thirty-three

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𝐄𝐌𝐈𝐋𝐘 𝐏𝐎𝐕

Three days. Y/n and I had three more days together until she left for god knows how long.

That's how I found myself awake at three am, just watching her sleep. Trying to memorize every little thing about her. Trying to enjoy as much time with her as I could even if it meant she was just sleeping.

The last couple of days had been a blur. She and Luke have had meeting after meetings about the assignment. Y/n was someone who can easily hide her emotions behind a smile but I can tell that this effecting her more than she's letting on.

Although, I am grateful that Barnes still hasn't lifted my suspension so we've actually been able to spend time together. That'll be something I can worry about after Y/n leaves.

"Stop watching me sleep," Y/n murmured as she rubbed her eyes.

"Sorry," I whispered, embarrassed at being caught.

"It's okay," She smiled as she wrapped her arms around my torso and laid her head on my chest. "Why are you up?" She murmured and I just ran my hands through her hair. "I couldn't sleep."

"Do you want me to make you some tea?" Y/n said as she sat up and now I felt guilty about waking her because I knew she had trouble falling back asleep once she was up.

"No, I'll be okay. Try and go back to sleep." I said softly.

"It's okay, I was barely sleeping anyways. Let's go." Y/n said, sounding more awake as she grabbed my hand and pulled me toward the kitchen.

I sat down at the counter and watched as she moved throughout the kitchen. Her hair was pulled up into a bun and she was wearing one of my oversized Yale sweatshirts with a pair of shorts underneath. Usually, I always offered to make the tea or coffee but I found myself in a trance as I watched her. Committing this moment to memory, of her in her pajamas as the moonlight from the window reflected on her skin.

"Here you go." She smiled as she handed me the mug and sat across from me at the counter. I thanked her and we sat in a comforting silence.

After awhile I noticed her staring off into space, tapping the side of her mug unconsciously. 

"Y/n." I said softly, pulling out of whatever trance she was in as she looked at me. 

"What's going on up there?" I murmured and she just sighed, "It's nothing."

"It's nothing as in you can't tell me or you don't want to tell me." I asked as I put my mug down. 

"First one." She said quietly. 

"Well, why don't you just tell me what you're feeling then."  I suggested and she raised an eyebrow, "That sounds very therapist-y."

"I'm being serious, Y/n." I sighed.

"I know." She huffed out before taking a moment to collect her thoughts. "I just feel like I'm in over my head." She sighed. 

"You're not-" I started before she cut me off.

"You don't know that." She said.

"Yes, I do, because I know you. You always go above and beyond what people ask of you." I said seriously and she just bit the inside of her cheek. "That's what I'm worried about." She said quietly. 

"Why?" I asked. 

She blew out a breath and played with the rim of her mug, "I can't tell you why without saying something-" She started.

"Confidential?" I asked.

"Yeah, sorry." She said with a sigh. 

"Hey, you don't have to apologize." I said as I reached over the counter and grabbed her head. "Trust me, I understand." I said softly and Y/n gave me a smile. I wished there was something I could say to ease her anxiety but in all honesty I don't think there is. So if all I can do is be there for her then that's what I'll do. 

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