✅ Over Protected

19. Mum Admits her Mistake

This bonus chapter is dedicated to liljennie. Thank you for all your support!

"Sarah's been really upset lately," I said. "I don't want to worry her. I'm not going to tell her anything she doesn't need to know. Did the doctor say something about her problem?"

"No," Mum answered, after a little delay. "This isn't connected to what happened to Sarah with the virus. And her doctors are still trying to run different tests to figure out when she'll get over this. But... Last night, I was really worried about her. You know some of the people she's been hanging around with aren't... They're not the kind of people we can trust to have her best interests at heart. Right?"

"Yeah, but how does that–"

"I've seen enough to realise that some of Sarah's friends are trying to push her into doing things that she'd regret for a very long time. I saw in her diary, she had plans last night. To sneak out after we went to bed and... she's going to get herself hurt. I was in a panic, I would have done anything to keep my little girls safe. And I thought..." She paused, and took a deep breath. And I knew then that she was telling me the truth. Or some version of it, at least.

"Mum, are you talking about–"

"I can't talk about that stuff," she said. "You're not even old enough to know about it. But I wanted to protect her from that. At any cost. And maybe last night I panicked a little, and did something I really shouldn't have done. I... I knew that if I gave you hot chocolate, she'd put off going out until the movie was over. And I thought... if she's going to sneak out later in the evening, she'd have to pretend to sleep a bit first. So if I add sleeping pills to her chocolate, she would be asleep before it happens. She'd get a good night's sleep, and she wouldn't be cranky in the morning. I felt terrible for even thinking about it. But if it stops her from... doing those things. Well, it's worth it. And she'll thank me in a couple of years, when she looks back on what she might have done to herself."

"Mum, this is scary," I said. "I mean... I know Sarah's done a lot of things to make you worry. But now you're punishing her for things you think she might do, before she's even thought about it? That's not fair, and you're only going to hurt her. Are you telling me that–"

"I'm not punishing her," she said. "I'm not trying to hurt her. But I think you might have picked the wrong mug last night. I could see how sleepy you were, walking to bed like a zombie. You were too sleepy to use the bathroom before you went to bed. And it looks like you slept too deeply to wake in the night, as well. I'm sorry, I never thought about the effect it would have on somebody so young. Because I never even considered the possibility of the cups getting confused. So I think this is my fault. I should have been more careful to keep them separate. Or I should... I don't know what I should have done. I just didn't think about it enough, I was desperate to make sure she wouldn't..."

"Wouldn't what?" I asked. I didn't want to get into this debate, but I told myself that Mum needed to think a bit more. If Sarah was really doing something wrong, then it would be better to confront her directly. But right now, I knew it was entirely possible that Mum was jumping to conclusions from the flimsiest hints, and punishing Sarah for things that hadn't even happened. Like meeting up with her friends and drinking hard cider; I'd assumed the worst, until Sarah explained, and as soon as she told me I knew that I'd seen enough to confirm it.

"It doesn't matter," she said. "She's doing things that will come back to bite her, and I don't want to leave her facing peer pressure on her own."

"Sarah's good with peer pressure," I said, giving a little smile. I didn't want to share something that I'd promised would be a secret, but I thought now I might have the opportunity to give Mum a hint in more general terms. "Like... I've seen them before, in the park. Bella's telling everybody they'll be social rejects if they don't drink with her. Pushing some of their friends to try cider. And Sarah... she's pretended to go along with it. She found a way that the people who don't want to try alcohol yet can just pretend, and Bella won't know. And I promised her I wouldn't tell you about that, so please don't say anything to Bella's parents, or anybody. You don't want to be responsible for those girls being bullied because they did the right thing, do you?"

"You're such a good girl, Alice. You want to help everyone. But trust me when I say that Sarah isn't always the good girl she claims. I'm glad you can take what she tells you at face value, but I'm afraid I can't be so trusting." I opened my mouth to respond to that, to tell her that I'd seen the bottles for myself as soon as I knew what to look for. But Mum cut me off: "But even if she's managed to turn down their cider once, there's other things that she doesn't seem to see the problem with. Things that I've seen proof of, that she knows I would never accept. Can you trust me when I say that an occasional sleeping pill to make her miss her friends is going to be better in the long run than what she was planning? I don't think I can tell you about that, but you need to trust me. Your sister might not, but I hope you can manage that."

"I'll trust you," I said, nervously for now. "But... promise me that you won't keep doing this to Sarah? If she's doing something wrong, you need to talk to her about it. Because if she finds out what you've done, she'll never listen to you again. Or talk to me first, so I know that I don't have to worry about her. Because this... really does make me worry. I want to think you're my Mummy, somebody I can trust completely like a little kid would. I don't want to see you as Supermom, leaping tall conclusions in a single bound. Can you at least talk about this stuff? Because I know some of Sarah's friends, and I hear the rumours at school. I might know things that make all the difference. And you really should know everything before you go as far as using medicine to control her."

"I'm sorry, sweetie. I know it's hard. And I will. I'll talk to you now, because I know you're on my side. Just don't tell anybody about this, okay? So Sarah can still trust me, and so I can help her to get past the worst of the temptations she's facing."

She hugged me again, and this time I felt like she was at least trying to open up. Maybe she hadn't told me quite how far she had gone, but I was sure that her second thoughts were genuine.