Better Off Alone (BOOK 1)(Wattys 2016)

My Perfect World

"Larkin?" I pull my dress up over me and try to walk over to him, but I'm so wasted I really can't walk, not even an inch. I stumble and reach out for Larkin, but he doesn't catch me.

He's frozen.

I try to take in his features; I try to read him, but everything is too blurry. Larkin begins shaking his head and I am able to make my way to him. "Lark, what are you doing here?"

Larkin lets out a hollow, mirthless laugh. "Oh? I don't know, I thought I would be able to see my girlfriend. I wanted to surprise her, but I can't seem to find her. After all, my girlfriend wouldn't be in a bed with another guy getting ready to -"

"Larkin, where have you been?" I can feel my bones becoming stiff as my mind sobers up little by little. The reality of the situation is becoming apparent and I don't think it's all that great. "Don't you realize I've been worried sick for days and this is the first time I've even left the house?! Not a single world has come from you! How do I even know you weren't with some other girl?!"

Once the words have left my mouth I instantly regret them. I can't believe I've accused him of cheating as I stand next to another guy, on the verge of being half naked and ready to give it all to him. Larkin, who has tried and tried and tried and convinced me countless times that he does truly love me and that there isn't another girl. I have accused him. I know damn well that he loves me.

"Gemma, I..." He looks terribly angry and sad all at once. Larkin reaches out and pulls me towards the hallway. He pulls me through the rooms until we've made it to what seems to be a laundry room. It's warm in here and I begin to feel heat work through me, making me less tense.

My voice is frail, embarrassed and most of all, it is vulnerable. "Larkin... Where were you?"

"I was in Florida, Gemma. With my family. My parents' divorce has been made final and my mom asked me to come see her before she moved to Canada to live with my aunt. I didn't think I had to explain everything to you. I thought you would just understand." Larkin's voice is many things, but the thing that surprises me most is embarrassment. He is hurt; he is tired; he is angry, but he is embarrassed too.

"Lark," I shake my head, "how come you never mentioned your parents were getting a divorce? Don't you think that's something you should have told me?"

He shakes his head. "I've thought of telling you numerous times, but it always seems too awkward. I don't want you to know everything, but I'll tell you so that you know I'm not lying... My dad was cheating on my mom for years and no one even knew. I sometimes wondered why he was always gone on business trips, but I was too naïve I guess. This past summer my dad told my mom all about his... flings and he filed for a divorce. That is when I started seeing a lot of girls for only one night stands. I was angry at my dad, but I was angry at my mom too. That's when they decided to send me away during the divorce. That's why I was at Eddie's for this year. I'm more than glad that they sent me here of all places, if only for the chance that I got to see you again and actually get to know you, to love you."

I move to brush the hair out of my face and find my cheeks wet with tears. I am a terrible person. To even doubt him for a moment - to go and give myself in a stupid fling to another guy, how could I? "Larkin, about what you just saw..."

Anger and hurt simmer to the surface of his eyes. "Gemma, I... I don't think we can keep dating. Not now, not after what just happened."

Shock drips down my spine, icy and cold. "What?"

"I can't date you. I'm sorry." Are Larkin's eyes actually glistening with tears? Or are mine just making everything misty?

"Larkin, you love me so why are you saying this? I love you. I need you, Lark."

He shakes his head, looking away from me. "Why did you stay away from me for so long, Gemma? Remind me what one of the big reasons was."

I stayed away because I didn't think Larkin was done with other girls.

Shit. Shit. Shit.

"Larkin, I'm drunk. Or I was. Please don't leave me." I try to plead with him, but he's already moving to leave me.

He looks at me once more, his eyes painstakingly beautiful as ever. "I'm sorry, Gemma."

And he's going. He's going. And he's gone.

What have I done to my perfect world?

~~~

A/N:
l

I was thinking about it and if you wanna follow me on Instagram my user will be at the end! I'll definitely follow back! :)

I'd love to connect with you and talk about the story or anything!

Love always, Samantha

Instagram: @ordinary_sam