twenty seven

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𝐄𝐌𝐈𝐋𝐘 𝐏𝐎𝐕

"NO NO NO NO!" I yelled as I watched Y/n's body go limp and my vision was clouded with tears.

I felt like I was floating out of my body as I watched Spencer check her pulse and immediately start CPR. I barely registered the hand on my shoulder and the voice behind me saying the medics were on their way up.

I stared at Y/n's lifeless body and found myself praying for the first time in decades. I was praying to whatever God or being would listen to me. I watched as her body shook with each compression. I didn't even realize I had clung to Y/n's hand until I heard the voice from behind me telling me let her go so the Medics could take her.

I felt like my body was on autopilot as I followed after them and got into the ambulance with Y/n. I watched as they alternated between chest compressions and breaths and then finally an AED which got her heart beating again.

I didn't even realize Dave had gotten on the ambulance with me until I felt him wrap his arms around me. I let myself be comforted by him, momentarily forgetting my anger before returning my attention back to Y/n. I held onto her hand, drawing small hearts with my thumb. It was something she always did, even though it was no comfort to her since she was still unconscious.

"You're going to be okay. Please be okay." I repeated as I felt the tears falling down my face and Dave rubbing a comforting hand on my back.


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I paced around the waiting room. It had been an hour since they had taken Y/n into surgery. I didn't understand all the medical jargon but I knew enough to know that it wasn't good.

I had spent the last 60 minutes living through every possible outcome. 60 minutes regretting everything I didn't do or have time to do.

"Do you want a change of clothes?" A voice asked pulling me out of my thoughts.

"What?" I said looking at JJ. She frowned and motioned toward my clothes. I looked down at myself for the first time and saw that my clothes were soaked in blood. Y/n's blood.

Oh god I'm going to be sick.

I sprinted to bathroom and made it to the toilet just in time to empty the contents of my stomach. Even after I had nothing left to throw up, I felt myself dry heaving into the toilet. At some point a hand was rubbing my back and holding my hair but I didn't even notice until I sat on the ground with my back against the stall.

"Are you okay?" JJ asked softly as she sat across from me.

"What do you think?" I spit out as I brought my knees to my chest, trying to ignore the sight of blood. JJ gave me a sad smile and seemed to forgive my harsh words by reaching for my hand. "You love her?" JJ said, although it came out more of a statement.

"H-how did you know?" I asked and JJ squeezed my hand.

"Well, the last hour and a half was a pretty good indicator." She said quietly. "And you have been so happy lately, Emily. I can see it in your eyes."

"Garcia hacked into my phone didn't she." I sniffled. I knew JJ was distracting me from my thoughts spiraling but for once I was actually okay with that.

"Uh... maybe." JJ winced and I just let out a small laugh which then turned into roars of laughter to the point where I couldn't breath. "I never got to tell her." I said through deranged laugher.

"You never got to tell her what?" JJ asked and all of a sudden my laughter turned into a sob as I felt my eyes welling with tears again. "Oh, Emily." JJ said softly as she moved next to me and pulled me into a comforting hug.

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