[BL] I shouldn't have married the crown prince

Chapter 59

I couldn't stop blushing and Cadmael continued staring at me with a large smirk. I couldn't take it anymore and grabbed his chin to force him to turn his head away. The ministers flinched as soon as he faced them.

"You should find an empress."

Cadmael took this better than I would have thought. He thought about it for a second before smiling. Was this a good sign? He wouldn't let go so easily.

"Why not? Make a list of all potential candidates and then I'll decide."

The ministers didn't dare relax, feeling that something would happen too. Despite our fears, Cadmael calmed down for a few days as the ministers worked on the list. We became a little bit less sticky while still insisting on feeding me and now that he did the same thing but a little less I felt comfortable. As soon as I realized that I froze. I got completely used to him touching me and didn't mind anymore. Was this good or bad?

I didn't have time to figure it out because as soon as I realized how used to him I was, I couldn't seem to fall asleep without him. While I was sick, Cadmael used to sit next to me all night long, not budging from that chair no matter how much I begged. I didn't have any problem sleeping during that time and didn't have any nightmares either. However, now that I started sleeping alone again, the same problems as before surfaced. I woke up in cold sweats and couldn't fall back to sleep terrified by what I saw.

I tried to sleep for a few days but was really tired at the end and couldn't take it anymore. I took my pillow and went to Cadmael's room. As usual, there was no one in front of his door and as soon as I arrived, Cadmael opened the door hastily. I was really uncomfortable and hugged my pillow, my cheeks red.

"Eschyle? What's wrong? Are you hurt somewhere?"

I shook my head, lacking the strength to look at him. What was I thinking coming here? I knew that Cadmael liked me and I still wanted to sleep in his bed. But I was really sleepy and he was my friend. Wasn't a friend supposed to help? I really wanted to run away. Who was I to ask for help? I never used to and didn't know how to do it.

I was ready to turn away when Cadmael gently grabbed my wrist:

"Do you want to sleep here?"

I thought about it for a second. He was the one offering. I couldn't say no. I didn't see his face but slowly nodded. Cadmael carried me to the bed and placed me on it carefully.

"Do you have a favorite side?"

I shook my head, my eyes fixated on the pillow. Cadmael noticed it too and laughed:

"What are you? A child? Why would you bring your pillow?"

I blushed immediately. I was sleep deprived! I didn't think this through and acted on a wim. I hid my face in the pillow and told him to go to sleep. Cadmael laughed once more before turning the lights off. After a few seconds I decided to say something too uncomfortable to fall asleep:

"You should have guards at your door. It's dangerous."

Cadmael scoffed:

"Are you worried about me?

-Of course, you are my friend.

-Your friend? I wish you would see me as more than that."

I instantly froze:

"D-don't s-say such things! Go to s-sleep."

I heard him laugh and even felt the bed shake a bit:

"You are so cute when you are all flustered.

-A-am not!

-I know, I know. Guess I'll just wait a bit more. At the beginning you didn't even see me as a friend."

I didn't reply. I couldn't really deny it. At the beginning I saw Cadmael as my future death. Quite terrifying. You don't want to sleep next to your murderer. At least I didn't.

"Why were you so scared of me back then?

-I wasn't scared...

-You ran away as soon as you saw me.

-I...

-Was it written?"

I froze for the hundredth time. What was I doing? I shouldn't freeze. I should deny it quickly! I didn't dare turn around but surprisingly, Cadmael didn't ask anymore.

"Did you have nightmares again?

-Yes...

-What did you dream about?"

I didn't want to think about it. Cadmael understood and didn't pry. I felt him creep closer to my back and suddenly felt his head against my back. It was nice.

"I'll kill all your nightmares."

This sounded terrifying. Especially when I knew what Cadmael was capable of. I wasn't dumb. I didn't know what he was like at the beginning but I saw his gaze and I heard about the way he got the throne. He was a tyrant. Despite this, I didn't feel in danger at all. Why did my heart relax? I shouldn't feel so safe next to him. I should run away. That's what I thought but my eyes shut and I fell asleep.

The next day the list was ready for Cadmael. I was studying next to him but couldn't help my curiosity and looked at a few empress candidates myself. For some reason I became quite critical and wasn't satisfied with anyone. There wasn't anything bad with these women. They were all gorgeous and seemed really interesting. But the protagonist deserved the best of the best and none of them were really screaming female lead.

Cadmael suddenly stopped looking at the list and wrote something that he handed to the ministers. They didn't really have any reaction and I straightened my neck to see what he wrote but couldn't see anything. Who did he choose? I was really curious.

Cadmael saw me all excited and smiled.

"Do you wish to know whom I chose as the next empress?"

I nodded quickly. Please tell me now! For some reason I couldn't sit back and really needed to see. Cadmael laughed before taking the paper back and handing it to me. There was only one name on the list and when I saw it my jaw fell. Why was my name on this piece of paper? I read it three times to make sure while everyone was staring at me in silence.

"I-I t-think you made a mistake..."

Cadmael hummed:

"A mistake?"

He took the paper back.

"I don't see any.

-But... I wasn't a candidate.

-You were."

One of the ministers handed me a paper with my face and name on it. It also contained all of my information just like for every other candidate.

"See? You won fair and scare."

I shook my head.

"I'm not a princess from another country.

-You are a Duke's son. That's more than enough to be an empress. You could call yourself an emperor too but I would prefer you being my empress."

I really didn't want to have this conversation in front of everyone. Cadmael finally took pity on me and gestured to the others to leave. They did as quickly as possible. They should have been uncomfortable too.

"I can't be the empress.

-Why not?

-I don't know what an empress does.

-You are the smartest of our generation. You'll figure it out. And if you don't want to do it then you'll just have to sit there and I'll do all the work.

-But... Didn't you say you didn't want a marriage of convenience.

-That's why I'm doing my best to seduce you."

I was speechless. I really didn't have anything to say but I couldn't be the empress. I didn't love him but for some reason couldn't tell him. He would be so sad if I did. I didn't know what to do. In the original book Cadmael only wanted Diana as his empress. If he liked me then it would make sense why he wanted me. However, the empress died before he could ascend the throne. Now Cadmael was emperor but what would happen to the empress?