cadmael should have felt really scared because before entering the hall, he took my arm.