Amber

010

Once liams gone, I head to the bathroom attached to his fancy ass bedroom, wash my face away, I wash it all away and place the mask I have superglued to my face back on, making sure the gleus stronger this time, making sure the mask, the act, making sure that it won't break, as I place the perfected smile back onto my lips as I look into the mirror eyes red and puffy, but the smile so 'real' it could trick anyone, how perfect just how I like it, just how I need it, all fake, all hidden.

Once the mask is placed perfectly back on, I unlock the bathroom taking a large sigh, rushing down the stairs, smile on, mind off, soul off, emotion off, off, off, off.

I partly hear alina and liams conversation, deciding to interrupt before Liam has the chance to even merely show his beautiful, pure, unbroken, daughter how the world really treats some people, how the world, how the people treated me.

"Of course I'll come sweetie, I couldn't miss it, not for anything" Yes that does also include me, but I don't matter, I'm irrelevant, so yes I would put me behind alina, because I somewhat saw myself in her when I was younger when I was happy, when I wasn't broken.

She smiled, jumping around in excitement as she made her way over to me squeezing me tightly her small arms barely making its way around my thighs.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, your the best Amby" a quiet, fake laugh is forces out of my mouth.

"OK, I have to go lina but I'll be back soon, ok beautiful ballerina" she smiles and enthusiasticly nods her head before shouting a goodbye, as i make my way out of the door Liam stops me, ranting on about me being ok, but the world was blurry, spinning, my head pounded like a million people playing drums inside my head, I just needed to get out of here.

I just nod my head to everything he says and say I'm OK, like I do with everyone, there's no point saying no, I already knew that never worked, not with my therapists, not with my 'friends', not with my father, it never worked it just ended in worst results, so what was the point in trying in anymore.

He finally let's me go, and i head out the door, I didn't bother calling a taxi, I just walked, and walked, and walked, for what felt like hours, but my legs didn't feel sore, they just felt numb, everything felt numb.

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I make it to the house I live in, it isn't home, it never was home, It never will be home, in fact I've never know what home is, what home felt like, I really hope to get that feeling one day, but I knew there wasn't much chance of that happening.

I looked at that door, memory's already flooding back to me, as new scenarios played out in my mind of what would happen once i enter that house, that building, the home of the man that broke me, the home of my so called father.

I suck in a breath, 'suck it up amber' is what I repeat to myself I try saying it in my mind, then resorting to saying it out loud as i approach the front door, slowly opening it, entering the building, walking into my own personalised hell, to see my own personalised Satan sat on the sofa with a beer.

William Shakespeare once said 'hell is empty and all of the devils are here' I look towards my father and I realise how true that quote is, because it isn't just the man that helped make me, but there's hundreds, thousands, hell probobky even millions or more, people out there who are like him and worse.

There's people out there what do what my father do and worse, and it makes me sick to my stomach, it makes me want to sit and speak to every person who's ever gone through something like me or worse and help them all, that would be my one wish if I had a genie I would want every person who has been given a shit card in life to be helped, saved, and of course I'd free the genie to.

I slowly take my shoes off and quietly creep around my dad's half unconscious body, heading to the stairs making it to the stairs I feel a large amount of relief, a feeling that I'm safe since I made it past my father with nothing happening to me, nobody, nobody's should ever have to feel anything remotely close to that, no-one.

Once im up the stairs and in the art room I make sure I lock the door behind me and play the speakers as I continue my painting of a beautiful sunset landscape with a happy family playing and running around, I've never been so jealous of a painting in my life.

◇

Once I've finished the painting completely I head out the room, checking the hallways before leaving grabbing gin and heading out, stroking her with one hand whilst messaging Alex asking to go on a walk in the other.

He quickly responds with a yes and we decide to meet at the park pretty much much the middle of our houses.

I finally make it to the park, letting gin off with both of alex' dogs brandy and whiskey, i love how we ended up matching our dogs names with alcohol names when we both got drunk together for the first time, it was also the first night my dad sexually assaulted me.

The 'good' memory quickly switches into one of my worst and once again, he wrecks it all, that man wrecks my supposedly gold memory's.

"How are you nugget" I internely roll my eyes at the nickname he only calls me in private, but i didn't have the energy to physically roll my eyes.

"Yeh just having a, um... hard time" I plaster the fake smile on and mentally fix the mask up noticing the it slightly fell, I can't allow that, not around anyone, no matter what.

We both carry on walking the dogs watching as whiskey tries his hardest to keep up with Gin and brandy since he's only a puppy, and I find myself having a small, minor memory, but a happy one at that, so for me this was massive.

Even though it was just a normal walk through the woods, I felt happy for a moment.

As we're walking I feel a slight vibration in my pocket and pull out my phone to see a messages from... my father.

'Where an earth were you last night, I swear when you get Amber, you are in massive trouble' there was a few spelling mistakes throughout the text, I could already tell he was drunk, but I put the phone away and tried my hardest to forget about it as I walked through the woods with 4 of my closest friends, its kind of sad that 3 of them are dogs, but it's the truth I guess.

I'll have to worry about that text when I get home...

Word count: 1260- Hope you all enjoyed this chapter, I'm trying to make the chapters longer for you all. Hope you have a good week, I will be updating practically daily anyways enjoy the rest of your night my lovelys xx.