Death Of A Cheerleader

Chapter 7 "Distraction"

Olivia

I hated it when I had nothing to do, and there was nothing to distract me, my mind would just randomly come up with some intrusive thoughts, thoughts that one shouldn't think about because of how cruel they were. When it came to Red, my thoughts could become brutal. I thought of torturing her in ways I couldn't even imagine, and sometimes it scared me. What was scary was that every brutal thought I could imagine doing to her, I actually wanted to do it for real.

Once the thoughts would start plaguing my mind, it would be hard to stop even if I wanted to. It was making me crazy, and the only thing that could help before was if I would drink myself to death. I turned to alcohol when everything was just overwhelming. It had became my comfort, and I got addicted to it. I was an addict for months, I thought Scarlett would have given up on me and send me in rehab, but she didn't. With her help, I managed to control my addiction and was sober for a while now. Although, I would occasionally drink, only when I needed to blend in for a mission, or about to do something I needed warming up, not if I was trying to get rid of some constant thoughts.

I felt awful for not seeking comfort from Scarlett that time, when she was there always supporting me and helping me get through my grief. I knew I hurt her for losing sight of her, but I was lucky enough that I had someone like her who wouldn't leave when things would get difficult. Since then, I got dependent on her. Everything just became bearable for me, knowing I wasn't alone. Every panic attack, every wave of emotions, and chaotic thoughts that I had, she helped me get through them all.

Until now.

My mind was a whirlwind, and I had no one to turn to, and it didn't help the fact that Scarlett was currently out of reach. No thanks to Black for making things complicated. Sometimes I wondered what was going on with that thick skull of him. He liked to complicate things for me. I didn't know if he hated me or he just liked to mess with me somehow. He was actually giving me a hard time, like almost all the time. Though, what could I expect, he literally said it wouldn't be easy once I joined the Agency. I just didn't expect it would be this emotionally draining, and I didn't expect he would be this cold-hearted.

Times like this, I kind of wished that I was just an ordinary person, living my best life, without having to think of constant danger, without Black around to torture me. Just my old self with no care in the world, just living my life until I could make it in highschool. I would admit I was arrogant, selfish, and a bitch, not the best human out there, but I was that human that still had her family. A happy family at that. But I knew I wouldn't get to have it again. Everything had changed, ever since dad died.

It was true what they said. You would never know the value of a moment, until it became a memory. I didn't cherish every moment I had with my parents, I hadn't shown how grateful I was to them for giving me the family that I once had, and I didn't get to say how much I loved them every single day. If I could just go back in time, I would have done things differently, I would have become the good daughter that they deserved.

And if I could just go back in time and correct my mistake of letting Red live, I would have done it in a heartbeat. If I didn't let my sympathy got in the way, I would have killed her that very moment just like how I killed her sister, but no, I just had to let her go and it costed me the most precious thing I had; my family.

"Earth to Nuggets. Hello?" Arya Walters suddenly asked, snapping me out of my thoughts.

I sighed. "Anyone but you," I mumbled disinterestedly, before turning to her.

"You hurt my feelings. No one has rejected my presence so easily before," she replied teasingly, plastering a smirk.

"Look, I'm not in the mood to talk to you Walters, so back the hell off."