✓ IF YOU STAY | HEESEUNG

44 - If It Happens Again

Y/N felt like she was standing at a crossroads, unsure of which path to take. She turned back to see Heeseung, who had approached silently, his eyes reflecting concern. "Is everything alright?" The words hesitantly slipped out of his lips and she knew she messed up. Damn it, she knew she had hurt him, and the guilt weighed heavily on her chest.

"I'm sorry, Heeseung, I didn't mean to blindside you like that," Her head was down low and she was holding the sides of her black dress, the fabric twisting between her fingers nervously. "I just..."

"Come here," Heeseung held her hand and guided her out of the restaurant where they could talk in a quieter and more private space. Behind the place was a small alley and Heeseung led Y/N there, away from the prying eyes and the din of the city. There was a silence that hung in the air as they found a secluded spot. The distant hum of the city seemed to fade, leaving only the soft rustling of leaves and the flickering light from the nearby streetlamp. Then he finally started speaking. "I've always been second to Haejun. I've seen the way you look at him, the way he occupies a part of your heart. It's not easy for me to admit, but I've noticed."

"I didn't expect to run into him tonight." She knew she had no right to argue, but she needed him to understand. "Things with Haejun are complicated, and I care about him, but being with you feels right, too. I'm just... I'm trying to figure it all out, and I never wanted to hurt you in the process-"

"I don't want you to choose me out of obligation or because it's convenient. I want to be someone you choose, not settle for!" The way he slightly raised his voice and the silence that followed both echoed in the narrow alley. He stood there, running his fingers through his hair out of frustration."I want you to choose me because you genuinely want to be with me, not because you're trying to figure out your feelings for Haejun."

Y/N knew he wasn't a placeholder, but she also knew he was right. She knew that she needed to sort out her feelings and be honest with herself and with both Heeseung and Haejun. The weight of her indecision bore heavily on her shoulders, and she took a deep breath before speaking. "I... You're not a backup plan, Heeseung. You should know more than anyone that I love you. I don't love Haejun, I just-"

"You just what? Pity him? Or maybe you don't want to hurt his feelings but is it okay to hurt mine? Is it okay to make me feel like I'm competing for your love?" His voice cracked, and his frustration turned into hurt and vulnerability. "I really thought we had something special, Y/N, but now I feel like I'm on the sidelines, waiting for you to make up your mind. I think we should take a break or stop seeing each other for a while.

His words hit Y/N like a punch to the gut. She could see the pain in his eyes, and the guilt in her chest grew heavier. She couldn't blame him. "That's..." She started but eventually choked on her own words and looked away. She didn't want to break down crying in front of him. Not this time. Not when she was the one causing the pain. "That's fine. We c-can take a break," she finally managed to say, her voice shaky. "I... I need to figure things out, and I understand if you need that too." 

Heeseung really looked like he wanted her to refuse his suggestion, to fight for what they had, but Y/N couldn't find the strength to deny him the space he needed. "I'm sorry. Take care." With that, he walked away, leaving Y/N standing there, a heavy emptiness settling in her chest. She watched him disappear from view, knowing that their relationship was now hanging by a fragile thread. 

Was the world so keen on playing with the strings of her heart? Y/N pondered as she stood alone in the alley, the echoes of Heeseung's departure reverberating in her mind. The weight of her decisions felt unbearable, and the realization that she might be losing something truly special sank in.

In the days that followed, Y/N decided to stay at her grandmother's place for some time so that she didn't have to see Heeseun every time she stepped out of her apartment and so Minjae wouldn't feel the tension between them.