✓ IF YOU STAY | HEESEUNG

11 - If The World Was Ending

Heeseung didn't know how Rose was so familiar to him, or why it felt less like he was getting to know her and more as though he was remembering who she was. How every smile, every whisper brought him closer to the impossible conclusion that he had known her before, he had her loved you before.

In another time, a different place, some other existence.

She was sitting in front of him while her grandmother served them dinner, and his gaze couldn't leave her. Now that she was there with him, he realized that he was longing for her all this time. 

However, the thought of meeting her at the wrong time haunted him. He didn't want her to hurt because of him, but he knew it couldn't be helped. At some point, the world would be cruel to the two of them.

But for now, he'd just enjoy the feeling he gets whenever he's close to her. The way he doesn't know where he ends and she begins, and the way she makes him feel that it will be alright even though he knows nothing will. 

Because after all, the more he ran away, the more he found himself coming back to her.

"Make yourself at home." Rose's grandmother smiled softly and it felt like a warm blanket wrapped around him. "I made this to celebrate the successful exhibition."

Rose's eyes brightened when she saw the tteokguk her grandmother made and she smiled happily at her. "I love you, grandma. You're the best."

"I'm so proud of you, my dear." She smiled and looked back at Heeseung. "I hope you like it too."

"Yes, thank you. It's been a while since I ate a homemade meal, I'm sure I'll love it." His words made her frown, her eyes filled with worry. "Oh, I live alone and... I'm not that good of a cook."

"You should come by often, then. I'll make food for you too." The motherly look she had on her face was enough to make a grown man cry, and Heeseung's heart was filled with warmth. 

"I... appreciate it. Really." 

"You should totally come often, everything she makes is amazing." Rose smiled, holding her chopsticks as she pointed at the rice cake soup. "You'll start craving it once you taste it."

"I'll let you two eat then. I already had dinner so I'll just rest a little." Her grandmother said as she excused herself and walked into her room. And they were left alone, together.

Heeseung held his chopsticks and glanced at Rose, waiting for her to eat first. She smiled, realizing that he was always a well-mannered gentleman. "Thank you for the food." He slightly bowed before he started eating too. 

It felt like he was home. The smell of the homemade food, the warmth of the grandmother's smile, Rose eating with him... it was so different than him eating instant noodles alone in his studio.

"Your grandmother is so nice." He muttered, glancing at Rose who seemed to be enjoying herself. "Her smile is heartwarming." 

"Yes... she has so much love to give. I wasn't very close to her back when I was a child, but after my parents passed away, she's all I have left." Her smile dropped a little as she looked down. "My father's family didn't want me, you know? But she didn't abandon me."

"Do you mind if I ask what happened?" He was curious, but he also wanted her to open up to him at her own pace. He'd regret it if he made her talk about something that left a deep wound in her life.

"I was crossing the street to meet my mother on the other side, but a car was suddenly coming so fast and I just froze. I thought I was dead but when I woke up in the hospital, I was told that my mother was dead and that I'd have to live the rest of my life sitting in a wheelchair. Apparently, she pushed me away from the road and got hit instead, and when I fell, I hurt my spine and... yeah."

"Oh."

"My father," She started, a bitter smile appearing on her face. "Well, he couldn't live without her and he hated how his world was back to black and white, so he left too. I don't hate him though, I just hate the fact that he didn't hesitate on leaving me when I needed him the most.

Heeseung's eyes were glistening and his heart was so heavy. He wanted to tell her that he was sorry but it wouldn't change anything. Those words would just remind her of how people pitied her and how miserable her life was. 

"Would you want to leave if you couldn't see colors anymore?"

His words made her stop and stare at him for a moment before she shook her head. She knew he was careful with his words, but she understood clearly what he meant. And the thought made her heart feel heavy.

"Going back to a world of black and white would be so hard now that I'm used to all these colors, but I would never think about leaving it." She smiled a little as she stared at him with sad eyes. "Although I know living in black and white would be fine if you're here."

His eyes softened, but somehow they still held some sadness and pain that Rose couldn't really read. "Yeah." 

How could he even hurt her when she smiled and stared at him like he was the most special thing that happened in her life? She didn't know anything, and perhaps it was better that way. 

They just continued eating in silence as he stole glances at her, sometimes finding her already staring at him. He was kind of a pretty man, after all.

It didn't feel weird when they finished eating and Heeseung suggested helping her, although he was a little embarrassed. Being in the same house and doing the dishes together wasn't something he thought he'd be doing soon with Rose.

In fact, he didn't think there would be a day when they get to spend time together like they were doing. He wasn't planning to stay with his soulmate even before he met her, which was frustrating him at some point. 

All his promises and plans were ruined when she looked at him with those glistening eyes the first time he met her.

"You don't have to do this," Rose muttered as she sat in her wheelchair and stared at him doing the dishes. She insisted that he was her guest but he said it was okay.

"I used to do dishes all the time back home. My father always told me that just because we're men doesn't mean we shouldn't help with these things." Heeseung smiled, making it obvious that he missed his home and family.

"He seems like a good person." Rose found herself thinking about Heeseung's life. About his family, his childhood, and his memories back in Seoul. Although it didn't seem like he wanted to, he was slowly opening up to her without even realizing it.

He reminded her of the friends she met in the park when she was a child. They played together and bonded for a few hours but she didn't know anything about them.

They weren't staying for long and she never got to meet them again.

"Shit." Heeseung's voice woke her from her trance as she looked at him, only to see blood coming out of his nose. "I-"

"Are you okay?" Her eyes widened and she rushed to grab some tissues that she handed to him. She was panicking as she stared at him put the tissues on his nose and leaned forward.

"Don't worry. I'm okay." He turned to the side and blew gently. 

"This isn't the first time you get a nosebleed, right? The other day you had blood on your-"

"Rose, I'm okay. I'm just a little tired, it's not serious." He said and she gulped. It may have sounded like he was telling her not to worry, but he was also telling her to stop talking about it.

"Oh, okay. I think you should spend the night here." It wasn't until she saw his slightly wide eyes that she realized what she said. "I just... you went out of your way and walked me home so I just-"

"Would it be okay?" His words took her off guard.

"I mean, yeah, it's... okay."

He wasn't going to sleep that night, all he wanted was to spend more time by her side. Most of the time he had.

It was going to be a hard journey for the two of them. A little harder for Rose, but Heeseung would have taken away all the pain if he could.