✅ Over Protected

11. Sarah Shares A Secret

I woke up and smiled, even before I opened my eyes. I wasn't sleeping like normal; I was lying on my back rather than on my side, but I felt so safe and comfortable. It would be a few seconds longer before I was actually awake enough to remember why. But I got a little clue when I started to turn over, and felt the bulk of the diaper holding my legs apart. It was something that I was sure should have been uncomfortable, but somehow it seemed like it was something I was supposed to be feeling. Like a shoe that fits perfectly, and you know it'll always be comfortable.

Once I opened my eyes, I realised that it was still the middle of the night. I'd woken because I needed to pee; maybe because I'd gone to sleep a little earlier than normal last night. It wouldn't have been unusual for me to lie in bed failing to get to sleep for an hour and then go to the bathroom again, but after pretending to sleep when Mum came home, I guessed that I must have fallen asleep pretty quickly. I shuffled out of bed, and squinted at my clock. Half past five. Early morning. Some people must be awake at that time, because the convenience store on the corner opened at six. But I couldn't imagine actually getting up so early. I would go to the bathroom, and then straight back to bed.

Even though there was nobody in the house except Mum and Sarah, I was still embarrassed to be seen with a diaper on. But I realised that these particular diapers had quite complex tapes, with multiple layers of sticky stuff. I wasn't quite sure why they were made like that; I didn't know anything about diapers. But I guessed it might mean that I could take one off and put it back on again, if I was careful. I tugged on the tapes, and they came off easily enough, leaving a thin strip of plastic stuck to the front of the diaper, and a part that was still sticky at the side. I left the diaper on the bed, careful not to get the tabs stuck to anything else, and put on a dressing gown so that I could go to the bathroom.

The landing was faintly lit by moonlight coming in through the window over the stairs. It was just bright enough to find my way to the bathroom without having to turn any of the lights on. I was sure that the sun must be rising outside, but it hadn't made itself felt just yet. I peed, then pulled my dressing gown tight around me as I headed back to my room.

I wasn't expecting Sarah to be coming out of her room as I stepped onto the landing, her attempts to creep furtively somewhat spoiled by her skirt bunching up enough to display her diaper. I wondered for a second if she was going to the bathroom too; if I'd woken her or something, despite trying to be really quiet. But that didn't quite add up. I could see her diaper, with the same pattern as the one that I'd left spread out on the bed in my room. But I could also see that, aside from where her skirt had snagged on the diaper tapes, she was fully dressed. She was planning to go out somewhere before Mum even woke up.

"Sarah?" I gasped, before my brain even came up with the idea of staying quiet.

"Crap," she answered. "Look, don't tell Mum I was up. I swear, she doesn't need to know about this. I'm just..."

I didn't say anything, just stood there and tried to think. I could have imagined her pretending she was just going to the bathroom, like it was completely normal. I might not have noticed the clothes in the dim light. But from the way she was begging, I was sure that whatever she'd intended to do, she was still planning on doing it. She was going somewhere, and me knowing wasn't enough of a reason to change her plans. Nor was the fact that she would have to keep her diaper on, so that Mum wouldn't realise she'd changed without permission. What could be so important?

"Look, please. I'm begging you. I just want to help..."

"Your friend needs help?" I asked. "Sylvie?"

"No. No, I'm going to see S– someone else. I'll be back in bed before my alarm goes off. Mum will never know I was up. Please, don't get involved in this. It's complicated."

"Did you know Mum's buying medicine to help her sleep? Do you know how much stress you're causing her?"

"I don't want to. And this won't hurt her, not if she's not jumping to the wrong conclusions. I can't tell her all Scott's secrets, because then she'll tell all the other mums, and everybody will know."

"You're going to see a boy?"

"No! Well, yes. But... look, you don't need to know all this."

But I didn't want Mum to worry anymore, and I knew what I had to say.

"You can tell me, or tell Mum."

And to my surprise, she told me. Why she'd been hanging out with Scott so much lately, and what the guy's big secret was. She used weird euphemisms for a lot of it, but I could understand how embarrassed she was. It was a personal thing, and hard to talk about. Especially to a little kid like me. All I knew about that stuff was what we'd been taught in school, and it was hard to imagine how it related to me or the people I knew. But I knew why Sarah and Scott were trying to keep Mum from knowing. And in a way I had to sympathise.

"Okay. I won't tell her. But..."

"I know."

"And check your skirt. I can see your diaper." I felt cruel saying that; but it was better than letting anyone else see. I imagined Sarah was blushing crimson as she ran downstairs and tried to open the door in silence. I returned to my room, and saw the dim glow from my night light illuminating the diaper spread out on the bed. It would be good for me to be a baby again, I thought. I really wanted to stop worrying about such grown-up things.

I hadn't been ready for such a big conversation, either. My mouth was still dry, probably because I'd been sleeping with my mouth open, and it wasn't normal for me to talk to anyone before getting a drink in the morning. I sat on the edge of the bed, careful not to touch my diaper, and picked up the glass of water from beside my bed. I took a sip, and discovered that it was warm. I automatically pulled a face, but swallowed anyway. It was good enough to stop my mouth feeling so dry.

A little thought revealed how that had happened; I'd wanted to put the glass somewhere that I didn't risk knocking it off, so I'd left it at the back of the nightstand. Right next to the heater, which had started up already because it was a chilly winter day. Well, I'd have to be even more careful where I put my glass. But my instinctive disgust at the taste of warm water, followed by realising that it wasn't that bad, had put odd thoughts in my mind. Naughty thoughts, that didn't even make any sense. But now that those thoughts were there, I knew my curiosity would keep me from catching up on another hour of sleep.

I had to know how it would feel. I told myself that I wanted to know how Sarah felt, waking up every morning. But I knew that really it wouldn't be the same. Her embarrassment was more than just a physical sensation. But still, I had to know.

I took the glass of water, and carefully poured a little onto the diaper that was spread out on my bed. Just so I could know how it felt; how uncomfortable it was for Sarah when she woke up wet. There was nothing weird about being curious, was there? I totally wasn't thinking about how Mum would react if she found a wet diaper in my bin. Wasn't imagining her punishing me in the same way she did Sarah, and wondering if it would really be bad.

Before I put it on, I rushed to the bathroom again to dump the remainder of the glass, and fill it up with cold water. Then I could take a long drink, refill it again until my thirst was actually quenched, and go back to my room.

I lay down on the diaper, and carefully pulled it up around me again. Even with the weird tapes, I found it much easier to put it on a second time. It felt warm where the padding had thirstily claimed half a glass of warm water. It was like wrapping myself in hot towels straight off the rail after a winter shower. It was so warm, and so comfortable. And I was surprised to find that it wasn't actually wet. I couldn't feel any trace of the moisture on my skin; something that all the diaper ads on TV would claim, but I'd never really imagined it could be true. So... I knew that my sister wasn't experiencing physical discomfort. This felt really nice, and more relaxing than it had any right to be. I didn't even bother to put my pyjama bottoms back on, just pulled the covers up around my shoulders, and I was sleeping deeper than ever.

Author's Note: I'm really curious if anybody knows yet (or has suspicions) what the foreshadowing in this chapter is pointing to. Is it too obvious?