fourteen

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𝐘/𝐍 𝐏𝐎𝐕

THERE WAS one bed. One fucking bed. "I can sleep on the floor." I blurted out. In hindsight, sharing a bed with someone wasn't that big of a deal. However, it was a pretty big deal when you have the world's biggest crush on the person you're sharing it with and they don't even know. I felt like it was crossing some sort of moral line.

"What? I'm not letting you sleep on the floor Y/n. We can just share the bed, it's not that big of a deal." Emily said quietly as she walked to the right side of the bed and put her stuff down. If I wasn't so panicked I would have realized that Emily's words were more to calm herself down than to calm me down. I took a deep breath and tried to collect my nerves. It was one night. If she doesn't have a problem with it I shouldn't either. Right?

"You better not be a kicker," Emily said with a small smile as she met my gaze, instantly calming my nerves. It's like she always knew exactly what to say. It was also another reminder that I'm making a much bigger deal out of this than I should be.

"And you better not be a cover hog," I said with a small laugh and she joined me.

"You can go shower first," Emily said to me. I nodded as I grabbed my stuff and headed to the bathroom. I turned the shower on and watched as steam filled the bathroom. The silence and heat lead my mind to wander. This was the first time today I allowed myself to be alone with my thoughts.

I got into the shower and immediately sat on the ground as the hot water ran down my entire body. I pulled my legs to my chest and held them as tight as possible. My mind was racing. Not just with Emily and the bed, but with everything. With coming back home.

I hadn't been back to Pittsburgh in years. I thought that if I stayed away, all the bad memories could just be locked here. I could move on with my life and my past would stay away from me.

But as I sit here, burning water pounding on my body, I can't help but let old memories flood into my mind. It was as if I opened a drawing bridge and all the memories were rushing out. Painful memories. Memories that I try to forget.

Although, my mind seems to fixate on one memory in particular. A memory that has haunted me for over a decade. A memory I am reminded of every time I look in a mirror. A memory that slowly destroys me every time I let myself think about it.

"Y/n, are you okay?" Emily asked as she knocked on the door, pulling me out of my thoughts. I looked down at my hands and saw that they had turned all wrinkly. How long had I been sitting here?

"Yeah, I'm fine. I'll be out in a second." I called out, easily able to mask my emotions. I quickly washed my hair and body before getting out. I pulled on a sweatshirt and a pair of shorts that had seemingly shrunk since the last time I wore them.

I eventually made my way out of the bathroom and saw Emily on the bed reading. When she heard me she looked up from her book. "You okay?" She asked as she put her book down. On any other day, I would have freaked out that Emily seemed to care enough to ask how I was, but not today. I was too drained to even realize the significance of it.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Why?" I asked as I crossed my arms. Which I immediately regretted because any profiler would know that crossing your arms is literally withholding behavior. Not to my surprise I could see Emily instantly profiling me. "You were in the shower for an hour and a half." She said raising her eyebrows.

"I uh- I just like taking long showers," I said, never breaking eye contact with her. I knew if I looked down she would profile it. Emily looked at me skeptically and it took everything in me not to break eye contact. She gave me a small nod before grabbing her stuff and heading into the bathroom. Thank God.

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