Better Off Alone (BOOK 1)(Wattys 2016)

A Needling Irksome Sensation

The weeks pass and soon October is upon us. No progress has come my way, concerning the art competition, but I'm not worried about it yet. The deadline is in March and I've got time still. Laurene tells me that it'll come in its own time and I believe her. After all, the piece of Olive reworked itself and came within just a few hours.

Larkin and I spend even more time together. He'll often sit with me in the art rooms, trying to help me figure out what to paint, but to no avail. I've come to tolerate his attitude towards girls, at least, that's what he thinks. Inside I secretly hate him for it, but that hate is overwhelmed by that little fragment of Something which still hovers in my heart, uncertain of its meaning. I'm not sure if he knows that I will always carry a feeling of Something for him, but I know it's better kept hidden.

I think if I learned anything from dating Eddie it was that I don't want to risk another friendship for even love. Love is valuable and precious, but it is easily broken when replacing something already fragile. I value what I have with Larkin and I'll be content with what I can get. That's not to say I'm taking dating off the table. In fact, I think I'm more open to it than I was when I broke up with Eddie. I realize now that being better off alone might not be the best, but better off dating people I don't mind losing is better. If that makes sense.

I guess, what I've learned to realize is that I don't want to date friends. I want to date boys that are just that: boys. I want to find someone and meet them and have them learn who I am by falling in love with me and I want to be able to leave them, no strings attached.

Friendships are much too fragile to chuck into dating territory.

As for Eddie, he and I have spoken on a few occasions since the whole ordeal and I'm slowly growing to trust him. Clive, however, is adamant that what he did was abhorrent and never to be mentioned, or forgiven.

Clive works endlessly on his surfing. I fear he's overworking himself, but I don't say anything to anyone, not even Larkin. I promised Clive I'd keep his secret and so I will.

It's some Monday morning in the middle of the month when Macey meets Olive and me before assembly, a huge grin on her face. She claps her hands excitedly as she nears us and practically beams.

"What's with you?" I ask.

Her smile doesn't even waver. "You'll never guess the theme of the fall dance!"

I roll my eyes. "Um, isn't it the same every year? Isn't it a Halloween theme?"

Macey shakes her head. "It's Masquerade Ball!"

Olive squeals and I actually muster a smile. I've always wanted to go to a masquerade. "How do you know?" Olive asks.

Macey's grin, if possible, becomes even bigger. "I'm the president of the planning committee!"

I smile for her, but inside I'm realizing what this means: I have to help. I know it. I know she'll ask me to do artsy stuff. She always does when she's on a committee. Just give her, three, two, -

"And, Gemma, babe, can you help with decorating and designing?"

I smile, more for the fact that I knew she would ask, than for the fact that I'll help. "Sure, Mace, anything to help."

***

The next couple weeks are filled with preparations for the dance. I am in a constant state of making sure my designs are put into proper use. Larkin helps, but he's always teasing me for how serious I'm taking the jobs I have. He says it's all ridiculous and that it'll be torn down the next day anyway, so what's it matter? I know that's true, but I can't help but imagine that this dance will be perfect.

It becomes ten times better when Dean Levy asks me to go with him to the dance. I instantly become one hundred percent more excited. Dean is a boy who's practically perfect in every way. He's kind, he's charming, he's athletic and he is friends with almost everyone - even the kids who seem all alone in this high school. I have a brief moment where I wonder if he's asking me on a pity-date but then Macey does some asking around and confirms that he does indeed want to go with me.

Dean starts to walk with me to classes and one day Larkin spots him taking me to English. I slide into my seat and the questions come hurling from him. "Who's that boy? Why's he walking you to class? Did you... get a boyfriend?"

I roll my eyes. "It's Dean Levy and he's not my boyfriend. He's taking me to the dance."

Larkin's eyebrows scrunch together and his voice becomes snappish. "What?"

I look at him, eyes wide in an are-you-serious kind of way. "The Masquerade Ball. He asked me and I told him I'd love to go with him."

Larkin shakes his head, obviously confused. "But, I thought... what..."

"What?"

"I just assumed we would go together." He bites down on his lip ring.

"Oh." Did he really? I mean, I'm not sure if I should be offended or feel sorry. "First off, I didn't even think you were interested in going. You're always making fun of it."

He made a face. "That's because it's ridiculous, but... we could still have fun."

I nod. "And we will. But you just won't be my date."

Larkin seems to grow a little upset, his jaw clenches and his fingers twitch a little, as if wanting to form fists. "Why can't you just cancel with Dave?"

"Because Dean," I say his name pointedly, "asked me and it would be rude to cancel on him. Surely you understand."

Larkin tilts his head. "No, I don't understand."

"Larkin -"

"Forget it, Gemma."

Ms. Smith calls us to the front and begins class and I'm left wondering just what the hell is going on with Larkin. As soon as class is over though, he rushes out of the room and catches up with another girl. I notice its Zara.

I feel my insides shut down as they talk for a brief moment and I wait, watching them. Zara nods, giggling obnoxiously and then Larkin gives her a kiss - light and sweet and right upon her lips. I remember our kiss, how my mind was filled with everything and nothing all at once. Is that what Zara feels? Or does she feel only the nothing?

Larkin moves back to my side as Zara walks away and I give him a funny, questioning look. "What was that about? Ask her to be your girlfriend? Oh, right, you don't do girlfriends."

Larkin glares at me and I almost flinch when I realize my comment actually bothered him. "Gemma, please don't start."

"Well? What did you talk to her about?" My curiosity is immense.

He shrugs. "I just asked her to the dance."

My mind becomes filled with a needling, irksome sensation and I shake it away, trying to not let my emotions show on my face. "That's lovely."

Larkin arches an eyebrow and I look away, not able to lie to him while he's looking at me with those eyes.

~~~

A/N:

On the side is a picture of Logan Lerman as Dean Levy...

Please vote and comment if you liked it.

Love always, Samantha <3