Crossroads : ( Chris Brown Story )

Crossroads ₪ VII

Brielle

Not once have I cried, actually only time I cried was when my kids wouldn't let me hug them. I really needed their love. I wanted to hear them call me mommy and be with them, cause at this moment they are my only emotional block from thinking about it. But they had enough of me and I felt rejected, two people who I would die for didn't want me touching them. Of course few tears was shed over that, I needed them and they didn't want to be bothered. I feel very empty, not the emotional meaning either, I mean literally empty. I thought coming to work would take my mind off the miscarriage, it's only depress me even more.

I feel sorry for Chris, he's doing everything he can to put a smile on my face. There isn't a thing he can do though to give me our child back, he's dealing with it in his own way too no questions asked he's hurt about it. I will not allow him to touch me either, I don't want to be bothered, and I don't even want to be looked at. I don't know about Chris but I haven't even told anybody yet that I lost the baby, I'm still in shock as it is and I don't want to talk with anyone at all. Over night a steel wall has been placed around me, I feel so lifeless now. Nothing at all, no pain, no fear can amount to what I been feeling to losing a child.

"You alright?" Chris asked popping in the room.

All I've done the entire day was lay in bed staring at the wall, my eyes seem to swell with tears but they never dropped.

"I'm fine," I said in melancholy tone.

"I got some pork chops on the stove."

"I'm not hungry."

"Brielle you haven't eaten anything since yesterday.

"I'm not hungry."

He sighed scratching his head. "Do you need anything?"

"No Chris."

He walked over to the bed sitting beside me. "You need to eat, do something! You know it's not your fault, Dr. Hill said it's nothing you can control. Please eat something so I know you're alright."

"I'll come down in a minute."

"I'm hurting too it's not just you, you can't just lay here all day. I need you to go get up and do something. I just want to see you alright."

"I said I'll be down in a minute!"

"Alright, I'll be downstairs." Chris tried to give me a kiss, but I moved my head.

Even though I said I would be coming, I didn't move at all. I stayed in bed sulking. Crossing between staring at the wall to falling asleep and repeating the same thing all over again, he must have sensed I wasn't coming so he sent in reinforcement.

"Momma you okay?" Mijo questioned climbing into bed with Caeden following behind.

The room lit up when they came, I smiled big as my entire attitude changed. My sons are the only reason I'm smiling.

"I don't feel good but I'm happy you came to check on me, you always make me feel better."

"When you coming out the room to play?"

"It's night night time we can't play now, it's time to go to bed."

"Can you tuck me in?"

"Let me put Caeden down first and I will."

Caeden and I played a little bit before I put him to sleep, it put a smile on my face to see smile, laugh, and giggle. It made me feel even better hearing him call me mommy, it felt good knowing I could hear it from someone. I held Caeden tight in my arms swaying him in to a hug before I put him in his bed, I gave him a kiss before I left out the room.