Breaking stereotypes

Chapter-30

November ~
It's off today and I am on my bed lying too happy and reminiscing everything that has happened to us till now, reading our old chats since he is busy today and smiling like an idiot. As I was fully indulged in my daydreaming, my brother enters my room in full black suits looking like a gentleman to ask about lunch or whether I will be alright alone since he was going out to attain an important party related to his company. I don't know much about but I hear their company came in a partnership business with another biggest food company of India and it's a party to celebrate the beginning of a new bonding. He might even be late for dinner which we never have together to begin with. We might not be close or have a regular bonding like any other brother and sister but he does worry about me and looks after me. That much I won't lie.
He catches me smiling and asks out directly, "Are you dating someone? You even seem happier these days or I can say different."
I am caught red handed and I can't lie now. More like I don't even want to lie or hide about him but he is an elder brother and we were never close to begin with let alone talk about relationship status and all. I feel a little shy. "Well", I say smiling in a hesitant way giving him a yes as an answer. At first I avoid looking at him but then I do.
I don't even know about his relationship status. I don't know anything about his personal life nor does he about me except for those discrimination and traumas which came in from our family and now he knows another one.
"Inter-religion?" He asks.
"Ummmm." I avoid looking again sitting on my bed while curling up my legs and head down on it while my hands rolling around my legs.
He sighs still standing near the door.
"I don't care about all these you also know but I can't tell you how our family is going to react."
I know inter religion is going to be a big issue in our family but why do they care? They never cared about me, my mental health, my future, my happiness and suddenly they will just care about their reputation. I hate this. Don't come inbetween my happiness again. I finally found it. These are the thoughts spiraling inside my head.
"I know." I don't say anything more than that. I know he doesn't care about all these but he also care about what would happen when our family finds out about it. At the end I won't be getting any support I know. Suddenly I feel sad and helpless again. My chest starts getting heavy.
"I am leaving for now. Eat something and lock the door if you go out and if you don't still keep it locked from inside. Do not open to anyone unless it's me."
I simply nod my head. He leaves. I can sense that thing smiling and lurking around again. I shake the thought off. I always knew this was going to be a problem but I still stepped on it on purpose. I don't want them or any kind of human made customs and stereotypes to come in between my happiness. I love him, I am not committing any crime or sin. I will fight for my happiness, for him, for us to have our happy ending like I have always fought for myself. I won't give up this time either. I have made up mind on what to do.
~
Jas: We need to talk when you are free.
Ryan: Is that thing still disturbing you? Are you alright? Shall I come over?
I am not even shocked anymore. I know he already knew about my struggles with it. I know he notices everything about me still doesn't oversteps my personal choice, my boundaries and supports me in silence. He waited till I come up with the topic. He didn't came up with it because he thought I would be uncomfortable and feel ashamed. I know everything too. I want to meet him.
Jas: Yes. I want to talk over in person. Tell me when you are free.
Ryan: I am on my way. Your place?
Jas: No. I will be coming. Our place.
Ryan: Are you sure you want to come out? Don't push yourself too hard.
Jas: I am fine.
Ryan: If you say so.
~
I don't dress up or anything today. I come out the way I was at home in my loose white pyjama with pink and purple flower prints on it and a brown hand-knitted light coat over a plain t-shirt inside. A ponytail at my back and my pink slippers on. May be it's the first time I am meeting him bare face in my home attire but I don't care right now. I want to meet him.
As I take the turn to his block, I see him standing near the rock with his hands inside the pockets of his dark blue jeans. I smile at the thought of him understanding which place I meant when I said our place. All my anxiety and panic vanishing as I see him standing there, shivering in cold with his earmuffs around his ears wearing his usual hoodie which seems so comfortable. I feel so many emotions right now that I might cry.
"Hey", he runs towards me with worry on his face. He catches up to me and holds me by his hands on my shoulder, "Are you alright?"
I avoid eye contact because if I look at him right now I will definitely burst into tears. I sense him noticing me too much. Like in details.
I remember! I am not even in my no makeup look today. No touchup no nothing. I start feeling conscious again. May be I should have done a little bit of touchup. I regret coming out like this. What now? I start panicking.
He smiles still holding on to me.
What is he smiling about? I look up at him.
"You look pretty." He says looking directly into my eyes. "I want to see you more like this."
I wasn't planning on any kind of romantic things happening today but he does it again. Making my heart skip a beat. I get nervous and divert my eyes. "Whatever." I punch him slightly and hold his sleeve, "let's go sit and talk over there." He smiles noticing my shyness. "Sure" and follows me.
