Better Off Alone (BOOK 1)(Wattys 2016)

Understands Me The Most

The next few days I spend every free moment at the school in the art rooms trying to find inspiration to begin the pieces I wish to submit for the Crary. But as I stare at my blank canvases, I feel nothing except emptiness. There's no spark or moment of inspiration to give me a start.

On Thursday I remember that I have to present the timeline in class with Larkin and I almost have the desire to skip school again. However, I'm reminded in the back of my mind that this is worth a test grade.

Olive and Macey walk me to class and wish me luck as I enter the room. I look over to my seat to see Larkin leaning against it with his back towards the door. I huff out a sigh and stalk over to the desk.

"Larkin." I speak his name harshly, not even remotely sorry for the way I'm treating him. I mean the audacity for him to even think that I wanted him to chase me! Such nerve!

"Oh, I thought you might skip and leave me in a lurch." His eyes aren't amused and his jaw is tight, presumably in irritation.

I roll my eyes. "I wouldn't want you to have to chase after me in order to get this done." I reply, trying to fill my voice with as much sarcasm as possible.

Larkin's eyes flash with something and I see the muscle in his jaw begin to work as he tries to remain an exterior of calm, cool and collected. "Don't be an ass, Gemma."

I bark out a laugh. "I'm the ass? From what I hear you're the one using girls all over the school."

Ms. Smith calls the class's attention to the front and I sigh in relief as Larkin takes his seat, not responding to my comment. I don't like being mean, but something about all of this with Larkin rubs me the wrong way.

"All right, class. I'm going to draw names to see who goes first. Remember, if anyone is caught talking during the presentations they will lose points off their grade." Ms. Smith draws the names of the first pair and I sit through a boring presentation done by two people who have probably never even heard of the books on their timeline.

Three pairs go by and then, it's us.

We do just fine presenting our timeline and I'm actually surprised at how we're able to work together without any bumps in the road. We both give input on each of the pieces of literature. When we reach a memoir or a classic, a certain passion joins the tones in my voice and the same happens when Larkin is allowed to talk about works of mythology and other mythical works.

I'm reminded of the day we actually worked on the presentation at my house. We talked for hours about certain characters in our favorite books and quotes by our favorite authors. It was because of those hours spent together that I let him kiss me.

It was because of those same hours spent with him that I was so hurt by his disregard to the kiss.

I did judge Larkin harshly at first and I should have listened to the old saying of 'not judging books by covers'. But even when I did crack open Larkin and begin reading his pages I shouldn't have stopped using judgment.

After all, you don't know a person until you read the last page. And Larkin's last page is full of other girls who are more than willing to chase him to the edges of the earth than I ever would be.

***

Another art class goes by without inspiration. This time I sit, staring at the canvas and thinking about nothing really. Every once in a while an aspect of Larkin flashes through my mind: his long fingers as he fiddles with something to keep him busy, his piercing blue eyes, his teeth biting down on his lip ring.

I push each thought out of my mind, knowing he's not a welcome distraction. What's done is done, concerning the entire matter with Larkin Knight.

In the last fifteen minutes of class Laurene comes to stand next to me. "No luck, hon?"

I shake my head. "No, I don't have any inspiration. I can't seem to focus."

"Your head's elsewhere? Does this have to do with that boy, Larkin?" She arches an eyebrow knowingly.

I shrug. "Sort of. I mean, I'm infuriated by what he did. It hurt me and yet, I know he's not sorry. At the same time, I do like him. I think we could have been friends had we not had a history to begin with. And then with the Crary... I'm so intimidated that it's hard to not let my mind wander so that I can be distracted from the challenge."

Laurene laughs, her eyes crinkling some. "Gemma, don't worry. I know the art will come. You have to be patient. As for Larkin, why can't he be your friend? I always hate it when young people don't befriend the opposite sex based on hormones and ridiculous notions of their pasts."

I roll my eyes, smiling at Laurene. "It's not that... I just... I told him to leave me alone. And now, after being with him last period I kind of think I want to be his friend. I don't know. I'm so confused, Laur."

"Have you talked with Clive? I know you two are close and sometimes he helps."

I shrug. "Not really. He's been busy working at the shop. I suppose I could go down there with him tonight and talk to him before heading to the library."

Laurene smiles. "Talk to him, hon. Clive loves you more than anyone. He understands you the most and he can help you. Just talk to him."

~~~

A/N:

I wish I had a twin like Clive tbh

Love always, Samantha <3