✅ Over Protected

21. Alice Doubts Herself

This bonus chapter is dedicated to Santoro. Thank you for all your support!

I sent a few more messages to Madison, asking what I should do about what we had discovered. But she didn't seem to believe any of it. She thought that Mum was just trying to be helpful, making Sarah more comfortable with what was happening to her. I said that there was no way that would explain all the secrecy, or the hidden pack of baby wipes. But nothing I said seemed to be getting through.

I guess it did seem a little far-fetched, when I thought about it. Something like a fantasy. But a strange dream with just enough of a foundation in reality for me to start wondering if it could be real. After reading all those stories on the forum, and finding the wipes that they described – complete with the health warning – I couldn't believe in a world where the drugs didn't work like they had said. That was my problem now; I had to believe that it was real. But I still didn't understand why anyone would do something like that.

Maybe Madison was a good example, if I wanted to understand what Mum was thinking. She'd been injured, and started wetting herself. People had laughed, and called her a baby. And being embarrassed like that had been the key that made her take a new look at her life. Now she was more thoughtful, more understanding, and more mature. Perhaps that accident had been just what she needed to make her turn her life around. And if Mum had talked to Madison's parents, and realised how much difference it made to her, I could understand that she might think it was a good thing. But there was still a big difference between seeing the silver lining in a problem like that, and actually trying to cause those problems for Sarah.

But then I thought a little more, and wondered when Mum had changed Sarah's diapers and wipes. Maybe it wasn't just that she saw the benefit to Sarah's former friends. Perhaps when Sarah had caught the virus, Mum had seen that the embarrassment made her more willing to do what she was told for a little while. If she saw a big difference, that could have given her the incentive to swap for those medicated diapers, and see if she could make the problem last a little longer. Just until Sarah's other problems were solved. Because from Mum's point of view, Sarah was still a big rebel. She listened to music and watched movies that weren't really appropriate for someone her age. And even when she was trying to do the right thing, she didn't want to talk to Mum about it. So Mum could have seen how much she changed when she started wetting the bed, and then decided to do what she could to make that keep happening.

I could see the plan in my head now. It wouldn't seem like such a big thing. Sarah was embarrassed, and Mum had started to baby her as a punishment for lying. And Mum started to realise that Sarah was actually listening to her more, and less likely to argue. So she wondered if extending this experience by a few more weeks would make it easier for Sarah to start respecting her again. And then maybe Mum had kept on thinking they could go on for a few weeks more; or perhaps she hadn't realised how long she'd been babying Sarah. The big thing was that she might not have thought about how the drugs would interact with effects from the virus. Sarah had wet herself in school at least once. That wasn't fair; it should have been an immediate sign for Mum to stop the treatment until she could be sure it wouldn't happen again. But did Mum even know it had happened, or had Sarah been more successful in hiding it? And if she did know, was there any way Mum could have taken away the special diapers without letting Sarah realise what had happened?

It really seemed like she was in a tough place. She wanted Sarah to be happy, but there was no easy way to fix things without causing more drama. A week went past, and then another, while my thoughts about these problems slowly developed. And by the time I was sure I'd thought about all the possibilities, I hoped that Sarah was starting to behave herself a little better, so that Mum could be more comfortable with letting her act her age again.

When that changed, I'd been out at Linea's house. We'd been meeting up at her house more often since Lyra changed schools, because her parents had the biggest lounge and the biggest TV. It wasn't a sleepover tonight; her mum didn't feel up to looking after so many kids overnight when her dad wasn't there. Just an afternoon watching dumb movies, and arguing about whether it was still fun to watch Disney or if we were too old for that stuff now. I didn't really understand the argument; I still loved trying to sing along with the songs in every movie. Maybe they seemed a little too simplistic now, but that was just because I couldn't help overthinking everything. It wasn't anything bad about the shows themselves.

"I wish I could think less," I'd joked, and that was still on my mind on the way home, right up until I saw Sarah walking the other way. She had a small plastic bag in her hands, with the logo of a local supermarket on the side. I called out to her, but got no response. I wondered where she might be going, but I didn't want to disturb her if she was doing something important.

Even when I got home, that thought was still on my mind. I knew that I was pretty smart, and had a bigger vocabulary than all my friends. But sometimes, I just wished I could be less intelligent for a while, so I could enjoy the cute, simple movies without needing to think about it so much. Was that even possible? Could you learn to think less? And my mind went back to some of the things I'd seen on that forum.

Those people wanted their kids to be babies again. But that wasn't something you could just give them drugs for, or medicated baby wipes. All the wipes and diapers did was make a little one wet the bed; or make them light-headed so it was harder to think. And maybe that was just what I needed. And I knew that was a crazy thought, because if I wasn't overthinking everything and worrying about what might happen, I would have no way to know if I was overdoing it. I didn't want to ruin my life and end up failing at school. But...

I shook my head and went back to writing in my diary. I didn't want to think about all those crazy things; though maybe I could write a story about it or something. But it was still on my mind when dinner time came around, and I came downstairs to help Mum with the cooking. I was thinking about those wipes, and whether I could find an excuse to ask to borrow them; just once, so I wouldn't be handling them while I was already under the effect of whichever ones Mum had chosen.

"Hey Mum," I said, hoping that she couldn't guess what was on my mind. "Do you need me to..." I wondered if I had been mistaken, but I knew in a second that I'd seen exactly what I thought. As soon as I spoke, her first thought had been trying to hide a little glass bottle in her pocket. I didn't want to say anything until I was sure, but by now I knew that I had to be certain. I'd thought that she might have been having second thoughts, but I had to check. I turned around and opened the fridge, thinking that I could get myself a glass of cold apple juice to justify me looking. But when I saw that the bottle of that PerfectCalm stuff was missing from the shelf, I knew that I couldn't just keep hoping. I closed the door again.

"Want a glass of milk, honey?" Mum asked. "I just finished the bottle. There's new one on the top shelf."

"No," I mumbled, still not sure what I was going to say even as the words came out of my mouth. "You're putting that stuff in dinner?"

"I... you saw?"

"Yeah. And I don't think you'd try to hide it if you didn't feel guilty. So, please, can you tell me? I want to be able to help you feel better. I mean... Sarah's been trying hard to make sure her friends are okay. Is there something...?"

"I guess we need to talk," she said. "A long talk. I'm sorry, sweetie, but I know you're mature enough to understand. But please, don't say anything to your sister. I'll tell you everything after dinner."