Better Off Alone (BOOK 1)(Wattys 2016)

I'm Not Sure I Could Live Otherwise

The next morning I arrive to school late because I blew a fuse in my bathroom while using my hair dryer. This means my hair is still damp, my makeup is half-heartedly put on and my clothes are all crooked and rumpled. I'm convinced the day is going to be completely, utterly terrible.

Until...

I open my locker and numerous bags of peach rings fall out. Nearly everyone else is already in opening so luckily no one is there to see me in my embarrassing state. I quickly stuff them back in my locker, which is when I find the small note, taped to an actual peach, resting in the top on the shel. It reads: "Because you're my peach".

I quickly close my locker and lock it again before joining the others in opening. As I slide in next to Macey and Olive I catch my breath and ask, "Which one of you needs something from me?"

Olive gives me a blank stare. "What are you talking about, Gemma?"

I roll my eyes. "Which one of you is trying to bribe me with all the peach rings? You must have emptied the stock at Wal-Mart so it's clearly important."

Macey smirks. "Is that why Larkin had me give him your locker combination this morning?"

I'm not sure if I should smile or laugh or blush or what. Instead I find myself looking around the auditorium like a madwoman, trying to find Larkin. Sure enough, he's to my right down the row a ways, eating... a peach ring and smirking at me.

My cheeks heat with a blush and I wrinkle my nose at him. "You?" I mouth and he only shrugs, still smirking.

I try to catch Larkin on the way out of the auditorium, but no such luck. Macey and Olive follow me to my locker and I open it, showing them all the peach rings.

Macey rolls her eyes. "It's kind of cheesy."

"I think it's sweet." Olive says, opening a bag of peach rings and helping herself.

I shrug. "I think it's both."

"So does this mean you're going to let him date you?" Macey asks, reaching into the bag Olive's holding.

I frown. "No, this doesn't really change much. I still need proof."

Macey gives me a look. "Will that happen if you don't even give him a chance? Honestly, Gemma, you'll never know unless you try."

I consider this and even before the thought has gone through my mind entirely I know Macey has a point. I do need to give Larkin a chance and I need to trust him. Love is vulnerable, but it's also built on trust.

I smile at her. "But I wouldn't want to let him give up on trying to win me over, now would I?"

Olive and Macey smile. "Never, would we want that. Oh! I should tell him you like chocolate covered strawberries."

"And Reese's spread! I could eat twenty jars of that." Olive pipes in.

"Guys." I roll my eyes. "Please, don't push him too far. I just want to see where he's taking this."

***

By seventh period English I have received three more gifts: a single Gerber daisy (my favorite - I only mentioned it in passing to him once about a month ago), a vinyl record of jazz music(which I mentioned was a guilty pleasure when listening to vinyl - anything sounds ten times better on a record, or almost anything) and a small leather journal. With each one was a little note that was kind of cheesy, but mostly cute. I was a little confused at the sight of the journal, but then I opened it.

Inside were numerous pages of words written down for me. Sometimes they were stories of his childhood or sometimes they were little poems for me. All of them were sincere though. And I remember how he is an artist of words. Larkin is a writer, I realize, and a pretty damn good one at that. How come I never knew that he loved to write?

At the end of the journal is a small line of words, but it's most important, I think: Gem, this is my heart written out for you - I'm not holding back anything anymore.

I walk into English and he's already there, waiting for me by my desk. I walk over to him and he watches me, unwavering in his gaze and smile. I sit down and let out a small laugh, knowing he truly has won me over.

"Gem?"

"Yes, Larkin?"

He looks at me, his piercing blue eyes softening me all the more. "Will you be with me? Will you trust me and know that I'm not kidding or that I'm not going to just leave you?"

I feel my face stretching from the smile I wear. "Yes, Larkin. I'd love nothing but that."

And suddenly, we don't care about who is there or who is watching us or who is breathing besides us. We are there and we are together and the look in his eyes could make me do anything in that moment. I kiss him before he has the chance to lean forward and kiss me.

It's Something and I can't help but kiss him harder as my heart beats and my breath quickens. Larkin is mine and I am his gem. I'm not sure why I kept it from being this way for so long.

"Ahem."

We snap apart to see the entire class watching us and Ms. Smith scowling, her arms crossed. My face reddens and I move back to me seat. "Sorry, Ms. Smith. It won't happen again."

"Around you, at least" Larkin mumbles and I stifle a smile.

Ms. Smith arches an eyebrow. "Please, make sure you leave it to other places, thank you."

I glance back at Larkin and when I see the smile on his face, I can't help beaming back. Clive was right.

I'd rather be happy and in love with Larkin for a short while, even if I lost it, than to be just okay for my whole life.

I'm not sure I could live otherwise.