I'm Also A We // Hyunlix

The Two Of Us

NOW

F E L I X

As long as Felix can remember he has always craved connection. Physical, mostly, because that's the one he knows, his language, his way to connect to another human being. There are other ways too, the ways he seeks connection to his members, the way he shows his love for them. He's researched it at some point, what to do when the spoken language was still sitting on shaky ground. Gifts, he figured, for the ones who didn't like the touches and couldn't understand the fumbled words coming out of Felix's mouth. Time spent in silence with those who didn't much care for gifts either.

He should be in heaven now. And he is, quietly, just for himself, he's grateful for this new way of connecting they have, the way he can sense his members in the back of his head, a subtle tingle, or how he can think of them and the next moment be with them. The way he can feel their emotions sometimes when they're careless about them or their feelings are just too strong to contain in one person. The way he is assured of their presence even when he has his eyes closed.

If only they all loved it too.

"One more time," the director announces, his voice echoing in the room, a studio with high ceilings so that every sound booms over them. They're all tired, Felix can feel it as much as see it, which means they can feel everyone else too. Walls are mostly down at this time of night, and the same way they're one when they dance, their emotions are mixing now too, bleeding from one to the other.

What has changed for the better is how in tune they are now. How much the bond shapes their movements, lets them be more in sync than they've ever been before. The staff noticed it, commented on it, and one of the choreographers they worked with said something too, words of praise that made them all uneasy, sure that they didn't deserve it now. As if they're cheating their way into improvement, fast-forwarding on a process that usually takes much longer than that.

The bond created cracks everywhere.

They run through the sequence once again, and this time the director seems happy with the result. He signals that they're ready to move to the next, and the group disperses, everyone reaching for something to drink or their phones. Jisung laughs loudly about something that Changbin said, and Felix sees Seungmin with them too, smiling, and the picture almost seems normal. Jeongin and Minho are sitting next to Felix, playing with their phones, and that is normal too. As is Chan standing a bit apart, talking to the director about the next shot. Or Hyunjin sitting behind Jeongin, poking at the back of his head until Jeongin swats at him like he's swatting at a fly.

Felix's gaze lingers on Hyunjin. That longing from the first night has never gone away, and it had only been a preview of what it feels like now when Felix looks at him.

Jeongin hisses and Felix's head whips around, seeing him massaging the spot above his heart.

"What is it?" Chan asks as if summoned, walking over and bowing down to get a good look at him.

Jeongin shakes his head. "Nothing," he says. And then, frowning: "Not me." No one looks over at Felix, at least not overtly, but they all know it was him. Jeongin's taking this the hardest, he hates it with every fiber of his being. They all feel it, simmering, the uneasiness coming off of him in waves, and Felix feels particularly guilty. He's the worst at keeping all his feelings inside.

Minho's hand lands on Felix's thigh, subtly. "Breathe," he says quietly so no one else can hear, and it's an order.

Felix feels his face flush with heat, and he sits taller, creating room in his lungs. They've practiced this before, Felix seeking him out to learn how to control his emotions, how to not let them bleed into everyone else's consciousness. When it all started, Minho had been the first to figure out how to control the connection. He mastered it now, shielding himself so much that it makes Felix miss him sometimes, miss the first weeks in which he learned what Minho feels like, in his essence. To his credit, Felix has gotten better at it since they started.