~
"You know 'that thing' hasn't left me. It still comes time to time and lurks around disturbing me, panicking me, laughing at me, challenging me and what not."
"I know. Why didn't you tell me sooner. I am sorry I could not do anything for you. I am". . He looks sad, sad enough to cause pain in my heart. I cut him off, "You really have no idea what you have done for me." I say putting my hand over his meaning every word I said.
He nods but still disagrees. "Did something specifically happen today?" He asks looking my way.
"Well my brother found out about us." I say giving him a half smile.
"Did he say anything mean or harsh to you? Do you want me to talk to him?"
"Hey, I already told you how he is. He doesn't care about all these but. . I don't say anything.
"You family." He completes my sentence. I nod my head.
"What do you want to do now?"
"What else? I am gonna fight for us."
He smiles. "That's my girl" giving me a headpat turning me red all over again. I shake off his hand, "what are you doing?" He smiles. I give him a pout trying my best no to smile too much.
"So?" He says as if he knew what was coming next.
"Yes" I said, "I am thinking of going back and facing everything, every person this time. I am thinking of going back to my therapist and completing my sessions. I will face my family and conclude all my unresolved issues with them. This time I don't want to run away from anyone or anything. I want to face everything and win at the end. This time I won't let anything to come in between my happiness be it that stupid thing which never leaves me or be it my own family but for that to happen I have to face everything first instead of running away so I will be going back."
"You know I am with you always right?" This time he holds my hand inbetween his hands reassuring me.
"I don't know how long it will take."
"I will be waiting. No matter how long." He says looking into my eyes.
I look at him and then at his hand over mine. I hold his hand back interlocking our fingers together and look up at him again, this time giving him a warm smile. As usual he smiles a warmer, a sweeter smile than mine.
"Are you afraid?" He asks softly.
"What if. . I pause a little, "what if I don't get cured, what if I never recover, what if I never heal from my past and it affects our relationship? What if at the end. .
"You will be. And if by any chance there is a possibility that thing doesn't leaves I still won't care. Even now I don't. I have trust in you. You will fight and win at the end. I will be always there for you and if you ever want me to come remember I am just one text away. But please don't push yourself too hard all alone. Please don't make me feel like I can't do anything for you. I know you want to resolve all these by yourself but remember you are not alone in this. You have me. You have Adya. Always remember that."
Silence surrounds us as none of us say anything further. I try my best not to cry but at the end I end up bursting into tears. He confronts me as I cry in his arms. I love how he understands that this very specific thing is something I want to do alone and decides just to support me in silence. He tries his best not to cry with me and even succeeds in it.
"That day", he says, "on our second date I was pretty lame and even got you into trouble, I am sorry for that."
What is he talking about? Is he serious?
I pull back and look into his eyes. "You were not lame at all. If anything you were awesome. Like a superhero to a supergirl. The manliest man I have ever seen or known." We stare at each other for a few seconds and then he looks away. Probably because he was too shy after what I said. He doesn't say anything and I just watch him and smile.
Silence, love and understanding surrounds us while we continue holding our hands. There is some different kind of peace and comfort in this silence.
"When are you planning on leaving?" He asks.
"May be before Christmas. The sooner the better."
He nods his face. I don't say anything more.
"Hey aren't you feeling cold? You are just in a light sweater. Let's go inside."
"Well I am a little but I will be okay."
"No you won't be. You can't fall sick when you are about to fight your toughest battle. Take care of yourself. Let's go inside." He stands up as I pull him back.
"If we go inside may be I won't be able to hold back." I say avoiding eye contact but I feel less shy to talk about my honest feelings compared to before. I glance back to see his expression.
He looks shocked as if he didn't expect that coming from me. A little nervous and cute as always. Even more when trying to explain himself.
"I. . I didn't mean it in that way. I know you already told. . Hey, I won't do anything I was just worried about you."
"It's not you, it's me whom I don't trust." I say looking into his eyes. He stares at me for a moment and understands what I meant seconds after. "Ah. . well. . no. ." He finds himself in loss for words. I burst into a loud laughter and pull him next to me. "Sit" I say. He cooperates still too shy to say anything. He puts his hand at the back of his head while looking down. Ah here we go again. Isn't he the cutest?
"But it's cold, wait." He pulls his hoodie off exposing his plain white t-shirt. Wow we match today.
"Here." He gives it to me.
"Hey, you feel more cold than I feel. What are you doing?"
"Then give me your sweater I will wear that."
This cunningly sweet guy! He never changes. Does he?
I pull my sweater off. "Here."
"Thankyou." He smiles.
We sit there quietly holding hands and wearing each others' winter clothes.