26. Alice Tests a Feeling

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It seems like we're getting a lot of chapters of this story lately, doesn't it? Well, this one is a bonus for DShadow, with thanks for joining me on Patreon again. Thank you!


I woke up and stretched again. The blinds weren't quite closed, so there was a spear of light stabbing into my room, but that wasn't what had woken me. My blankets were all piled up on the floor beside my bed; I must have turned over too many times in the night and dropped them there. I felt well-rested today, and I couldn't keep myself from smiling when I looked down and saw the cute teddy bear print on my diaper. They looked so cute; and made me feel a little more like a baby every time I saw them, even if I hadn't noticed their other effects yet. It had been nearly two weeks now, and there were four different packs of diapers under my bed, so Mum could always choose what she wanted me to wear.

The teddies were comforting, as well. I didn't know what was in them, so I could still have the sense of mystery, and let myself be surprised if or when something happened. Somehow, it seemed like the whole experience would feel a little more real if I didn't actually know what was going on. As I sat up, I reached down to check my diaper. It was still dry; of course it was. Without the addition of the PerfectCalm drops, I knew it was unlikely that I would feel any real effects until I'd had a couple of months for the stuff to be absorbed through my skin. But a part of me was starting to wonder if Mum was more nervous than I was. I thought that she might not actually want to do this to me, because she felt guilty for treating Sarah like that. Or she was leaving it a while so that it would be a real surprise when she changed the wipes, or used the sleep meds, or whatever else was in that book.

I knew I should just wait. But I couldn't help feeling a little disappointed. I loved how it made me feel when Mum came into my room to diaper me in the evening, or to check the state of my diapers in the morning. It felt like a real kind of connection; but a part of me still wanted to know if it would be different when there was some evidence that I needed it. Right now, it was like this was something she was doing because I'd asked her to, a little ritual that was just like a placebo.

I could already hear them moving about downstairs. Sarah was up and getting ready for school; I didn't know if she'd wet herself again since I challenged Mum, but I hadn't heard her protesting about it. So I had a choice today. I could change my own diaper, or keep wearing it for breakfast and either change later or ask Mum to change me. I thought about it for a couple of seconds, trying to decide which route I would go for today. While I still had a lot of freedom on this stuff. I reached for the glass of water beside my bed while I let the options turn over in my mind, and then took a sip and immediately spat it out again. Too close to the heater; my water was lukewarm.

My mouth was dry, and I didn't want to spend time getting dressed before I went to get a drink. I would go downstairs in a Tshirt and diaper, I decided. It would be embarrassing if Sarah saw me like that before she left, but that was part of the point. And if I couldn't deal with that, I wanted to know while Mum was still giving me a little freedom. I was pretty sure she would respect my decision if I said 'no', wouldn't she? But then I looked down at the diaper, and thought again. If I wanted to test how it felt before letting things get out of my control, I could test myself a little more.

I carefully peeled back the tapes on the diaper. The teddy ones had these resealable tapes, with a ridged pattern on the back rather than being sticky. I wasn't quite sure how it worked, but they were supposed to unseal and stick again as often as you needed them to. And then with the diaper open, I slowly poured half a glass of warm water into the padding. I knew it was a silly thing to do; it wasn't like I'd really wet myself. But I could think about how it felt to have that wetness pressed against me, and see if I could bring myself to be seen in a wet diaper. And of course, if what I'd read online was right, it would mean I was absorbing a lot more of whatever crystals were in the diaper. I might start feeling a little fuzzy over breakfast, or I might find that it was harder to stay dry over the next couple of nights. I was curious enough that as soon as I'd thought about it, I knew that I wanted to find out.

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