36. Friends Ask Questions

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I hummed to myself, doodling in my diary. I could probably have written something, but there didn't seem to be much point. I could tell now that my feelings were all jumbled up, and I wouldn't be able to think so good. It would be hard to understand the teachers today. In the few days since my playdate with Lyra, I had found it easier to just let things happen and not worry. Once, I'd even wet my diaper deliberately, shutting down my grown-up thoughts for an hour or so. I knew that Lyra was safe, and I was sure she would learn to enjoy the experience as much as I did while we journeyed back to infancy.

Today, though, I was back at school. And I was sure my head was foggy enough that I would struggle to keep up with the lessons. I didn't know if Mum had done anything when she helped me change out of my overnight diaper before heading off to school, or if this was going to be a background brain fog after a couple of baby days. And I didn't really care, it was easier just to not think about it. But my friends were around, and I wanted to be awake enough that they wouldn't have to worry about me.

"What are you drawing?" Linnea asked. She was sitting next to me, and pointed at where my pens were dancing around the page. "I thought you were writing in your diary, not drawing butterflies."

"Yeah, I..." I mumbled. "Think my brain's a bit fuzzy today. Hard to think of the words, and I get distracted and doodle."

"Are you okay?" Gem chipped in, really sounding worried.

"Yeah, I'm fine!" I said. And then I thought that sooner or later, I wouldn't be able to go to school anymore. And they were going to see me slowly drifting back to normal after a baby morning, so I should think of something to tell them. "Well... I went to see Lyra the other day."

"Oh? Is she okay? I thought she had... I don't know... something wrong?"

"She's got..." I paused a second, trying to remember the name of the disease that I had made up. Of course, there would be no way they could check it, but it would be easier to keep my story straight if I always said the same thing. "Regressive relapse syndrome, I think they called it? It's like some parts of her brain just switch off, so she can't remember stuff she's already learned. When she has a bad attack, she's crawling around and babbling like a baby, doesn't know anything she learned since she was like two. Her family knew how embarrassed she'd be if anybody saw her like that, so they're doing their best to keep her away from anybody who might tease her."

"But you can see her, and we can't? Is that 'cause you're the mature one who half thinks like an adult?"

"It's because the doctor says I might have it too," I said. "I saw the principal already, so the teachers know. If I can't understand them, it might get better in an hour or two, but if I get too bad, they can call Mummy and send me home. She thought if I chat with Lyra, I'd understand better what might happen to me. And we chatted some, she was having a good day. It's nice to talk, and know she's okay."

"That's good," Gem said. "Maybe we can see her too? I mean, I promise we won't laugh. We're friends, right?"

"Maybe. If I get that bad, you can play with me. But I warn you, it'll be like babysitting your little sisters. I might get really dumb, and not know how to walk or talk or anything."

"You're still our friend, though," Linnea said. "Really. We'll be your friends no matter what. Don't want you to be lonely, right?"

"Yeah. Thanks. I'll tell Mummy, and see if we can hang out more when I'm not up to going to school. I mean... I love you all, you're my best friends, but it would still be easy to laugh at me if you see me like that. I'm okay with that, I know it's funny. But I think Lyra is a bit more embarrassed, it might upset her. But once she's seen that you can still be kind, Mum will tell Melania, and we can see Lyra too."

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