✅ Over Protected

30. Sarah Reassures her Baby Sister

This isn't the story I intended to post today; but I still have only about half of a chapter written. Let's hope my writing speed picks up again tomorrow!

In any case, this chapter is dedicated to Maja. Thank you for your support!

"Are you okay, Alice?" Sarah asked, peering over the top of a croissant. "You're... I don't think you normally use your finger for reading, do you?"

I looked down at my hands, and gave a little laugh. I'd already finished my breakfast, bolting cereal as fast as I could, and was now reading another bit of Potty Training For Teens while I waited for Mummy to finish the chores so she could change me. I'd woken up wet again this morning; the third day in a row, so I might be starting to turn into a real baby now. Mummy had said she didn't have time to change me before breakfast, and I was happy with that. Sitting there with a soggy bum just made it easier to read my book without thinking so much about it. But I hadn't really noticed that I was running my finger along each line of words, lips silently moving as I sounded them out. Maybe I was thinking less than I thought.

"It's a bit hard," I said. "I lose my place if I don't. I don't mind."

"Yeah, but... you were like the smartest girl in your class, weren't you? You never did that before."

I started to answer, but then I picked up my drink and immediately dropped it again. It wasn't the first time in the last couple of weeks; my only guess was that it had something to do with the muscle relaxants that were in some of those diapers. Sometimes I just couldn't hold onto things, and I never realised until it was too late.

"Something disturbing you?" Sarah asked, as she rushed in to help me clean up. "I mean... this is starting to become a habit." I could tell right away that she was even more worried about me now.

"The doctor said the virus got in my head," I said with a shrug, and then looked down to see that I had no idea which line I'd been in the middle of. "It can affect my motor control, as well as my thoughts. It's not a big deal, it's unlikely to last more than a year or two." I wasn't being particularly honest; the doctor hadn't had any theories about what was wrong with my brain. But unlike with Sarah, where Mum had spoken to the doctor in private and then passed on whatever advice she thought would help Sarah to be more babyish, I'd only actually been to see the doctor about my bedwetting and mental agility twice. The message had been that the doctor couldn't find anything to explain it, and to come back if it got serious. Now, Mummy would sometimes take me to a nice play area in the woods, where I could mess about on a climbing frame and slide that were really too little for me, and we could just tell Sarah that we'd had a doctor's appointment.

"I had that a few times," she told me. "The mind fog thing, I mean. It was terrifying. I was just confused, and I couldn't think straight. I don't know how I would have reacted if I needed help picking stuff up as well. I'm glad it seems to be over now, but you seem to have it even worse. I wish I could help."

"It's okay," I said, giving up on the book for now. "It's only sometimes. And I'm in like baby clothes. It lets me imagine I'm a baby. Like, I don't have to think about all the serious stuff. It's like I get a break sometimes, and I don't have to feel bad about the work I should be doing if I can't remember it."

"I guess..." she mumbled. "It doesn't seem fair that you're still getting punished, though. It's been nearly three months now since Mum caught you... well, whatever it was. I think I was a little confused when she explained. But she said it was over the top to keep me in baby clothes for so long, even when I was rebelling at every opportunity. You've done nothing but go along with it, and you're still..."

"I don't mind," I said with a shrug. "I think maybe it's a way of coping. Like, that virus could be a big scary thing. But if Mummy keeps on treating me like a baby, I don't have to think about it. I can pretend it's normal. Like, I can't do anything about it anyway, so what's wrong with pretending I'm still a little kid?"

"I guess," she said. "But tell me if you're ever uncomfortable with it, okay? I don't want to see my baby sister in trouble. I think I could–"

She stopped talking as Mummy came into the room. I guess that she was still scared that what she planned to say might get her into some kind of trouble.

"Come on, baby," she said. "I think somebody needs a change, don't they?" That little sing-song voice, and the way she spoke like she didn't expect me to understand, made something melt inside me. I was happy; getting exactly what I wanted.

"How do you feel, baby?" Mum asked, upstairs in my room. It was starting to look more and more like a nursery for a little baby here, and that could only be a good thing. But I guess that even with Mummy talking down to me, she was aware that there were still some big-girl thoughts in my head.

"Happy," I said, with a giggle. These days, I found the laughter attached itself to anything I said more and more often. It didn't matter what I was talking about, it just felt so good to let myself give a little giggle, or a chuckle, instead of thinking. But I also knew that wasn't really the answer she wanted. She was asking about the STX, so I tried to answer: "A little bit fuzzy, I think. My attention wanders, and everything seems so funny."

"Okay," she said. "Now, what shall we do this morning? I got an email from your teacher praising your insight last night, so I think that's something you can be proud of. Perhaps they'll give you a little reward. Or you could stay home and play with your toys again. I'm not busy today. I'll be here tomorrow, so we can go and see Lyra and her Mummies. A day of big, smart Alice yesterday, and little baby Alice tomorrow. So today you can pick which one you want the most."

She pulled the diaper up around me and checked that it fitted neatly; but she didn't fasten the tapes yet. She lowered it again, making me think about what kind this clean one was. It was comfortable, soft, and slightly warm already. And then I noticed that Mum was holding a tiny little jug in one hand; the kind of fake-crystal ones that we had for putting sauce on dinner. I was sure I knee what that could mean.

"So, would my little one like to try school today?" she asked again, and I shook my head. I would rather not have had the choice, but I knew that it was safer this way, so that she could be really sure I wasn't missing out on anything that mattered to me. She continued: "Well, we'll have to see how you're feeling in a couple of minutes, won't we? See if you can show me that wonderful brain that's got your teachers so excited."

Mummy gently brushed another wipe across my diaper area as she spoke, making sure I was nice and clean. And then she poured a little tiny bit of warm water onto the diaper before fastening it around me properly. I could feel the warmth against my skin, soft and reassuring. And I knew that I'd made my choice now. One way or another, I wouldn't be able to go to school today. I reached out for Mummy, hoping for a hug. And then I saw my arms stretching out in front of me like they could go on forever. It surprised me when my arms were fully stretched out and I couldn't touch Mummy yet, and I tried harder to reach her. But as my hands turned around in front of me, I realise just what a funny shape they were. I tried wiggling them some more, and trying to spot the pattern between what I tried to move, and how the picture I was seeing changed. The world around me was all big and confusing, spinning like a kaleidoscope of bright colours. I couldn't work out how to sit up now, but it was so much fun when Mummy made funny noises. And then she picked me up, and I had a little bubble of contentment in the middle of all the confusion.

I didn't know what anything was now, and I couldn't remember the names of everything. I babbled happily, not really understanding that I usually spoke in words. I didn't have to understand, didn't have to think about anything buy Mummy's warmth beside me, and the beautiful, musical sounds of her voice, falling like iridescent raindrops all around me. It was a feeling I could never describe later, when my mind shut down completely, but it was the most wonderful, relaxing feeling I could imagine.