54. Alice Likes Fish

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This bonus chapter is dedicated to Uwigi. Thank you and welcome back!


I giggled and ran around the beach, or squealed with delight when somebody helped me to the top of the climbing frame so I could go down the slide. Even better was when Mummy took me up to one of the other little islands, and held me in her lap to whoop as we zoomed down one of the big, fancy slides. We ran around for what seemed like hours, just having fun, and the thought that I was anything but a real baby never crossed my mind. Mummy was happy to change my stinky diaper, and when I went in the water with a new one on, the last traces of grown-up thoughts faded away completely. I thought somebody else might have changed me later in the afternoon, but my thoughts were so jumbled by then that I didn't have any idea who was who. I came out of that state not knowing what had really happened, just that it had been wonderful.

"What do you think?" Scott was asking. "Can she manage a fish finger?" I didn't know much, but with just a little effort I could recognise that the thing he was holding in front of me was some kind of food. I grabbed for it, but my hands hadn't learned yet that I was supposed to be bigger. I managed to get a little bit of fish stuff smushed into one hand, and most of it ended up broken on the tabletop. I didn't pay much attention, and brought my hand up to my mouth so I could clumsily try to lick it clean.

"I think she's making her own choice," Mummy answered, and I beamed with pride. I loved when Mummy let me do hard things. "Looks like Alice is coming out of her baby mode just a little bit, so she can try feeding herself if she wants to. We can try her with baby food again later, if she doesn't get some in her mouth."

I was focused entirely on trying to eat for the next few minutes, so I wasn't paying much attention to what the grown-ups were saying. But I was taking in some of the words now, so I would be able to decipher their conversation later if I made an effort to remember.

My thoughts were getting clearer as I ate, and before we finished I had enough coordination to grasp one of the potato wedges and crush it approximately into my mouth. It was tough, but after trying lots of times I managed it. Little triumphs like that were what meant I could feel good about getting bigger again.

"Is she going to be okay?" Sarah asked, and the way she glanced across the table made me think she might be talking about me. That was just enough to get me to pay attention to her again. I might not understand what they were saying, but the words would be there in my memory when I tried to think about it later. "I mean, it seems like she's more childish than ever. I thought the doctor said we should be expecting signs of recovery soon, not getting worse."

"She's not crying, though," Scott added. "It's not like it's upsetting her."

"But I can't even see if my sister's still in there. She can't hold my gaze, and it's like she really is a baby now. And harder to clean up after, if it keeps on like this."

"I'm sure she'll be fine," Mummy answered, and I found myself nodding. Whatever Mummy said had to be right. "It's exciting for her, having friends who are in a similar condition. Maybe it just felt like a chance to relax. Like she knows there's a bunch of other mommies here who can help take care of her, and some others are even further gone, so she doesn't have to put in so much effort fighting it. I bet she'll be a good little girl for us as soon as we're home, and extra happy."

"Yeah!" I cheered, and Sarah gave a little laugh. I still didn't like lying to her, but I knew there wasn't really a good way to tell her anything without causing a whole new load of drama. But right now I didn't need to think about it. I was a baby, and as soon as I focused on my food, all the deeper thoughts didn't seem important. I was maybe starting to grow up again; enough to look beyond our table and see that we were in one of the cafés around the edge of the water park, overlooking the people still having fun in all the pools. But that was as complex as my thoughts got, and I could still let the grown ups' conversations wash over me without having to think about what they meant.

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