Amber

032

*TW*

*One year later*

Cecelia, Solomon and Alina all sit peacefully in the living room, Ce-Ce and solo are only 7 months old, so their playing in their new walking chairs, Ce-Ce's has little animals and Solo has dinosaurs.

Amber is still upstairs, luckily their birth went well, she decided on having a water birth, finding online it wasn't as painful, she said 'still hurt like a bitch' I couldn't help but laugh.

She's had another odd patch recently, but she said she'll live. She told me about all the messages she had been getting, I blocked the number and asked to stay with my brother for a bit, him and Alex said it was perfectly fine for us to use a guest room.

Their house is small, but cosey and has a homey feeling, never something I thought Apollo would be living in, but I'm guessing Alex picked by the looks of it.

I grab two bowls of baby food from the kitchen, feeding it to Ce-Ce and Solo, it's difficult since they only just started eating around a week ago, but I can manage on my own, I'll just ask Amber to help out once she's feeling back to normal.

Alina's birthday was yesterday, and we all spoiled her rotten, like usual, she's already six, it seems like time is flying.

"When's Amber coming down?" Alina questioned.

"I'll go check on her now." I get up from the floor, heading up the stairs taking two steps at a time. 

I open the door, Amber sat covered by the covers, in a small ball. I sit besides her, lifting the covers.

"You ok gem" She hums quietly.

"Please talk to me gem, you've been off since you had the twins, are you not happy" A tear rolls down her cheek, I wipe it off.

"I just, I can't get it out my head, I mean it's stupid right one minute I'll be happy with the twins and the next, it's all I can think about. His hands, his stupid hands, why can't I just forget it and get on with life, why does he get to be the thing that broke me, why does he get to be one to put ridiculous thoughts into my head, why does he get to be the one to make me the way I 'am." More tears stream down her face, I try my best to wipe them away but I just couldn't, I wish I could stop every tear from falling and put a real smile on her face.

"He isn't the one who made you who you are, your the reason that your sweet and kind and so caring, he didn't make you that way, you did" She hugs me tightly.

"I'm sorry" She squeezes me tightly.

"Why are you sorry?" She ignores me.

"Your an amazing dad" She gets up, and gets herself ready, finishing the conversation.

I follow her downstairs, she gets the twins ready, putting them in their strollers, and inviting Alina to go on a walk with them. She says yes and they all leave.

◇

I look through the different rings, planning out how I'll propose to Amber, I've already organised for Alina, Ce-Ce and Solo to spend the day with my mum.

I pick a small, delicate ring, a diamond in the middle, I head back to the house, parking the car in the small driveway. I keep a hold of the ring tightly, rushing into the house. 

"Gem!" No reply.

"Where's Amber" Alina shrugs continuing to play with the twins.

I head upstairs, my phone having an unread voice note, I place the ring on the side, playing the voice note from Amber.

"I did this in both a voice note and letter since I know what your like and you'll lose one or the other, but I just wanted you to know how much I love you, Ce-Ce, Solo and of course Alina and how sorry I 'am for leaving you all, I just couldn't do it anymore, he got to me, like he always wanted to, he won, but that's not the message I want to leave with you, you and our children are and always will be everything for me, you all mean so so much to me, it breaks me that I'll never see you again but what's the point of me being here if I'll be forever broken and for you to have to tirelessly try and pick me up again and again but now I have to say goodbye to you all, Alina please carry on dancing your amazing at it and are so gorgeous so Liam if you don't chase the boys away I'll haunt you, Ce-Ce and Solo please don't hate me for leaving you, your both going to be amazing and you'll make both of us proud, I'll always be watching over you and keeping an eye out for you, and Liam don't let the kids hear this but I love you so, so much but I'll forever love you and please don't let me be the one who broke you but I promise I'll always love you and I'll definitely miss seeing you on your knees, I love you all so much." And the voice note ends as it takes my heart with it. 

I break down, tears flooding down my face.

"No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I could've helped you, you could've stayed, no, no, don't leave me, please please don't leave me gem, don't leave me gem." Tears stream down my face. 

Katie: 'Liam, Amber she's been found, I'm so sorry, she didn't make it.'

And it all becomes real, I break down on the floor, the tears feel like their never ending, they just wouldn't stop. Apollo runs into the room, cradling me into his arms, I push him off of me, I try so hard to push him off me every time he tried to calm me down, but I just felt to weak, I felt completely broken.

*4 months later*

I sit on the sofa, loosening my tie from the funeral, the twins birthday was just a month ago and then her funeral, today.

Tears stream down my face, I wipe them away, cradling all three of our kids in my arms, I needed to be strong and seeing her lifeless body made it all worse, I never should of asked for that, but I just wanted to know it was her and she wasn't just taking a break, but it was her. 

My gem was gone and she wasn't coming back...

Word count-1196- I'm so sorry, and i just wanted everyone to know if anyone ever needs someone to talk to I'll always be here.

I'm so sorry to say but I have to say it...

The End.

If anyone wants bonus chapters of how Liam's life goes or how the twins or Alina get on just comment.

Also would anyone want a book for Katie and Jacob or for Alina, Cecelia or Solomon x