[BL] I shouldn't have married the crown prince

Chapter 88

I hid the book under my shirt, hugging it very close to my body. I couldn't lose it. It was way too precious. Or should I burn it? What should I do? I knew that I had just left to get time to think and I knew that the person I needed space from was none other than Cadmael but he was the first person I was thinking of and I rushed to our room as fast as I could.

Cadmael was still sitting on the bed when I came back and seeing me run in made him immediately straighten up:

"Eschyle? What happened? Are you okay? Did someone hurt you?"

Cadmael was already half standing up and I quickly nodded, trying to get my breathing back on track. I rushed to the bed and took the book out before handing it to Cadmael. The latter frowned before taking it.

"What is this?

-Open it."

Cadmael complied and the more he was reading the bigger his eyes became.

"I found this in the library."

Having reached the fifth chapter and seeing his own POV, Cadmael suddenly shut the book, pleading to me:

"Eschyle, I swear I only did that to get closer to you. You were terrified of me and now I understand why but I just wanted you to like me. I never would hurt you. I..."

I patted his head and Cadmael froze, bewildered:

"I know, I know. I didn't come here to yell at you. I just wanted to show you because I didn't know who else to show."

I looked at the book before smiling:

"So you knew the truth all along."

Cadmael nodded once.

"I am so sorry that I avoided you at the beginning. I just didn't want to die again. But you have always been there for me and I can't get mad at you for anything now."

I pinched my lips nervously:

"Reading all this felt weird. But a peaceful kind of weird and I couldn't understand what I was feeling."

I paused and Cadmael waited for the rest, bending closer to me every second.

"I just have one question."

I had to push it out but it was so hard to ask that I needed to calm down first.

"Cadmael... Do you really love me? Or was it a lie too?"

Cadmael jumped up:

"It wasn't! I never lied about my feelings, I swear!"

He opened his mouth but closed it back immediately, panicked.

"I know that my words don't mean anything anymore but if you don't believe me read the book."

He picked it up again and opened at chapter 5:

"The only reason I lied was because I loved you and I was scared you would leave. You are my angel, Eschyle. You always will be."

I felt tears running down my face and Cadmale raised his hands, not daring touch me:

"I believe you. I think I would believe you even if you lied. I love you so much, Cadmael. No one has ever done the hundredth of what you did for me. I know that it's selfish and I know that you are a bad person but I love you so much..."

I was crying my eyes out at this point but I loved him so much that it hurt:

"I was terrified about you getting closer to me not only because of my fear of death but mainly because I was terrified of losing you. I thought that if we stayed friends then everything would stay fine but you couldn't stop getting closer to me and now I can't imagine my life without you. I love you with all my heart, Cadmael."