Better Off Alone (BOOK 1)(Wattys 2016)

Beneath the Stars

Larkin's eyes meet mine and I feel my lips force into a smile, but inside I'm panicking.

I like Larkin Knight. I like him. I like his piercing blue eyes. I like his snarky attitude. I like his torn up t-shirts. I like his skinny jeans. I like his quiffed hair. I like his I-don't-give-a-shit attitude. I like the way he reads mythology. I like that he visits the library. I like that he looks at me like I'm interesting. I like how his eyes light up when he laughs.

I like Larkin Knight.

Dean and I reach Zara and Larkin. I reach out for Dean's hand and lace my fingers through his. I'm surprised by how comforted I am when he gives my hand a gentle squeeze. "Hi, Larkin... Zara."

Zara smiles prettily. "Hi, Gemma. I love your dress."

"Thanks, yours is pretty too." I'm afraid to look back to Larkin. I know he's watching me and I know I like him. The two surely don't go hand in hand together.

Larkin clears his throat. "The gym looks fantastic, Gemma."

My eyes involuntarily turn to Larkin. There's no sarcasm in his voice and I know he's being sincere. After all the weeks of him teasing me about the decorations he compliments me and tells me that it's fantastic. I hate that boy so much that I think I may just start loving him.

My tongue is stuck and I try to form words. "Thanks, Larkin."

Suddenly I hear the song that's starting and even though I don't know what it is or who it's by I know I like it. Something slow and about the night. The music floods my ears and I feel my eyes flutter shut as I'm carried away by its song.

"Dean, do you mind if I dance with Gemma for a song?"

My eyes snap open. No. No, he can't dance with me because I fear if I'm in his arms for even one second I will lose him for the rest of time. Just look at what happened with Eddie. How much worse it would be with Larkin since we're even more easily triggered.

Dean smiles and squeezes my hand before letting go. "No, I don't mind. I'll just go get us some snacks for when you're done."

Larkin stands and soon, I feel his hand wrapping around mine. There isn't a spark, but there is a fire and it is rolling in my stomach making me more jumpy than a kangaroo. Larkin gives me an easy smile and I die a thousand tiny deaths, knowing that I couldn't make it through an entire song in Larkin's arms.

He leads me out onto the dance floor and we sway, letting the music guide us. There aren't any words spoken between us and I think that's why I can hear my thoughts so clearly. Over and over in my mind I can hear the doubt, the fear and the panic.

Every inch of my body is becoming tenser as the seconds tick by. With each sway to the music I am reminded of what this could lead to: heartbreak. I have to get away from him. I can't be with Larkin. I can't be with him. I like him far too much.

I pull back and see those damn eyes, watching me with something that frightens me. I fear it's Something. I shake my head, stepping away from Larkin. "I'm sorry, but I can't."

Larkin looks at me confused and I see the Something waver. "Gem?"

And that, that does it. Gem. A simple word that sends me spiraling into I don't know what. I turn and I run and I don't look back and I don't slow down. I run and I run and I run until finally I'm no longer beneath the lanterns and I'm no longer in Larkin's warm arms.

I am beneath the stars and I am cold.
Most importantly, I am alone.