Better Off Alone (BOOK 1)(Wattys 2016)

Nothing Quite Like A Twin

When I return to Alise's house I find Clive in the kitchen. He's with the group Macey was with earlier and is still with. They're all laughing which causes me to pause since I still have tear-stained eyes. Clive spots me first, obviously knowing why I am on the verge of a break down.

His face transforms into a mask of anger within a split second. "Where the hell is he?! I'm going to kill him. What did he do?! Why are you crying? Did he do this?!"

I shake my head. "Clive, please. Just take me home."

Clive looks at me, his eyes seething. "Gemma, what happened?"

I shake my head again. "Clive, please, I just wanna go home." I can't cry in front of these people and I bite down on my lip, knowing that's the only way I'll hold the tears in long enough to leave Alise's house.

Clive breathes in sharply as his gaze shifts to someone behind me. I turn to see who it is:

Eddie.

He's rumpled and smiling and looks completely wasted to be honest. His brow furrows as his eyes land on me. "Gemma?" He slurs out.

I feel a shudder run through me. "Clive, please."

"Gemma, what are you doing here?" Eddie slings an arm around me, his breath warm on my neck. "You look so... so hot."

I move to push Eddie off of me, but don't get the chance because next thing I know, Clive is hurling through the kitchen and pushing Eddie to the ground. "Who the hell do you think you are!?" Clive yells as he tackles a squirming Eddie.

I look to Wesley and Peter. "Guys," I plead, "please get him off."

They both jump forward and pull Clive off of Eddie. I step in front of my brother and press my hands to the sides of his face, making him focus on me. "Clive, please... I just want to leave. We can deal with it later."

***

I don't say anything to Clive when we get in the jeep. I don't need to. Somehow he just knows what to do and where to take me.

He takes us to the beach nearest our house. We used to ride to it on our bikes when we were kids and spend hours swimming and just sitting in the sand. As we got older our mother would let us spend more time at the beach and it became a habit to just sit beneath the stars, surrounded by the sound of ocean waves and the silence of the night.

I don't realize it until we get there, but I'm crying and my face is wet with tears. I shouldn't be sad. I blame my stupid hormones for the tears.

Why am I so upset?

"Gemma," Clive is standing next to the jeep, leaning on the open door of my side of the jeep. How did I not notice him getting out of the car and crossing around?

"Clive, what's wrong with me?" A new flood of tears come over me, but I don't sob. They're silent, almost shameful, tears.

Clive's face seems to crumble as he frowns at my words. "Nothing," he says firmly, "not a thing is wrong with you. You are Gemma Leila Lawrence and you are perfect the way you are. Never let some guy convince you otherwise."

"But he's not some guy, Clive... It was Eddie."

Clive looks angry - so, so angry. "Eddie is... a bastard. Don't pay him attention, Gem."

"But he's not a... bastard and we both know it. He's our best friend. This is Eddie Knight. We've literally known him since we were kids. And then I messed things up by... sort of dating him. Don't you see how stupid I was? I'm better off alone. Why do I always think otherwise? Why do I let people convince me that I should be with someone?"

Clive frowns. "Gemma, I'm... I'm sorry it happened this way. I am. But maybe it's meant to be, yeah? I mean, you weren't happy. He wasn't happy. Some people are just better as friends, ya know?"

My voice is small when I reply. "But he didn't have to do that. He could have spoken to me. I would have understood. I would have listened."

"I know. It wasn't right. And part of me - a large part run by love for you - never wants to forgive. Never will forgive him. That part of me wants to beat him up and make him pay for what he did to you... But like you said... this is Eddie."

I wipe my eyes. "And even thought I hate him right now, I know I'll love him again someday. Someday soon. I just need to forgive him."

Clive and I stay at the beach for a while longer. We talk about other times we visited there as kids. We talk about high school. I talk about my art. He talks about his surfing.

It's moments like these where I realize there's nothing - not a thing in this world - quite as beautiful as having a twin.

~~~

A/N:
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