Part of Them

Part 31

Could it perhaps be that, because I was already hating things that I wanted to enjoy and the curse was supposed to make me feel that way too, the curse developed differently somehow? Was it because the curse didn't really have a function anymore as I was already feeling that way?

Then that would mean that my hate for living the life of a rogue on the loose, after I received the mark from Linda and got thrown out, had caused the curse mark to develop into strengthening those negative feelings for things that I desired.

And this must be why I'm having such conflicted thoughts towards my current situation with my brothers.

If so, I would need to tell Rayi somehow, right? He might be able to work with that revelation and maybe lift the curse somehow. But first, I need to make sure that it was possible for him to lift it before I told him anything private and embarrassing about myself.

"Are you able to influence or remove the curse?" I tested the waters carefully.

"It really depends on what's causing the weird development of the curse," He answered thoughtfully. "Do you have any idea about the reason for this?"

At this moment, I had to decide how much I valued my privacy and thoughts in comparison to my reputation.

I didn't want to leave any expression on Rayi that would indicate that I originally liked being treated like a kid.

How embarrassing would that be?

But I needed to tell him somehow.

Maybe this was the key for me to enjoy life again?

Maybe I could finally settle down and find peace, because the life that my brothers intended for me sounded amazing when they told me about it, but when I was experiencing it first hand, it was horrible and I could only focus on the negative aspects.

That was probably the effect of the curse.

"Uh, alright. I think I might have an idea where this is coming from," I started warily. "Maybe it's because I was already feeling negative feelings about things that I really wanted to enjoy, but when I was experiencing them, it felt like a total disaster," I finished off quickly, hoping he wouldn't dig deeper into this matter than necessary.

"Can you tell me an example?" He asked, still facing my back.

"I thought the life of a wild rogue would be the most enjoyable life I could get, y'know, because of all the freedom. But it made me feel terrible when I was actually living it and after some time, I sought closure to other conscient beings again. That's why I ended up with Linda, that supposed witch," I elaborated with a slightly red face.

"And do you feel as if those conflicted feelings have worsened over time?" He asked emotionlessly.

"Eh, yeah. They most definitely did," I revealed, prepared to tell him off if he tried to dig deeper into the matter.

There was a pause in the conversation and after a couple seconds, I could feel Rayi starting to trace the lines on my back again.

"Let me see..." He whispered under his breath.

Sighing inwardly, I tried to relax in my stiff position, but as I had been standing upright for at least two hours with a broken foot joint, it was unbearable. Everybody seemed to have forgotten about my poor physical condition after the curse mark on my back had been revealed.

I slightly shifted, trying to signal something to Rayi, but, having literally zero social skills, he didn't seem to think anything about it.

This is so unfair, how come he isn't tired from standing all the time? Not to mention, he's been bending down all the time to look at my back.

"Can I sit down or something while you do your thing?" I asked hopefully.

"Oh, sure," He answered. "Perhaps lying down would be better though," He continued. "Please lay down on the bed on your stomach."

Was he for real? Had he forgotten about my wound there?

I mean, I wouldn't mind it that much since I have a high pain tolerance and my priorities were currently on relaxing my muscles rather than sparing my wound, but still. Alerus will be mad.

Without further objecting, I limped towards the bed and laid down carefully with my face stuffed in the rather hard cushions.

I felt Rayi crouching down next to me and going back to examining my back.

After what must've been another two hours, Rayi got up.

"I have an idea how to reverse the curse, but I'll need the others' permission for that. It will be very painful after all," He told me in an excited voice. "Just try to sleep a bit until they are back, I contacted them already through the mind link."

What?

Reverse the curse? Painful? Mind link?

Oh dear lord, save me. This world holds so many mysteries, and some, I don't even want to know.

Hearing Rayi's footsteps retread, I closed my eyes. I just wanted to rest for an infinite amount of time.