Ethan's POV (Bonus Book)

Chapter Thirty-Seven

I was almost scared to look at Mia, the moment the long-withheld confession slipped past my lips. Terrified of where that action would lead me. But I did.

Her expression conveyed everything at once, and somehow nothing. She sat so still, so immobile as she stared back at me with those usually calmingly sincere brown eyes. Of course, they looked nothing close to calm right now, they had doubled by about two sizes perhaps even three. She was blinking quite a bit- that was reassuring. I hadn't shocked her into a state of premature death – that was good. That was a start.

Her eyes worked over my face, rather frantically as though unable to settle on a place to land. It likely mirrored her rapidly changing thoughts as she processed what I'd just said. The bomb I'd just dropped on her.

It had only probably been a few seconds or so, but it felt like an eternity as I waited for her to say something. My heart was hammering the fastest I'd ever felt it, sucking every breath out of me. I prayed to God I wouldn't stop breathing.

Maybe I should run? No -you can't fucking run you idiot; you'd never live that down. Stay calm, Ethan. Stay calm.

Finally, Mia let out a breath. A weird one – shaky and uncertain. "Until you met me?" she repeated, her words echoing softly and questioningly into the late evening air.

I'd almost forgotten Mia's hand still lay in my own, and I felt it shift in my palm – a clearly nervous action. My hand squeezed hers softly almost in instinct, feeling programmed to want to rid her of all her nerves. Even if the nerves, were caused by me. By my confession. A confession, no doubt that was horrifyingly confusing from her end.

Knowing it was too late to back down now, I gave her a soft smile; one that I hoped was reassuring. Then as a second instinct, my thumb started softly stroking the skin at the back of her hand. She seemed to notice this, and her eyes dipped briefly to watch the motion.

The moment her eyes returned to mine; I swallowed back against my nervously dry throat before speaking.

"Yeah, as soon as I saw you on that first day of middle school, my promise was instantly forgotten. All I had to do was get one look at those gorgeous big brown eyes of yours, and I instantly melted at your feet," I admitted with a light chuckle. A far too honest chuckle as I looked into the very eyes I was talking about. "I had the biggest crush on you; it was pathetic."

You do have the biggest crush on her – my brain corrected me sharply. I remained silent though, deciding to not discuss my current-day feelings until the end of my speech. I didn't want her freaking completely out on me just yet.

Mia was shaking her head slowly, over and over, her brows knotted together gently. Her expression conveyed nothing but confusion. In fact, I don't think I'd ever seen her so confused in her life. She let out weird breaths before speaking as though tripping up over what she next wanted to say. You've broken her, Ethan – great, going.

"That's definitely not true," she finally uttered, her voice strong and certain – frighteningly so as though I'd just told her the sky was green instead of blue. "I don't know what twisted version of reality you've got running through your head, but there's no way twelve-year-old you had a crush on me. You kicked a ball at my fucking face, and then laughed about it," she said, a breath of laughter escaping past her lips.

I paused a little at her words, my mind bringing me back to the memory. It hadn't even felt like very long ago since I'd hit that ball at her on my very first day of school. I'd done it because I was stupid and wanted her to be mad at me. To give me attention. I'd thought it was my only option since I was so terrified of her liking me and the damage that could potentially cause.