✓ IF YOU STAY | HEESEUNG

12 - In The Back Of My Mind

Heeseung woke up to the sound of birds chirping outside the window. The place was filled with soft natural light, and there was a sense of tranquility in the air.

He stretched and took a deep breath, feeling refreshed and at ease. Then he organized the couch and put the blanket aside along with the pillow that Rose gave him.

It was early in the morning and it was Saturday, and maybe Rose and her grandmother were still asleep. They had a long journey the previous day, after all.

He silently moved around the house, noticing the quietness and cleanliness of the space. Everything felt in its place and there was a sense of calm and comfort. His headache was gone yet the blood and the nagging pain in his nose lingered in his memories.

Silently walking out of the house, he closed the door behind him before heading to take a walk around the place. The sun was just beginning to rise as he started walking while taking in the crisp morning air. 

Heeseung had always loved taking walks, but now they held a special significance for him. As he walked, he gazed up at the sky, now a brilliant shade of orange and pink, and breathed deeply, savoring the moment. 

Despite the knowledge of what lay ahead, he felt a sense of peace as he strolled through the road, taking in the familiar sights and sounds of the world around him.

He paused to watch a pair of squirrels playing in a tree and admire a particularly beautiful garden filled with beautiful, colored flowers that reminded him of Rose. 

With each step, he embraced everything as if he was saying goodbye to the world. It was such a beautiful yet depressing feeling, and Heeseung just let out a heavy sigh while running his fingers through his hair.

He spent some time out and only decided to come back later so he could find both Rose and her grandmother awake. He couldn't help but want to spend more time with them because of how guilty he felt toward Rose. 

He knew it wasn't his fault, but he was going to hurt her eventually and there was no way he could stop it. 

"Heeseung?" The old woman's voice was heard while he waited outside the house and he turned around, staring at her with slightly wide eyes. "I thought you left."

"I tend to wake up early... I didn't want to bother you." He admitted while putting his hand on the back of his neck, feeling nervous and embarrassed.

"You're not bothering us at all, young man. Do you feel better? Rose told me about your nosebleed." She looked at him with eyes full of worry and he gulped, shaking his head and smiling a little.

"I'm fine, I was just a little tired. But now I feel very good." His words made her smile a little before she told him to come inside. "Is Rose asleep?"

"No, she's getting ready. Would you like some cof-"

"Grandma, can you get me my hair clip? It's on top of-" Rose came out of her room when her eyes went wide open at the sight of Heeseung. "Oh- good morning."

"Good morning, Rose. I... can help you." He suggested and she hesitantly nodded, letting him inside her room while he looked for the hair clip. "Oh, there it is."

"Thank you, Heeseung. Do you feel better now?" She asked, waiting for him to hand her the hair clip but he never did. Staring at her for a moment, he snapped out of his trance and approached her hesitantly.

"Can I try?" 

She looked at him in confusion for a solid minute when she realized what he was talking about. "Y-yeah."

Hesitantly and gently, he gathered her hair in his hand and helped her secure it in place with the clip. She smiled gratefully up at him, and he felt a warm flush spread through his chest. He loved her more at that moment than he ever had before. 

Back when she asked him if he couldn't love her because of her wheelchair, his heart broke. He hated himself for making her think that way when he couldn't help but admire how beautiful she is when they met at Harin's wedding.

Rose was the strongest and most beautiful person he ever knew, and he was so damn lucky to have her as his soulmate. But the time wasn't right, and they weren't supposed to meet in this universe.

"You did a pretty good job." She smiled, looking at herself in the mirror while he stood behind her, his eyes never leaving her.

"You're pretty." The warmth in his voice and the tender look on his face showed how much he truly meant it. 

Rose's cheeks flushed with a mix of embarrassment and happiness, feeling flattered and loved. She smiled shyly and glanced down, trying to hide her pleasure, but Heeseung saw it anyway and gently lifted her chin with his fingers, making her look at him. 

"I mean it," he said as his eyes softened. "So pretty."

Rose had always felt like something was missing in her life until she met him. She reached her hand t his cheek and softly caressed it with her thumb while her eyes glistened. They always did whenever she stared at anything she loved.

"Heeseung..." She called, at a loss for words. His hand rested against hers and closed his eyes, savoring the moment as if it was his last. "Thank you."

Thank you for loving me. Thank you for staying, even for a while. Thank you for finding me. Thank you for filling my world with beautiful colors and beautiful love.

He smiled knowingly before he walked behind her, pushing the wheelchair out of her room. "You must be hungry, let's have breakfast."

Rose's grandmother was staring at them from the kitchen with soft eyes and a soft smile. The two of them looked very much like soulmates and she was reminded of the old days when her soulmate was still alive.

"Let me help you." Heeseung stood next to her before he grabbed the tray with the cups of coffee and headed back towards the dining table. It seemed that he starting to feel comfortable and at ease around them, and she couldn't be happier for her granddaughter.

Time passed and Rose was outside painting while Heeseung and her grandmother sat on the bench not too far away. 

"So, you're Rose's soulmate." Heeseung was taken off guard at her words, but he nodded and let out a heavy sigh.

"I am, and I'm sorry about it." She slightly frowned and he looked back at Rose. "I'm sorry for running away that day, I'm sure she told you. I mean, that would have hurt her a lot... Harin told me about how much she was waiting for her soulmate."

"Yes, indeed. She cried for days until the two of you met again, but I don't blame you. It's quite surprising when you meet your soulmate for the first time."

"When did you meet... your soulmate?" He was hesitating on asking her but he did anyways and she smiled softly at him.

"He used to work with his father who was a tailor, and we met one day when my mother and I went to get me a dress for the town's festival. We weren't on good terms because of me accidentally spilling the tea on his books, and we very much weren't happy to know we were sticking with each other for the rest of our lives."

Heeseung listened while he stared at Rose who was busy painting, not even aware of her surrounding. She couldn't miss one beautiful scenery while the colors were there. 

"I apologized and we started enjoying each other's company until we fell in love and the rest is countless memories I always cherish." Her hand rested on his hand and he smiled. "I never regret meeting him, and I will never blame him for leaving me in a world of black and white because I loved every part of that colorful world while it lasted."

He gulped, feeling his chest ache. It was as if she knew, or as if she had a feeling of what was happening with him. But either way, her words warmed his heart and made him forgive himself even a little bit.

But before they knew it, Harin was running towards them when she stopped and panted for air. She stared at the three with teary eyes and breathed heavily before looking back at Heeseung.

"You're Rose's soulmate..." She breathed, the tears falling down her cheeks when he stood up and stared at her with wide eyes. "No... no, no, this can't be."

Rose just stared at her in confusion in worry before Harin wrapped her arms around her and cried harder as if someone had passed away. 

"Harin..."

"You don't understand, Rose... this isn't supposed to happen."