I'm more than just the second wife

43

"Do you hear that ladies." Fezeka asked cupping her ear. "What?" Sizo asked. "I don't hear anything." Thobeka said. "Exactly!" Amy squealed. "Silence. No bargaining with terrorists and men babies." Fezeka giggled gleefully. We were sitting out in Amy's ginormous backyard having a picnic. Cheeseboards and wine galore. We'd day drink on a Sunday and bask in the sun whilst the men watched their children and be the ones driven mad for a change. After the chaotic weekend we had last week it was necessary and we exchanged the spa date for this

After all the Silly banter and we'd fallen into comfortable silence Zandi spoke. "Why didn't you tell us Zonke?" Her voice thick with emotion. Being surrounded by them gave me strength. I didn't dread this conversation as much as I thought I would. "Yanda and I spoke about starting a family and we had the means so we soon started with the necessary preparations for the IVF procedure. It was hard but I was persistent. The first time I didn't take it to heart it's very common, it happened again and that just made me more persistent and then the last time I just lost it. I didn't want to talk about it, I didn't want comfort. I just wanted to be in a state where nothing was perturbed. Where I answered to know one, no responsibilities because I felt I was drowning  in a world where I wasn't woman enough to bare my own children and everything I felt I deserved I had to fight for with sheer Will and I was exhausted so so tired so before I sort to drastic measures I just went home. No one and nothing else could heal me but my parent's embrace as so I did just that without consideration of much else.

Everyone was sitting around me and listening and I felt their empathy radiate through our circle. I was safe, I was loved even when I chose not to lean on them I never doubted their presence and support. "Do you ever want to try again?" Manga asked. They were all silent as they waited for my response. Would I ? Would I go through it all again even though it might not succeed. I nodded slowly and then with conviction the more I mulled over it. "Have you ever thought of surrogacy?" Sizo asked. "No and I don't think I would consider it. I want the whole experience, to watch my body swell to accommodate the life growing inside of me, the nausea and vomiting, the discomfort as it grows bigger." I don't think I could better explain my desperation to my cousins and friend. It'd fulfil a part of me I just know it. I love my children and nothing and no one could ever replace them but even they too can't fill this void of yearning.

"Okay let's go" Amy said getting up. "Where are we going? And we've been drinking."
"I haven't." Zikhona said but my friend was in no position to drive either. She was a week overdue. We expected that baby to pop out of her any day now. She stubbornly decided to come out with us today although she shouldn't. "Okay I arranged an Uber X. That should do." Amy said. "Alright thanks but that still doesn't answer the question." Sizo argued. We all looked to Amy to answer. " You'll see." Was all she said. We all helped Zikhona up and gathered our purses the food and alcohol forgotten. " He's 5 minutes away.

We all blindly followed Amy and piled into the car and fell back into conversation the confusion and curiosity momentarily cast aside.

I was now lying on a bed in Amy's cousin's practice room. He's a gynaecologist. They all stood around the room silently watching him work. He asked questions here and there after I told him the full rundown of my story but mostly studied the pictures of my uterus from his computer. A monitor showed us all my reproductive organs whilst he measured and scribbled on his computer screen from his desk. It was all elaborate gadgets and gismos. He, Henry only worked until midday on a Sunday but Amy apparently bribed him somehow. I didn't ask for the nitty gritty details.

His frown only grew as he moved the ultrasound wand over my belly. "There's our problem." That certainly did not look normal. "What is it?" Thobeka asked breaking the tense silence that had previously encompassed the room. Henry looked at me and I nodded. He grabbed a uterus/cervix model and faced everyone in the room. "The uterus cervix is supposed to be situated this way or that." He moved the model around "but hers is too tilted because one of her ligaments isn't taut the way it should be which results in the miscarriages because it tricks the body into thinking it's ready for labour."