✓ IF YOU STAY | HEESEUNG

13 - Die First

Harin is sitting on the couch with Rose holding her hands and staring at her with bitter yet soft eyes. Her eyes were so red and still glistening from all the crying while she looked at Rose as if the worst was to be expected.

"Do you feel better?" Rose asked, her voice mixed with sadness and worry. She glanced at Heeseung who stood at the door with his arms falling to his sides. He just stared at the two without uttering a single word, yet his heart was so full of unspoken phrases.

"Yes..." It didn't seem like it, but Rose slowly nodded. "I'm sorry, I just-"

Looking at Heeseung, she kept silent for a few seconds as if waiting for him to say something. "I'm sorry..." I'm sorry I didn't tell you I was going to break your best friend's heart.

"You ran away?" She scoffed, looking at him in disbelief. "Instead of telling her?"

"Harin, you should-"

"Calm down?" She stood up, approaching him with furrowed eyebrows and eyes filled with sadness. "When I'm worried about my friends? I don't think I can calm down, Heeseung. No."

"It's going to be okay."

"Well, it's not! You're such a selfish asshole, you know? I can't believe you're being like this when you're-"

"When I'm dying?" Rose's eyes widened while she was staring at how the tears fell down his cheeks. "Yes, I am being like this. You don't even know how it feels to know you have a soulmate who's been waiting for you her whole life but you're dying soon, you don't even know how it's tearing me apart every time I see h-her!"

Rose sat in her wheelchair, Heeseung's words feeling like knives piercing her heart. "Heeseung..." She hesitantly called, directing his attention to her. He could see the tears in her eyes, threatening to fall. "W-what?"

Harin looked back at he, feeling guilty for everything she had done. However, she didn't want Rose to get heartbroken because of Heeseung's hesitation. She knew that the truth was all better for the two of them, even if it meant having their hearts broken. But the pain would be so much less.

As Heeseung looked at her, he couldn't help but feel a sense of overwhelming guilt. He couldn't bear the thought of leaving Rose behind to pick up the pieces after he was gone. She didn't deserve to go through this pain and suffering, but he couldn't help it.

"I'm s-sorry." His lips quivered as he stared at how the tears fell down her cheeks and at how her hands trembled. 

Rose had always known that life wasn't fair. She had been confined to a wheelchair and had to face countless challenges and obstacles in her life. But when she found Heeseung, her soulmate, she felt like she had finally found a reason to keep going. 

He was the one person who had seen past her disability, who had truly understood and accepted her for who she was.

But now, as she stared at him on the verge of breaking down, she felt everything crumble down. Her hope, her love, everything she had been building for the two of them. Rose was in the pit of despair, wondering how she could go on living without him when he was the reason she felt complete.

"Why-" She started, a sob coming out from between her lips. Why? She didn't know what she wanted to ask, her mind was blank and all she could think of were the memories of when she lost both her parents.

It almost felt like she was bound to lose all the people she loved, one by one. The thought started haunting her, and a shiver ran down her spine while she gave up and cried her heart out. 

"Rose." Harin approached her while she was trying to stop her own tears. "I'm so s-sorry."

There was nothing to be sorry about, it was no one's fault. The world was so unfair to them since the moment they met, back in the hospital. And suddenly, the realization hit Rose.

The hospital, the nosebleeds, the way he was so afraid to meet her, and the way he acted as if he wasn't staying around for so long. Everything made sense and she just wanted to hug him and never let go, even when he breathes his last breath.

Rose's grandmother was watching them all along, her heart breaking at each of Rose's sobs. She knew how much love Rose had for Heeseung even way before she met him. In fact, they all did. 

Lee Heeseung was well aware of it so he decided that it would be better if he just pushed her way and made her hate him, rather than helplessly watch her break because of him. Yet he couldn't push her away, no matter how much he tried.

Not able to bear all the guilt and sadness that washed over him, he took a few steps back, his eyes still glued on Rose as she watched him leave the place with teary, red eyes. She wanted to comfort him, break the curse if she could, but she knew he needed time and she couldn't do anything to help him feel better.

After a few minutes of crying, the place was so silent. Rose sat in her wheelchair while staring at the sky from her window. It seemed almost tauntingly bright and endless, stretching on infinitely even as her own world felt like it was shrinking down to nothing. 

The news hit her like a physical blow, and now she sat staring out at the expanse of blue, trying to make sense of what was happening. The clouds drifting lazily across the sky seemed to mirror her own scattered thoughts and emotions, as she struggled to come to terms with the impending loss. 

Rose felt as though she was trapped, stuck in a moment that she couldn't escape from, watching helplessly as everything she had known and loved slipped away from her. It was hard to feel the beauty of the day with the grief that she felt, the contrast between the idyllic scene outside and the overwhelming pain in her heart almost too much to bear.

The world can feel unbearably heavy at times, and the weight of impending loss can be suffocating. They weren't given enough time and the fact that the road she could have taken along with Heeseung that could bring them to a future together was cruelly taken away from them.

They haven't even loved each other right, no. Rose wanted to hear his laughter more, enjoy the warmth she'd feel when he would hold her hand or wrap his arms around her. 

It was ironic, she wanted him to stay but that was a promise he couldn't make. The ending would always stay the same and it broke her, even more, to know that she'd have to live in a world without him.

A world of black and white wasn't scary, but the worst nightmare would be a world without Heeseung.