I'm Also A We // Hyunlix

A World So Much Bigger, Pt. I

NOW

H Y U N J I N

Hyunjin does see Felix in the morning. When the car comes to pick them all up for dance practice, Minho makes sure to sit in the front even though he's the first to climb in, so that the seat next to Hyunjin stays empty, quietly reserved for Felix to take. It's been like that for a few weeks now, and no one has said it out loud and no one needs to. One more small thing that had adjusted ever since their lives changed forever.

Felix seems to be better than the day before and doesn't cling to him as much, even though Hyunjin doesn't actually mind. He takes the seat and gives Minho a grateful smile, and he rubs Hyunjin's thigh as if he needs the contact just once, and then he's able to go about his day.

Through practice, Hyunjin stays close just in case, lets his hands linger a little bit longer when they touch or leans back when Felix hugs him from behind, and stays there for longer than usual, not making a show of pulling away.

"Thank you," Felix mumbles against his ear when they stand like that while Minho explains the change for the next move, squeezing tighter, and Hyunjin can hear the smile in his words.

Hyunjin pats Felix's arm around him. "No problem."

He can tell that Felix thinks Hyunjin is only doing this for him, and he doesn't correct him on that. How can he explain to Felix that while he's not experiencing the same fear, there's comfort in it for him too, in the knowledge that someone so depends on him. And that in turn, the only thing Hyunjin is asked to do is to be there, physically. To reach out and offer a hand to hold.

It's the simplicity of it that calms Hyunjin. One less person he can disappoint.

They're doing lunch as a group at the company, upstairs in the cafeteria because it's quick and convenient, and Hyunjin likes these group meals, and he can tell that he's not the only one.

He's getting better at detecting who the feelings are coming from when they're not his, but it's still hard when they're in a group, even though distance has no effect on the intensity (they've tried that. Jeongin tried that). It's as if the proximity amplifies their feelings somehow and mixes them more, creating a fully new thing than just a sum of the parts. Like they're a hive or swarm.

He's sure it's Changbin at least who's grateful, but Seungmin too, as evident by the way he's quietly and contently stirring the instant noodles and then shoving them over to Jeongin, ready for him to eat, before reaching for his own food.

Hyunjin watches Felix unpacking his meal and laughing at something Jisung said that Hyunjin didn't hear, and he's sure Felix enjoys this too.

"Eat something." Minho places one of the containers in front of Chan who's still on his phone, and then a bottle of water from where they placed a few in the middle.

Chan doesn't even look up. "I'll eat later," he mumbles, his eyes glued to the screen, so he misses the glance passing between Minho and Changbin, and Hyunjin feels like he's watching the tension grow between the three of them.

"You have to eat," Minho insists, "or you will forget it later."

Chan does look up now, first at Minho, and then Changbin kicks his foot under the table which makes him turn to his side.

"Eat with us, Channie-hyung, please?" Changbin's voice is softer than Minho's but neither does he take no for an answer. Only where Minho was insisting on the eating part only, Changbin is the one reminding Chan to be present too, when they're together, and not bury his head in work and forget his members over it.

Hyunjin has talked to Felix about this at some point. That it's not only Minho who's pulling away, but Chan too, in his way. More late nights, and more time alone at the studio, and Chan is almost as good as Minho at keeping his own thoughts and feelings to himself.