Better Off Alone (BOOK 1)(Wattys 2016)

Reckless Insane Beautiful Things

The room is filling with applause and I am overwhelmed with handshakes and hugs and kisses on my cheek as people congratulate me on a job well done. Maverick, Anne and Andrew all shake my hand and give me the small abstract statue, declaring me the winner of the competition.

I can't believe I won.

Clive comes up to me hugging me and spinning me around. "I knew you could do it! I'm so proud of you, Gemmie!"

I laugh, exhilarated beyond measure. "Thanks, Clive."

My parents hug me and so do Olive, Macey, Dean and Eddie. When Eddie comes to me my eyes meet his and I know my face is full of questions as to whether or not he tried to get Larkin to come. Eddie shakes his head and lowers his voice. "I tried, Gemma, I really did, but he refused to come."

I smile, but it's one of sadness. "Thanks anyway, Eddie."

Maverick calls attention to the opening of the gallery and the doors open, revealing art pieces mounted on wide white walls. My pieces can't be seen, but I know they're in there, in the winner's room. "Ladies and Gentlemen, please feast your eyes on the Inspiration of California."

Everyone glides in, ready to enjoy this rare viewing of the best art in California, but I can't seem to move myself in there. My family and friends keep moving, but I stay behind. Clive gives me a look and asks me if I want company, but I tell them I only need a moment to let it all sink in.

I won.

So why am I so... unthrilled? I should be ecstatic with the prospect that I'm going to be going to France or some exotic place to learn art, to inspire people and to pursue my passion.

But what's the point if the person I love is left behind?

"Gemma?"

I freeze at the sound of my name and turn to see Laurene. She gives me a smile and hugs me, holding me tight in her arms. "Hon, I'm so proud of you."

I pull back, looking at her. "Thank you for teaching me so much, Laur. I can't tell you how much you've done for me."

She shakes her head. "Oh, Gemma, don't you realize? You've taught me so much more." She smoothes my hair and I smile, knowing that she's like a sister-mother mixture to me. "Gemma, go look at the art and enjoy it."

I shake my head. "I can't, Laur. Not until I've settled things with him."

"Larkin?" She asks and I only nod. "Find him, then. And tell him all you feel. I promise, it'll clear everything up... I know you love him, Gemma. Anyone who looks at that painting you did of him can tell that."

"I think you're right, Laur. I need to find him."

She smirks and starts back for the gallery. "I know I'm right. Now, go!"

So, I do.

I leave my own gallery showing that is revealing my award winning art. Because when you love someone, you do reckless, insane, beautiful things. Like paint them or write about them or sing them a song or travel across the country for them. Love is what inspires me more than anything.

And without it I am nothing.

***

I walk out of the Crary and look up at the night sky, pausing on my way to the jeep. The stars are a mirror above the earth - above me, reflecting the very souls of those who walk the earth. The stars, they fill the sky and the people fill the earth. It isn't a hard science, it's a simple fact: the stars of the universe are the souls of the people - alive and dead alike. It matters not if you still walk the earth, your souls lives on in the stars with the moon and the sun and all the other beauties unknown to us.

"Gem?"

I close my eyes, my breath catching. Maybe, just maybe, this can be made right. I turn and open my eyes to see Larkin standing in front of the Crary, watching me.

I don't move and neither does he. We're too immobilized by the things in between us. How can I begin to tell him how sorry I am? How much I love him? How I can't live without him? How he is my inspiration?

"Gem." He repeats my name and I know that it's no longer a question, it's a plea.

I feel my legs moving and nothing, I realize, nothing can stop me as I cross the space between me and the person I am madly, selfishly, and hopelessly in love with. Larkin's arms wrap around me and as he holds me I know that nothing could ever inspire me as much as he does.

"Larkin," I say, pulling back and looking up into his face, "I'm so sorry. I... I want you to know that we aren't like your parents. I am me and you are you. What we have can't be torn apart easily and I'm not going to let you give up before we've even had a good run at things. I want to finish this with you, Larkin. I want you to be with me and I want to love you and I want to be yours. So, please, give me another chance. Give us another chance."

Larkin smiles down at me and I feel the souls of the sky swell around us - the stars sparkling and beating as hearts of the dead and undead. And on Larkin's words are a sigh of passion, a sigh of simple relief. "Gem, I love you."

I feel a smile turn into a laugh upon my face. "I love you too, Lark."

And this time when we kiss, it isn't my Something that I feel.

It's my Everything.

***

I pull Larkin towards the gallery. "You still don't know what's happened do you?" I ask, smiling because I am giddy with love and with the pride of winning.

He smirks. "You think I would miss you winning? I was there the whole time?"

I stop walking and look up at him with shock. "You were there?"

"Of course I was. I watched you win. I was just... well concealed." He smirks again and I kiss him, a smile pressed between our lips.

"But you don't know what caused me to win." I say tauntingly.

"Oh?" He says, his eyebrows raised.

"You. You did. I painted you and I won. You inspired me, Lark." I smile, or rather, I beam up at him.

We enter the gallery, hands still entwined, and as I pass people they congratulate me more. I do notice them eyeing Larkin, realizing he's the one I painted; the person in my masterpiece. I pull Larkin through the crowd and as we pass my friends and family I see Dean start clapping and soon, everyone is joining in and clapping with him. Dean gives me a wink and I know he's clapping because I've finally gotten Larkin back, but all the strangers are clapping because I've won.

Let them think what they want. I know I've won in more than enough ways today.

I hear Larkin gasp as we come before the wall displaying my three pieces of art. On the right is Clive, on the left is Olive and in the middle is Larkin. He looks up at himself and I watch him, knowing he's far more beautiful than any painting I could ever do.

He looks down at me and smiles, leaning close. "I love you, Gemma Lawrence. And I'm not going to give up - now or ever."

How could anyone ever settle for anything less than that? How could anyone ever want to be alone when having love is so much more inspiring? Being with him, with my Lark, is far better off than being alone.

I wouldn't have it any other way.

~~~

Sadly... This means all that is left is the Epilogue.... So :,( I shall go cry a river of tears.

I have loved writing this, so thank you for the privilege. I love you and I can't let you know how much it means to me. This would be nothing without you.

Love always, Samantha <3