I'm Also A We // Hyunlix

Beginnings

ACT ONE

THEN

F E L I X

The feeling starts at the end of the day when schedule is over and Felix is sitting on the floor at the hyung dorm to watch a movie with the others. Minho has joined him and so have Seungmin, Jisung, and Jeongin. Jisung picked the movie and it's not really Felix's taste, but he doesn't say anything and he doesn't care, because evenings like this are so rare nowadays, and he aches for them too much to do anything to risk it. He wishes the others would have joined too, but Hyunjin stayed instead in his room to paint, Changbin went home to his family, and Chan is at the company working.

Still, Felix is content like this. He's on the floor, head leaning against Minho's thigh who's sitting on the sofa, with Jisung curled up against him, Seungmin next to them. Jeongin sits next to Felix, not close, but enough so Felix can nudge him with his feet whenever he wants a share of the popcorn they made.

It's a weird feeling. He's poking at it for a while now, like one would scratch at an itch, first absentmindedly, a faint sensation that only grows more intense now that one's scratching it. It's dread and loneliness, Felix thinks, and sadness is there too, but not like he's used to. It's more distant somehow. As if those feelings are not really his, and instead he's only picking them up from someone else. Like when he's watching a sad movie and he's devastated by it but in the end, those feelings aren't his own and those problems are gone the moment he turns off the TV.

Only they're not watching a sad movie. It's a comedy and it just started, so Felix has no idea where all of this is coming from.

Hyunjin emerges from his room at some point, about to look for a snack in the kitchen, and then stopping next to them, reaching for Jeongin's popcorn instead, and somehow he ends up staying, eyes on the TV.

Just like Hyunjin is pulled in by the movie, Felix finds himself being pulled in by the sight of Hyunjin. He's doing that a lot lately but has only noticed when Changbin recently commented on it. Hyunjin's wearing one of his oversized hoodies, a hairband keeping the dark strands out of his face, his skin bare already. He's munching on his snack, his brows slightly furrowed as he's trying to make sense of the plot having missed the first twenty minutes. He asks a question here and there and Jeongin patiently fills him in. No one's noticing Felix staring yet, and he wonders how long he can get away with it.

There's a weird yearning in Felix as he watches Hyunjin, but he doesn't know if that belongs to him either. It's not new by any means, but it's stronger today, amplified somehow.

Sudden music startles him, interrupting his staring, but when he looks at the TV it's not coming from the movie playing. He looks around, searching for his phone thinking it's coming from there, but the screen is dark. "Who's music is that?" he asks, sitting up. It's getting louder and more irritating, blending over all the noise in the room. It sounds like one of their songs, a demo maybe.

"Hm?" Hyunjin turns his head towards him. "What music?"

"Well, the-" Felix doesn't even manage to finish the sentence before the music is gone. Not like someone turned the volume down or the song ended but gone completely as if Felix was just imagining it. He looks at his phone again, because there must be an explanation, and then back up in time to see Hyunjin's face change, concern crossing over it.

"Oh, Yongbokkie?" Hyunjin comes over to him and he doesn't understand it at first when Hyunjin crouches down and reaches out, brushing a finger over his cheek. "Why are you crying?" The gesture is so soft, so Hyunjin, but Felix can't make sense of it.

More heads turn to him now, all as confused as he is, as he touches his own hand to his face and his fingers come away wet. "I don't think those are mine," he says, and he knows he's not making sense but it somehow makes sense to him, the only way he can describe this feeling. The tears keep falling, running down his cheeks, but it's as personal as standing under a raincloud in a storm.

He looks up then, at Hyunjin, but suddenly it's not Hyunjin in front of him but a computer screen, and there's the music again, playing in the background.

The scene shifts once more, and suddenly Felix is not in front of the laptop but next to it, and it's Chan who's sitting. He's at the company, Felix realizes. In Chan's studio. The thought comes with a calm distance, without any surprise, as if he'd always known that.

Chan startles next to him as he notices Felix, jumping off his chair, and for a moment, they're staring at each other, open-mouthed and wide-eyed, looking like two people from a horror movie who have just seen a ghost.

"Did-" Chan starts, voice high. "Did you just come in? I- I didn't hear you."

Felix shakes his head slowly. "I think I fell asleep. This is a dream, right?" Even as he's saying it he knows it's not the truth. Can't be the truth. He looks around himself and doesn't remember ever having a dream like this. So clear. So detailed. The edges around him are sharp and real. The music keeps playing and Felix realizes the song is coming from Chan's laptop. But it's not all he hears. There's the sound of someone walking by in the hallway behind him. The sound of Chan's shoes when he takes one more step back. He can smell too. The sweetness of the energy drink by the laptop and the familiar scent of Chan's hair gel.

"I'm finally going crazy," Chan says, more to himself than to Felix, and he rubs his face with both hands and looks back at Felix, probably hoping to see him gone. His face pales when their eyes meet again.

It's then that Felix notices the telltale signs of tears. Streaks on Chan's face where they have washed away the makeup, cheeks and lips puffy. Felix takes a step forward, one hand about to reach out. "Have you been crying?" Felix asks, shocked, but the sadness he's been feeling all evening seems familiar now, as if it found a home or a source, and it's mixing with his own sadness, which he can easily identify now that he's feeling both.

"Yongbokkie?" Hyunjin's face jumps into focus and Felix is back at the dorm, his hand hovering close to Hyunjin's face. Chan and his studio are gone. "Who are you talking to?"

Felix looks around the room, and everyone is staring at him now. Minho's hand comes to rest on Felix's shoulder, and Jisung slips to the floor next to Hyunjin. "Lix?" Jisung asks putting a hand on Felix's knee, and Felix can clearly hear the fear laced into his own name.

"I-" Felix stutters, but then he blinks and he's back in the studio looking at Chan, who hasn't moved, who's still staring back at Felix with red-rimmed eyes.

Chan wipes at his face again. "I'm going crazy. I'm seeing things. Oh my god."

"I'm at the dorm," Felix whispers, more to reassure himself as if saying the words will help make it true or pull his subconscious back from wherever this is. "I'm at the dorm. I'm safe. I'm at the dorm."

Someone is touching his body now, he can feel it, Minho or Jisung or Hyunjin, he doesn't know because he's still looking at Chan while hands he can't see are rubbing over his arms.

"You're safe, Lix," a voice makes it through, hovering midair, bodyless. Minho's voice.

The sound of a phone ringing startles them both, Chan and Felix, and they turn to look at the object on the desk as if something this normal, this mundane, is making whatever is happening even more real.

Never letting his eyes move away from Felix, Chan slowly reaches for his phone. He must have found the speaker button without looking because suddenly a voice comes through.

"Channie-hyung?" It's Jisung's voice, echoing, because Felix can hear it once out of the phone in the room with Chan and then right next to wherever his body is, Jisung speaking right next to him. He flinches away from it and the panic in Jisung's voice only intensifies. "You gotta come home," Jisung urges Chan. "There's something wrong with Lix."